Emptiness

[Emily]

Hello everyone.
My husband passed away in October last year so it’s only 5 months ago.
I am really struggling to coming home to an empty house.
I thought I wasn’t doing to bad as I have gone back to work and I keep myself busy I have just had 9 days holiday from work and for the last 5 days of it I went to my Son and daughter in law’s for mothers day I had a really lovely time with them it was nice to have company than being alone all the while, but now I am back home alone again I just feel suffocated, sick and really upset.
I think I’m doing o.k. but it’s just so difficult at times I think I’m cracking up some days
People say it will get easier but I think I am going to feel like I am for a long long time.

Life with out him is unbearable xx

[Pattidot]

Hi Emily, I just had to reply to you. Brian passed in November so we are very similar in time. Like you I threw myself into work. I don’t go to work anymore but have always been a busy person. My husband had hobbies and sorting through his ‘den’ took weeks. We have allotments and I have worked all through the winter getting them both (his and mine) ready for the summer months. I have finished sorting through my husbands things and paperwork done at last but instead of feeling relieved and more ready to relax I feel worse.
I have avoided staying with family as I knew I had to learn to cope with my life without Brian but when they visit feel so alone when they leave. but like you I now feel as if I’m going mad and what do I do about it. I feel panic, fear, isolation and so many other things, all this when I thought I was beginning to cope and even accept my own company. I wonder how much longer the body and mind will put up with this strain and anxiety. I don’t ever think I will be happy again.