Hello Eileen, I have read and answered your comments so many times over the past months and I never knew your husband died due to an accident, that is so terribly cruel. You expect people to get ill it is a part of life but to die due to something that could have been avoided is heartbreaking. I had a friend who was a nurse, she fell over her cat and banged her leg, she died a few days later due to a blood clot.
My husband was a smoker and refused to stop even though our sons and myself never smoked, I kept complaining about our clothes smelling of smoke and the house smelling of smoke but he refused to stop until the day he started being ill and then it was too late. The specialist told him in no uncertain terms, ‘Peter, if you had stopped smoking all those years ago you would now be a very fit man because apart from your lungs there is nothing at all wrong with you’. Our sons have said over and over again, ‘in a way mum, our dad killed himself. It wasn’t cancer, it wasn’t another deadly disease it was just down to him smoking’.
I sometimes think about the arguments we had, they were the only times we did argue but I could not make him stop. He said you knew when we met I was a smoker and I said yes I did but there has been a lot of information about what cigarettes do to your body that has been given out for years now, but he would not listen.
I get angry thinking if he had listened he would still be here with me. All our friends who stopped smoking years ago are still alive and with their partners, going on holidays and enjoying their retirement.
I am forever saying what if, so many what if’s in my life. What if Peter had stopped smoking, what if my 47 year old sister had been correctly diagnosed when she fell ill, what if my dad had been correctly diagnosed when he fell ill. But it’s too late now, nothing can change what has happened and we have to live with it but what hurts so much is that it never should have happened.
Oh Eileen, I totally understand what you mean about being with our husbands such a long time and yes, it does hurt when people say, well, you had a long and happy life together, yes we did but I wanted more. I am grateful though that we did have a wonderful life together because as I have said before, not many people get that so I try and be grateful for what we had.
Please take care.
Love Sheila xx