Dreaming of my mum

I posted this on the wrong forum, but I realise this is where it should have been posted (apologies)

I lost my mum 7 years ago, I was 22 at the time, and I have found life a struggle ever since. We were very close.

I have been having very real dreams of her lately, where we are just sitting chatting usually. This week I’ve had about 3 of them, and although it’s like being in heaven during the dream and I can talk to my mum, I find waking up extremely distressing because it’s like going back to square one in the grieving process. I am currently sat at work, fighting back the tears because because I believed she was alive the past few nights. Has anybody else experienced this, as I feel like I can’t tell people why I’m upset because of how long it’s been since my mum died.

Hi DaisyMay
I know exactly what you mean. My Sister and I lost our Mum only 2 years ago about 6 weeks after we got married. I would do anything to hold her hand again and hear her voice.
My Sister and I have both had similar dreams. It is hard and I’m sure that feeling when we wake up with never go away.
We just have to take each day and tell ourselves that our wonderful Mum’s wouldn’t want us to be sad.
I hope the pain eases for you

Thank you for replying. Sometimes it is a very meaningful thing to know other people understand exactly what you go through. I am so sorry for the loss of your mum xxx

Dear DaisyMay,

Your comment really resonated with me as I have also had dreams about my mum who passed away in October 2016. Mostly, the dreams came in the 6 months after her death. In them I was doing very practical things that I was actually doing in real life, having to pack up her things and deal with the house etc but with her watching over me, directing me almost, which at the time was reassuring. I found the dreams quite comforting, and what’s bothering me now is that they seem
to have stopped. I am desperate to dream about her again, the way you described your dreams as just sitting chatting in a very realistic scenario sounds lovely and I think would bring me some comfort. However, I completely see how this would be very upsetting also, to wake up To the realization that it was only a dream and having to carry on as we both do. I’m not sure what I believe about life after death, but I did have a strong feeling that my mum was talking to me through my dreams, which is partly why it’s upsetting that it doesn’t seem to happen anymore. Despite the pain of having to relive the loss upon waking, I hope in some ways you can take some comfort from your dreams, perhaps look at them as an opportunity to ‘spend time’ with your mum, or to relive memories in a different way. In terms of the time it’s been since you lost your mum, I really don’t think grief is measurable in this way. I am finding myself having to learn to live with my mum who I was very close to and spoke to every day, it’s not an easy thing to do and I think there will always be triggers that unleash fresh grief. Sending you love x

Hi DaisyMay,

I posted about dreams a little while back, post is called “Weird dreams”, you could see what was said in that post too perhaps?
Take care x

Hi DaisyMay

My Mum passed away last year and like you and others I have dreams about her. In many of mine she is not actually there but I hear her calling my name. I wake up remembering I will never hear her voice for real again and that hurts a lot.

I think you should tell someone at work that you are finding things hard at the moment. Do you have an HR department you could go to? Your wellbeing at work is part of their job. They may not have any solutions but talking to someone might help. There may be someone you work with who is a trained counsellor. When my Dad passed away many years ago I was working with a lovely person who really looked after me. No counselling sessions as such just sympathy and knowing that I could go and sit in her office for a few minutes if I was unhappy made such a difference to me.

Don’t suffer in silence please.

Mel xxx

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