Emotional all the time after nearly four years.

I don’t know if other members of this community are the same, but since my husband died nearly four years ago I cry when watching sad television movies and TV shows, I even burst into tears when I saw Declan Donnelly on stage the other night without Ant in Saturday night takeaway. I cried when watching The Real Full Monty with Coleen Nolan and friends. Before my husband died I could watch anything, yes, it would be emotional if it was a sad film or TV show but I never cried.

I read about animal and child cruelty and it makes me cry whereas before it would make me very angry and disgusted and wish I could put my hands around the inhuman beings necks and squeeze until they took their last breath.

It seems that since my husband died, everything that has a sad story to it just breaks me up and makes me cry.

Yes, Sheila, I am the same. So many things make me cry now whereas I was as tough as old boots before my husband died last June. We had been married for 66 years and it makes me angry when people say that we were lucky to have been together for so long. I already know that thank you but in a way it makes things worse because at the age of 86 I am alone and my life has finished. I go into Tesco and cry when I see the things Bill liked on the shelves, I cry when I sit alone in the Physic Garden where I live and remember how much he loved spending time in there. All kinds of things reduce me to tears these days, and I only wish I could turn the clock back to that fateful day last May when he stepped onto the escalator at Sainsburys instead of using the lift as we always did. He fell and three weeks later he died, leaving me with my heart in pieces.

it does help to post on here as families don’t seem to understand, and mine put a resigned look on their face if I start talking about their Dad and how much I miss him.

Eileen xxx

Hello Eileen, I have read and answered your comments so many times over the past months and I never knew your husband died due to an accident, that is so terribly cruel. You expect people to get ill it is a part of life but to die due to something that could have been avoided is heartbreaking. I had a friend who was a nurse, she fell over her cat and banged her leg, she died a few days later due to a blood clot.

My husband was a smoker and refused to stop even though our sons and myself never smoked, I kept complaining about our clothes smelling of smoke and the house smelling of smoke but he refused to stop until the day he started being ill and then it was too late. The specialist told him in no uncertain terms, ‘Peter, if you had stopped smoking all those years ago you would now be a very fit man because apart from your lungs there is nothing at all wrong with you’. Our sons have said over and over again, ‘in a way mum, our dad killed himself. It wasn’t cancer, it wasn’t another deadly disease it was just down to him smoking’.

I sometimes think about the arguments we had, they were the only times we did argue but I could not make him stop. He said you knew when we met I was a smoker and I said yes I did but there has been a lot of information about what cigarettes do to your body that has been given out for years now, but he would not listen.

I get angry thinking if he had listened he would still be here with me. All our friends who stopped smoking years ago are still alive and with their partners, going on holidays and enjoying their retirement.

I am forever saying what if, so many what if’s in my life. What if Peter had stopped smoking, what if my 47 year old sister had been correctly diagnosed when she fell ill, what if my dad had been correctly diagnosed when he fell ill. But it’s too late now, nothing can change what has happened and we have to live with it but what hurts so much is that it never should have happened.

Oh Eileen, I totally understand what you mean about being with our husbands such a long time and yes, it does hurt when people say, well, you had a long and happy life together, yes we did but I wanted more. I am grateful though that we did have a wonderful life together because as I have said before, not many people get that so I try and be grateful for what we had.

Please take care.

Love Sheila xx

Hello, Sheila. Yes it is a sad story. On 20th May, the day before his birthday’ we were out to buy him a present. Went into Sainsburys, had lunch and did some shopping there and I was pushing the trolley back into place when I noticed Bill at the top of the escalator. Before I could do anything he was on it, going down, so I had to follow him. We always used the lift so I have no idea why he didn’t. As we reached the bottom, he made no attempt to step off and was thrown backwards, smashing his head on the metal casing. The staff were wonderful but although they rang the ambulance three times , it was 40 minutes before they came. Bill fought hard to stay alive but eventually we were told that there was nothing to be done as he had had several bleeds on the brain. So he had palliative care, and I slept by his bed for the last three nights and thankfully, was with him, holding his hand when he died.

