Each day seems bleaker.

Today would have been my husband’s 70 birthday. He died 7 months ago and I find the pain and hurt just digs deeper, as you face each day alone, and realise this is how it will be forever. Like so many others on this post, we did everything together and did not have a close circle of friends. Our pleasure was going out in the car, picnics, long walks, grubbing around salvage yards and open gardens. Tonight we would have had a day out,cooked a special meal then had a few drinks while listening to music.l have tried so hard to make a new life, but the classes and organisations that are on offer, just make me feel more spare and emphasise how different life is now. My two grown up sons do phone , but they live over a days drive away, and are getting on with their own lives, as they should. I face each day with dread, and the thought of the empty years stretching ahead is terrifying. I don’t recognise myself anymore. I used to be capable, positive, enjoyed so many small things, now I fail to feel an interest in anything. My darling husband died, but it’s me that has lost their life.

Hi Kaka my wife passed away last November and I feel exactly the same way as you do we were married 43 years and did the same as you enjoyed our own company,no real friends I am missing her more than words can say and regret not spending more time with her (work commitments) I am on my own now no children the house seems lonely all the time every thing seems to much trouble even sometimes taking my dog seems to much I hang on to what expressions she would have used sometimes helps but after 43 years married I sometimes can’t get my head round the fact she is no longer there she was very proud of our house first time buyers aged 60 also our little dog who is 3 years old and think what she would say if I wanted to give up either,at the moment I can not be in company or even think about counciling everybody tackles it in their own way but at least we know there are people feeling the same as we do hope your mind finds some peace as I do mine MM 69

Hello, metal Mickey,thank you for taking the trouble to reply. I have never used these posts before, don’t have face book etc, but today seemed so forlorn, I needed to reach out. You are right that it helps knowing others are feeling the same and that they too are finding their own way through this horror. What I find so difficult is that nobody wants to hear his name mentioned, even my son’s say,these are the cards you’ve been dealt, you have to start from here. We were married for 46 years, together all our adult life. How come you can reminisce about a holiday and others will chip in sharing their stories, but if you mention what we used to do together, there is an awkward silence and the subject is changed? I wish you well. This is the price we pay for loving someone so much.

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss I lost my soulmate of seventeen years on the 24th of October gone so it was six months Wednesday gone 24th of April I cant say how you feel but my partner passed in my arms three months before 40th birthday I sat at home all alone as I still do crying pining acheing mentally and physically thinking as you said we’d have been out then a meal some drinks music or a bar im utterly heartbreakon destroyed such a empty heavy heart panic anxiety doesn’t seem real or right we had seventeen years together I cant go on we had our later years mapped out how we’d be when we were older now all I have is a empty silent house we built a home its no home without hearing my soulmate walking around up or down the stairs taps running toilet flushing I cant see the point in pulling one cup out when there were always two sat staring at an empty dining chair I would not wish this on my worst enemy my world has been blown apart taken away so cruelly and brutally people say times a healer nothing will heal Mt empty shattered heart I pray im with my soulmate before my 40th birthday next month theres nothing now to live for we did everything together from shopping and gardening to walks holidays it’s all gone your in my thoughts take care as much as possible x

I know what you mean about your life being blown apart. In all the happy years we had together, I never really gave a thought to how I would cope without him. He had never been ill, then when he did start to feel unwell, refused to see a doctor. He died one month after the diagnosis of cancer. My life just shattered into a thousand pieces. Everything that I was used to had disappeared, I no longer was part of someone’s life. The courage it takes to learn to do the jobs they did, to make decisions alone, to be bothered to eat, to get through another dismal day, is overwhelming. Please do try. Think how proud your partner would be of your efforts. Remember how important you were to each other, and I believe they are still with us every step of the way.

Hello all who have replied on this post
We all seem no be going through the same emotions ,no matter what stage in our grief we are at
Mine is 14 weeks today,and I feel as desolate as you all do
Why do people not wish to talk about our spouses/partners, I want to talk about him and I can do it without getting upset, it helps me
I hated it when he had just died and the days were short and nights long,but it’s no easier in theses lighter days, is it?
As you say Kaka we never gave a thought to one of us dying ,we were just so happy together,nothing prepares you for this awful life we have

Kindest Regards to you all
Maddy

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Hi to you both you and Ade they say time will heal but in my case it never will I needed Jane and still do to push me forward like she always did it was her confidence that helped me to find employment (made redundant 5 times between 1997 and 2008 retired Jan 2018 before that work had always been plentiful.
Now. That she has gone I lose confidence even going shopping going to diy store taking the car for MOT etc she was the one that always asked the questions paid the bill etc.
To me losing Jane was worse than contacting any disease or illness or should I say this is an illness now that nobody knows how you are feeling nobody as you say wants to mention her name now that is the worst part although I think it was bad enough at her funeral when some friends and even relatives did not attend or send flowers or make a donation people that Jane had tried to keep in touch with over the years they do not get in touch to see how I am quite frankly I’m not bothered they may feel how I am feeling one day.
I had set everything up if I passed away first paperwork money etc because I don’t think Jane would have handled it very well l have still not got used to the thoughts of her passing away so quickly I’m sure she wouldn’t have handled how l’m feeling now and the last 6 months.
My biggest regret they would not take one of my kidneys to give her more life (she had kidney disease for 4 years they would not take mine because of compatibility,health problems,age 69 I wouldn’t have cared about me if it would have given her a little longer in life she was 67.
I hope we all find peace in our minds but until I see Jane again I don’t I ever will .
. kind regards MM69

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Hi im so sorry for your loss it’s so sad they could not give a kidney to your precious Jane it’s more than soul destroying this pain living second by second the pain fear anxiety thinking it can’t be real my world has been blown apart I lost my soulmate of seventeen years six months ago and every day is getting worse I cant go on like this anymore I have nothing to live for we dI’d everything together that’s sad uo hear alot didn’t even come to the funeral you always get to see who your family and friends are in the end please look after yourself take as much care as possible

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I agree, the lighter nights make it even harder. It helped when I could close the curtains and hide from the world,accept it was the end of another horrible day. Now I look at the lighter nights, and know no one will be sitting out in the garden with me . It’s being unable to share, to feel no one is interested in how I feel, can’t even share a joke now about something on the TV because it would have been something only we shared. Take care

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