Hi @Mary10
Thank you for sharing what you decided upon for Christmas. My girls felt they wanted people around us which is why I have decided to go with that. As you rightly pointed out, they are grieving too. I hope I will not spoil Christmas for those coming to us but they are all special family members who know we will be finding it impossible to be our usual selves.
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Hi Everyone
The dreaded Christmas is upon us. Most of the ājoyā advertised is commercialised hype and for me Christmas lost its appeal years ago. I might sound like a grinch but I do like the lights and decorations so I when I walk my dogs I go around the roads and look at it in peoples windows.
Yesterday I was speaking to a widow who spent last Christmas alone and recommends it. She had a breakfast that she and her husband always had on Christmas morning and then watched rubbish TV and ate rubbish food and told me it wasnāt so bad after all, so I have decided not to spend Christmas day with my family this year and go it alone and hopefully they will visit me on boxing day. I donāt dread it, after all its just a day.
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I can relate to by humbug . I lost my first wife after 33 years of married life. Fast forward 3 years in a new relationship but sadly died 28 Aug of this year. What do I do now? It is just too sad to even think of the festive season. How can I be happy. Before my beloved passed away we planned Christmas and New Year to the last detail. Although it changed regularly, we had a plan that we looked forward to. My friends say go ahead and do as planned in memory of your beloved. Well that comment severed a friendship. So Christmas in silence is ok with me.
I donāt drink alcohol but will eat something unChristmas.
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Feeling for you @Gingerseawolf22. Losing twice must be devastating. Once is bad enough.
Itās going to be a tough time for most of us on here but we at least understand each other.
Sending love and strength to all as well as remembering you all in prayers. 
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Thank you for your kind words
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Everyone on here is wondering about the next step to take on this hard road. Waiting for so long for an answer to cause of death must be an additional cause of pain at this sad time, and to be grieving for a second time must be a real struggle. I hope that both of you can find some help at this time of year, just as the rest of us cope with a singular loss or a shorter timescale for the end of the official part of this process. I will be putting up a tree, and decorate as Tom would want. I will put presents under the tree for our son, and though I know he is struggling too I will do my best for him. Take care everyone x
I will be in a similar predicament. x
Hi, I wish I could give you some comfort. I lost my husband 4 years ago and Iām still dreading christmas. Iāve tried different things over the last 4 years going out with friends and even going away but the best thing Iāve found is spending the day with my son and his family who went through the same tragedy and miss his dad greatly. We have a great day but its when you go home to an empty house with all the memories that hurts.
I would say spend the Christmas day and New Year with your family as they are also grieving.
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So sorry to hear of your uoset.I know exactly how you feel.Just dreading the whole season and New yeary.
Try to be strong,and thatās not easy.
All the very best to you.
I also lost my husband after a sudden stroke after 40yrs, no goodbyes, this will be my second Christmas with out him, my girls have been great ,we live within walking distance but still so hard ,still canāt believe l have got this far without him
@Dragonfly - how did you cope with Christmas last year? Iām still unsure whether to try to join in or if best to avoid any celebrations. I have agreed to spend Christmas Day with my son at my sister in laws but Iām dreading the whole thing. Anniversaries are hard enough but Iām not sure I can get through the next few weeks.
I lost my husband just before Christmas in 2019 & like you Iād like to say it gets better but it doesnāt. I could just curl up in a corner & wish it away but Derek loved Christmas, he was our Mr Christmas.
The first year the decorations were already up & to be honest it was just a blur. Went to Derekās sisters who carried on despite losing her brother who she was extremely close to, ended up having a nice day because it hadnāt really sunk in.
I really have to dig deep to find my festive spirit but I do it for him & this year the fourth without him, we have a grandson so Iāve gone a bit overboard. I can see Derek in him & it has given me a new purpose to try & enjoy this time of year. We had lost 2 grandchildren since Derek passed & we never thought it was going to be, so we feel blessed with this bundle of joy a gift from above. Itāll still be hard without Derek, itāll never be the same again but I know in my heart heāll be with us & be so proud of his girls & grandson.
Love to all on this journey
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Thatās the problem, the little family I do have, I am no longer in touch with them due to a big argument
I lost my first husband when l was 25, had my daughter to keep me going but last year l lost my dear husband if 40 years, both died suddenly so no goodbyes, now l feel my life is over, have a good family who do their best to keep me busy but so very hard
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Canāt wait for the whole thing to be over and New Year.I lost my gorgeous girl 16 months ago,and if anything itās worse this year .
Good luck to those who can still enjoy Christmas,make the most of it ,you never know,when it will stop for you
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I completely understand how you and others feel. Iām dreading December as it was our wedding anniversary, Christmas to deal with and my husbandās birthday on NYE. Going to my daughterās for Christmas somewhat reluctantly- more to keep them happy rather than me. Each day that passes seems worse somehow. I miss my husband/soulmate SO much! Itās been 9 months and I keep being told it gets easier with time. I can tell you- NO IT DOES NOT!!! I canāt bear to sort any of his things as it feels like throwing him away. You go through the motion of keeping others happy- it makes THEM feel better .
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You just put one foot in front of the other, l do my best not to get upset as it will upset my daughterās, my 6 yr old grandson stayed over with me last night, heās a darling, came into my bedroom early an said is that grandadās side of the bed, that hit me but at least he still thinks about him
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Thank you to each one on here. As we have just celebrated Christmas or bah humbug in my own case . In my case I found it very difficult to get in to Christmas cheer. I did not intend putting up decorations and a Chtistmas tree. However my son made a big effort which just put me on guilt trip. I could not cope with the lovely gesture. Had a nice meal and then my family had to leave. ā¦
Been back to workā:relaxed:
what a pleasure . A case of glad to be home. Work is home people, warmth and all the other ā¦ I have another place where I wash, eat, sleep. I will be off on Friday through to Monday. What am I going to doā¦nobody to talk to. Already dreading it. I donāt want to speed up time but soon it might be a better timeā¦
Thank you for reading this far
Gingerseawolf
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