I seem to be going backwards lately and have even considered ringing the Samaritans for help when I felt I could no longer go on. However, I have a family to think of so I would never self-harm. I just wish that I could go peacefully in my sleep so that I can be with him again.

I am truly sorry about Peter’s smoking. My eldest son does and has a lousy cough but he will not listen to me. They think that it doesn’t do them any harm but we know different.

If only.

Eileen xxxi

Hello, Sheila. Yes it is a sad story. On 20th May, the day before his birthday’ we were out to buy him a present. Went into Sainsburys, had lunch and did some shopping there and I was pushing the trolley back into place when I noticed Bill at the top of the escalator. Before I could do anything he was on it, going down, so I had to follow him. We always used the lift so I have no idea why he didn’t. As we reached the bottom, he made no attempt to step off and was thrown backwards, smashing his head on the metal casing. The staff were wonderful but although they rang the ambulance three times , it was 40 minutes before they came. Bill fought hard to stay alive but eventually we were told that there was nothing to be done as he had had several bleeds on the brain. So he had palliative care, and I slept by his bed for the last three nights and thankfully, was with him, holding his hand when he died.

I seem to be going backwards lately and have even considered ringing the Samaritans for help when I felt I could no longer go on. However, I have a family to think of so I would never self-harm. I just wish that I could go peacefully in my sleep so that I can be with him again.

I am truly sorry about Peter’s smoking. My eldest son does and has a lousy cough but he will not listen to me. They think that it doesn’t do them any harm but we know different.

If only.

Eileen xxxi

Dear Eileen, I am so terribly sorry. Do you know, since Peter died, I avoid downward escalators like the plague. Because my mind is always wandering and I am not concentrating, I don’t seem to have the courage to put my foot on the step when all I can see below is a big open space. Luckily most places have either stairs or lifts so I use those. If I don’t have any other choice but to use a downward escalator I hang around and wait until someone get’s on it and then I get on behind them so all I can see are their backs. Whilst I was having coffee a few months ago there was such a bang and an old lady had fallen backwards from an upward escalator because some idiots got off it in front of her and just stood talking instead of getting out of the way and she bumped into them and fell backwards. The ambulance came and took her to hospital.

Since Peter died things that never used to bother me now do, before he died I thought we were invincible, now I know we are not.

Please take care.

Love

Sheila xx

Hello Sheila and Eileen.

I came onto this thread to say yes I am a complete wet about crying now, films, plays, books, everything. I cried my eyes out in Call the Midwife recently, also when people die in the soaps. Yes was very upset about Ant too, such a shame for him as he and Dec seem a nice couple of lads. Find at the moment nearly every book I read has someone dying of cancer of the brain which Mum had. Some of the descriptions have been very distressing.

Eileen, I am so sorry about your husband, how absolutely dreadful. I know so many people who won’t use escalators. My Godmother for one. She couldn’t win though as she was waiting for a lift to take her downstairs in Marks and Spencers when someone came round the corner at full speed on a mobility scooter and knocked her down. Broke her hip and leg in two places. Apparently the person had done this several times before my Godmother encountered them. She was nearly two months in hospital an no one thought she would ever come out let alone walk again, she did both.

I think crying is a good release of tension so I don’t worry unduly about it if I feel the need for a little or a big cry.

Love to you both
Mel
Xx

Thank you Mel, yes I too cried when Call the midwife was on and the other night on the TV programme Casualty when a young man with brain cancer died on his wedding day. In fact, I rang my friend and told her not to watch it, she always watches it later on on catch-up. She told me she had stopped watching it last year when her son died of a brain tumour as she said everything now made her cry.

Our sadness has altered our emotions so much.

Love to you too Mel.

Sheila xx

That episode of Casualty was a very gruelling one to watch. Very sensitively done. Yes I cried too!