Eight months ago - my nightmare started

My nightmare existence started eight months today. I was so happy with my Philmore and then he left me suddenly and unexpectedly on Valentine’s Day. I am still in shock and cannot believe that I will never see him again. Why was his kidney cancer not detected earlier? Why did it happen so quickly? Why now? Why him? Is there any sense to it? The worst thing is that there are no answers to my questions. There is a saying that everything happens for a reason but I cannot see any of it. I will keep myself busy today to be distracted from pain, loneliness, and sadness. I know that he is still with me. Sending love and hugs to everyone.


Why wasnt it detected earlier - because we have an awful NHS that’s why ! :slight_smile: not fair is it @Annaessex how we just lost them so quickly ! I dont understand why bad things happen to good people ? Take care. im fed up today too . Feeling like i wanna move and get as far away from here as possible :person_gesturing_ok: i know its cos i wanna escape the pain but what else does this world have to offer at the moment :frowning: xxx

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Deb5 You got it in one saying it’s just trying to avoid the pain,sadly the pain goes with us and like you I’ve considered every option … including walking into the sea.


Hi Anna, my nightmare started 8 months ago on the 11th so we’re at a similar stage. I too was shocked by the NHS’s inability to detect what was wrong with my Keef. He’d been seeing a doctor and then a physio for about a year and they just decided, despite apparent blood tests, that it was a frozen shoulder. Fast forward to late January this year and then suddenly they start talking about the cancer he’d had in his 40s returning! I still don’t know to this day why on earth they couldn’t/wouldn’t detect it earlier. Too many questions and too much buried anger but I know he’d want me to try and go on, even though it’s so very hard at times (well most of the time). It’s like we’re walking in some sort of fog and waiting for it to lift but know it never will. Take care Anna and know that everyone on here is thinking of you. xx


Thank you for your kind words. I am actually not too bad surprisingly and try to keep myself busy with paperwork to sort etc. I think the doctors just blamed everything on his Diabetes and did not look any further but he was on tablets for years and not too bad. Philmore had Diabetes 2 and never had to inject himself. I cannot even be angry about anything I am just terribly sad about everything and I feel for everyone who goes to the same nightmare I go through. Sending love and hugs.


Jeez … every story i hear is a failure by the so called “professionals” to detect what was really wrong with our man ! Bloody useless ! Xx


I know and now I’ve got my doctors going overboard trying to tell me I’ve got all sorts of things wrong with me, just trying to cover their backs!!


Yeh … sounds about right ! Probably cos they been sued so many times :frowning: xx