Emptiness

Just seems a forever list of GP mistakes, poor hospital care, covid restrictions for funeral and loneliness. Got no children and only sister lives miles away. No one wants to come round. The only person I would hug was my wife. I never expected the in this situation at 49.

Mrs C. Hi. Animals are as needful as we are so I’m keen to see when the restrictions ease to look for A furry companion . A house is not a home without a pet to love :heart:

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I’ve got a fish tank. It’s not the same

Jay. I’m so sorry. I’ve been told by a doctor friend that we must let our grief out. I couldn’t do otherwise to be honest.

My grief I can’t control. Totally new experience. But so painful

I know. I’m lucky I’ve got my boys and their wives to help me. I feel for you

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Today has been truly awful
So lonely even when I had company
I miss him I miss him so much
I’m picking him up on Wednesday and bringing him home from the crematorium and I hope that gives me some comfort

My lovely wife and I was not a fan of father and mother’s Day as it reminds us that we could not have children. Now I’ve lost her too so today has been dreadful. But I miss her most of all. I hope I will never experience this pain again. It’s beyond what I could cope.

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Hi there Jen
Going back to your own home is not going to be easy but you will learn to cope. Your Doctor friend is right, don’t hold back the grief. I have screamed into a pillow or cushion in the beginning many times. And the best thing you could do is to get yourself a furry four legged friend. I think many of us can vouch for their ability to help us. I have two rescue dogs that I had already but if it hadn’t been for them I don’t think I would have been able to get out of bed in the morning. But I had no choice. My dogs take me out for walks, let me know when it’s their snack, tea and walkies time. On the walks I meet other dog walkers and enjoy a pleasant chat as we walk.
One thing I was determined to do was to adapt to liking my own company. I didn’t want to rely on friends or family. But remember we all find our own way through our grief so no right or wrong way.
No your not alone Jen, we all know and understand the pain that comes with grief.

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Hi Suekatie. My husband’s funeral is tomorrow. Like you I want him near me. I have our little dog’s ashes here and want his with him. My wishes are that my ashes will be combined with his when the time comes and I feel comforted with my choice only made today. Bless you x

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Jen you do what you need to do to give you some comfort during this terrible time. My wife’s funeral was last Tuesday and Tuesday night I could not sleep. I was very upset so I ended up online and brought a pendant that I have now put her hair in. Only got it Friday and I can’t stop holding it.

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Hi Jen
My husbands funeral was last Monday and the pain has been so much worse
I think it’s because people expect you to get back to normal after the funeral
I can’t wait to bring him home we’ve only lived here 4 years and he’s loved his home and his garden
So I’m bringing him back to be with me again
Xx

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I have Ian’s wedding ring on a chain around my neck and I find myself constantly holding it

I wear her ring with mine I wouldn’t leave the hospital without it. Nothing gets you ready for going through these emotions. As I’ve told others. It opens your eyes to why people do things what some people think of as strange. Do what helps you get through the day. I hold her pillow during the night and her lounging around top that I hold onto during the day.

I feel for you
We are at the same stage of grief you and I
All his things are still around me
The last T-shirt he wore at home
His slippers are still in the same place
And his jacket hanging on the wardrobe waiting for him
I really can’t bear the pain the dr had given me tablets but they don’t touch the sides of this huge empty hole in my life
Physically I am grieving as well
The lack of sleep and when I brush my hair I’m sure I’m losing more then usual
I feel sick a lot of the time and constantly getting headaches
I just want him back sitting in the armchair saying make a cup of tea love

It’s like a mirror. You are describing me. Her slippers and shoes are ready. I did some washing earlier and putting them out was hard do I put some of her clothes with them. Next time I will was something of hers when I do mine. I have lots of fantastic memories but they now have stopped so need to do something no matter how small

People say memories help but I find memories too painful
At the moment the memories that keep coming back are the awful ones, him being on his own in the ambulance cos they wouldn’t let me go with him
Seeing him in icu and not being able to kiss him because of the stupid mask they made me wear
I had my hand on his chest but I had to wear 2 pairs of gloves
He didn’t even have the bloody Covid
I want to howl with anguish … this can’t be me I can’t be here it’s a bad dream a nightmare… I will never hear his lovely voice again
How we take our happiness for granted as if we have all the time in the world
I’m so sad and lost

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You have to do what is right for you and no one else. For me photos was one of her passions. But they constantly remind me of who I’m missing. I have been in contact with cruse via their message service. Sometimes talking chat or message helps. Again only do what helps you. I really feel what you are going through and I wish for me too that the pain would ease.

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Please don’t think I am being selfish, inconsiderate or unkind, but I do wonder about keeping our loved one’s things about the house too long. My wife was an artist so I kept all her pictures on the walls, but everything else is gone. This constant reminder can only make emotions worse. I can look at her pictures and feel a bit better because although she painted them they do seem impersonal, unlike clothing etc.I do appreciate that in the early stages we may well do that, but we need to learn to live with the pain until, one day, it subsides and we can learn to accept it.
It will never go away completely, that’s not possible, but acceptance of the fact that it’s happened and there’s not a thing we can do about it does help.
Having said that I do appreciate everyone will grieve in their own way. If it gives comfort in the early stages the that’s fine. But if we adopt the attitude of Miss Hathaway in ‘Great Expectations’ and sit at the wedding table for ever, then life will indeed be miserable.

As you said everyone grieves differently. I’m in early stages so the thought of removing her stuff including clothes even toiletries is a no no. But I can’t tell you what I will do in time. Some people remove their wedding rings. I wear her and mine and have no plans to remove them.