Although I have lots of friends and interests I still feel so empty. Will this feeling ever go away?
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So sorry for your loss Bonnie.
It’s coming up to a year when I lost my Jackie.
I still feel empty, so I guess the answer may not be what you want.
You never ‘get over’ it, but as Willie Nelson sang, it’s something you get through
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I will get better,but it will take time , i understand how you are feeling right now ,hugs to you from me,
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The feeling might lessen in intensity but I doubt it ever goes away. It’s good you have friends and interests . I’m five months into my grief journey. I don’t feel I’m getting any better.
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Thank you for your support. I’ve had to move all of his photographs into a cupboard because suddenly they made me feel too emotional. And yet for weeks they’d comforted me. Things are different every day.
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I’m the same. I had a picture of Ray on my phone and I’ve changed it, as I well up every time I look at it. I just miss him so much and get so upset when I see his lovely kind face.
This really is hell
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I’m glad I read this, I thought it was just me. I lost my husband suddenly last July and I’m still finding it hard to look at his photos. If I choose to it’s fine but if I walk in a room and see one it breaks my heart. My sister has painted the most amazing picture of him which I’ve had to put up, this one upsets me the most.
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Perhaps you could tell your sister how you feel. Explain that it upsets you just now. Further down the line you might be ok with putting it back up. I’m the same with photos, they just upset me. Five months into my grief journey after my partner’s sudden death. I was the same when my mum died 23 years ago. I don’t think I looked at a photo without crying for a long time.
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I also feel an emptiness inside like a black hole that will eventually swallow my soul.
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Empty yes think that a good description.
We have a huge void!
We can only hope that something comes along in life to help to fill this space!
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I also suffer with anxiety. Not full blown antic attacks but close. Thank you all for listening to me.
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While packing up some more stuff ready for my move, I reread the letter I placed in Jackie’s coffin. It probably sums a lot of what many of us are experiencing.
Jackie,
It’s hard to believe that it’s only been a short while since you left. In that time, it feels like I’ve been living in some sort of dream. At times, it feels as though I’m moving through the motions, like a zombie. Other times, it’s a nightmare that I can’t seem to escape, a constant, gnawing feeling that I’m losing myself without you. The thought that you’re never coming back is almost too much to bear.
The hardest part is going to bed at night. In the quiet, I relive our happiest moments together. I dream of us, as though we’ve had eighty years together instead of the years we had. It’s so hard to accept that those moments are just that; moments in a dream, not reality.
There are days when I feel you near, as if you’re still here with me. I can almost hear your voice in the stillness, and I hold on to that feeling like a lifeline. But then, there are days when doubt creeps in, and I’m left thinking that you’re truly gone, that I’m clinging to something that’s not there. It’s a strange and painful place to be, even as I write this letter to you.
One thing that’s become clear is how life moves on for everyone else, and there are moments when I find myself avoiding others. They have their own burdens, their own lives to live. But I’ve also been touched by the kindness of our family and friends, many of whom you would have been so surprised by. Their support has been a reminder of how deeply you were loved, and how many lives you’ve touched.
The love and companionship you gave me is a rare gift, something I know only comes once in a lifetime. I can’t imagine life without you in it. Before you, my life felt aimless, like a melody without purpose. Now, the music feels hollow.
Where have you gone, my love? Why did you have to leave so soon? I’m left with a void I don’t know how to fill. What will I do without you? I miss you more than words can express.
I love you, Jackie. Always and forever.
John
Excuse the cardboard protectors,
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That is just so beautiful.
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That is so meaningful John, a very beautiful tribute to your Jackie
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Well John, it certainly sums it up for me. Everything meaningful and dear to me gone in a few seconds one night in November. Feels like it was last night still. My Alice died of lung cancer and neither of us ever smoked. Everyone tells us we’ll get through it but it’s hard to believe! I suppose it’s the price we pay for loving someone so deeply. Soldier on John, taking each long lonely day at a time.—Wullie.
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Hi Bonnie, they tell us it will lessen, given time but how much time? We have a huge hole in our lives now that will never be completely filled, even if we do meet someone else. I try to spend as much time as possible out of the house now, bus trips, rail trips etc but night times (watching telly) and morning times are the worst.—Wullie.
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You echo what I feel WullieJohn. I’m out almost every day……..gym, yoga, art exhibitions, etc., etc. A mad life! But the almost physical pain will not ease ( I’m five months into it). Mornings are definitely the worst. I wake up feeling very panicky some mornings.
Take care and thank you for your message.
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