Reading through all these messages I totally resonate with them all. My partner died in June of last year and it’s a totally surreal experience. I know he’s gone but getting my head around the fact he is no longer physically here is really hard. I just want him to come home now. How you ever come to terms with your beloved not being here is totally beyond me.
Hi Vanessa2,
I am so sorry for your loss and I know exactly how you feel. I, too, lost my husband in June last year after 54 wonderful years of marriage and I don’t know what to do with myself.
I wish I knew the answer to your question but I don’t. I have no words to comfort you, but I wanted to let you know you are in safe hands here. People on here, although grieving themselves, will always have a kind word for you and others who post on here. I find it really helps just to have someone who understands. I hope you find the same.
Hugs,
Ann x
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Hi Vanessa. I totally agree with Ann that there is always a comforting word to be found on this site and I think it has helped me to cope with my loss more than anything because we all have one thing in common…the death of someone who mattered more than anything on earth to us.
It is over 2 years for me now and it is still sureal although I have accepted that my hubby has gone until we meet in the next life.(if there is one) It does get better to the point where you can function again and can even have a laugh but for me it is the loss of my future I find hard to deal with. Please come on here to talk whenever you want to and you can say anything you want without fear of upsetting us. Take care x
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Dear Angiejo1
Thankyou for your comforting reply. I had no idea it has been two years for you. I can’t even bring myself to think that far ahead.
I think one of the things that upsets me most is the fact that Tony will miss his future. He will never get to see the things he was looking forward to and I find that so hard to deal with, perhaps even more heartbreaking than being without him.
Thank you again. Hugs Ann xx
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Hi Ann R.
I know what you mean Ann. The time has flown so quickly but it is all a blur. I was looking at my past diaries yesterday and there are entries written on wrong days and things I don’t remember happening at the time. Everything just confusion. Like my life. I keep doing things that I know will make me cry. Like looking at Ron’s leather bracelets and remembering how he used to struggle getting them on and off. Then there are all the watches he bought before he died. I can never fathom out why he did that but he loved jewellery. I just torture myself sometimes perhaps to jolt myself forward but I can’t. I am still in bed now but I don’t care. It is going to be another long weekend.
Love and hugs.
Mo x
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Thank you all for your kind replies. John and I had been together for 12 years and he was 49 when he died of cancer. I have his 50th birthday next month then his sadaversary. Life is so tough. I think I’m doing OK for few days than bam it hits me that this is life now, on my own. My family and friends are wonderful but it doesn’t fill that huge hole that I now have in my life. It won’t matter where I go or what I do, when I come home John still won’t be here. I have our cat who has been a huge comfort and has got me up every day as she needs looking after. It also helps to know I’m not the only person feeling like they are going crazy. Thanks again for replying. Take care everyone. Xx
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Its so hard i lost my partner last June aswell
Some weeks im ok and then other weeks i wake up with a sinking feeling and a heavy heart knowing he isnt here and i get a little panicked its horrible feeling x
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Dear AnnR
I feel the same way. Our little grandson brings so much joy but my wonderful husband and an even bigger wonderful granda is not here to share his growing up and to be with me as we laugh at his antics.
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Dear Angiejo1
I opened up a box that my husband had stored items in while we waited for new furniture - he never got to see what we had bought. I am still searching for his wedding ring - it still alludes me. But the box had a finger splint in from an operation he had a few years back - the things he kept. I sat and cried remembering having to chauffeur him for six months.
I have found myself on roads around the area and not knowing how I even got there - that scared me. Now I try to only focus on the getting A to B so as not to get distracted. But it is frightening how life has changed.
Take care
Sheila
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Absolutely and that really hurts. It means that all our joy in our children and grandchildren is tinged with sadness. Death has many tentacles that creep out and engulf us. I find that I can’t fully enjoy anything any more without him to share it with and I don’t suppose that will change. I try to be cheerful but sometimes it is just so hard!
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Dear AnnR
It is exhausting isn’t it. We sit and put on that smile but inside we are silently screaming in pain.
Our son and his partner are expecting another child. They wanted to name the baby after husband but I have asked that they don’t - it would be just too heartbreaking. They are giving baby it as a middle name instead.
We had just got the bungalow the way we wanted it and it is heartbreaking because we were so happy with the improvements. I cannot move though because I keep hoping that one day he might come back and find me in spirit. At the moment I just keep praying that he is looking down on us.
Take care, hopefully we might find some peace in the future just difficult to see through all the tears and heart-ache at the moment.
Sheila
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It’s all just so sad. I’m grieving the loss of our future as well as the loss of John. How I go forward I don’t know. All the things that happen in life and he’s not here to enjoy it with me. I miss him with every breath. He was the love of my life and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was so lucky to have met him and had the happiest 12+ years together. Xx
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Dear Sheila
Lovely news about the baby, and how lovely that they wanted to name the baby after your husband. I do understand why you didn’t want that, at least, not as a first name, and their compromise of giving the baby his name as a middle name is a great compromise.
As for moving, I shall be doing that just that as soon as I can get sorted. It was our plan before he died, so I want to carry on. His spirit is in my heart, so I have no doubt he will come with me.
Ann x
Dear AnnR
I can understand you moving if that were your plans before hand. I retired in February as me and husband had discussed in first lockdown. Just so sad he is not here to share this time with me. We had both worked so hard for this. Life is unfair.
Sheila
You are so right there Sheila. Life is unfair. One of our sayings when things went wrong was, ‘Life’s a bitch, and then you die!’ We used to say it in fun, but now I realise how true it is and it isn’t funny any more.
Thinking of you, and all of us over Easter. Special days seem to make it worse, I don’t know why. Hugs, Ann x
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I feel exactly the same way. It may be of no comfort that your feelings are completely understandable to me but at least we are not alone.