Empty without him

This last five months has been the hardest months of my life. I feel myself slipping and can’t seem to catch my grip. My big brother, my best friend, my hero, my inspiration. It’s 2am and I’m wide awake trying to cry quietly so no one else hears. How do I continue now you’re gone? I don’t want to, I don’t think I can.

Hello Clare,

I’m so sorry to hear how you are feeling. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment
and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the
community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and
will understand some of what you are going through.

Another good place to get support is The Samaritans; they are always there 24/7 if you need to talk (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org)

Take care,
Susannah
Online Community team

I feel for you. Everyone here has felt and is feeling the pain of losing someone dear. Have not tried them myself but read good things of ‘Shout UK’
There’s someone to just ‘be there’ for you 24/7 … to quote their Twitter homepage (I refuse to ‘do’ Facebook!)
"Text SHOUT to 85258 for 24/7 crisis support "

I lost my brother tragically when I was 14 and I miss him very much x

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My brother was 8 years younger than me, yet we were very close ( my sister, 11 years younger than me is completely different). I formed a link with my little brother the day we brought him home from the hospital in 1947, I was allowed to nurse him all the way home, that day a bond was formed for the rest of his life. We went into the hospital together to have our tonsils out, he was put into the next bed to me during the night I heard him crying for our mum and dad, I took the hair ribbon out from one of my plaits, pulled his bed closer to mine and we held one end each, this settled him. That was until the bossy sister came and told me off, no compassion, that one, he was only 4 years old, bless him. We remained close for the rest of our lives, he developed a condition in his lungs which kept recurring, in November 2015 he was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. On the 5th November 2015, our phone rang and much to my joy and relief I saw that it was my brother ringing, I thanked God for pulling him through as I answered the phone only to hear this woman sobbing, it was his wife telling me that John wanted to say goodbye. I asked if he was dying, I was so shocked, he replied, yes love and I just wanted to say goodbye and that I love you, sweetheart. I told him I loved him and to go to his rest and be at peace. His breathing was very laboured, I did not want him to be so uncomfortable he was on oxygen and that was it, he died 2 days later.
love,
MaryL

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I am so sorry Sarrah. x

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My heart goes out to all of you who grieve your beloved siblings. I lost my precious younger sister suddenly, a bit over a year now. Like Mary and her sibling, we formed an instant and life long bond, Even before she was born, I would put my ear to my Mom’s stomach and talk to her, and hope she might answer (I was only 5). I kept nagging my Mother, asking “when is the baby coming out?” She was my little doll, and I too was allowed to tend to her. During our childhood and onward I always tried to protect her and took her everywhere with me, because our parents worked long hours, and I was left to watch her. People referred to me as “The Little Mother,” Again, like Mary, I also had a “bossy” older sister, who lacked compassion, and was always envious of the closeness between my younger sibling and myself. Later in life we all went our own ways, for uni., jobs, relationships and such, but my younger sister & kept that bond. Time & distance could not separate us. When our parents died, my younger sister & I lifted each other, We got through it because we had each other, Then the cancer beast struck, but still we faced it together. She was doing so well, for a year after her diagnosis we were positive and hopeful, until that one tragic night. Death tried to separate us, but I will never allow it. Our love transcends death. For all of you, remember that the connection to your sibling will remain, because it is stronger than any illness or even death itself. I try to hold on to that thought. How to go on without them? I still struggle every day. Life has not been the same, nor have I, since losing her. She was and is my inspiration, and my role model. My other sibling is the opposite, and was cruel to my little sister, then took her rage out on me less than two weeks after my beloved younger sister passed. I feel I have no siblings left now, I have become an “an orphaned, only child.” This is such a lonely journey. Sorry to drone on, but it helps to share with others who understand, As always, I hope my words might touch someone else as well. We are all here for each other. Thank you for listening.
Wishing you all hope & strength to carry on. Take gentle care. Xxx, Sister2 :broken_heart:

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I have lost my parents and only sibling too xx

Hello Sister2,
I feel so sorry for you, going through the heartache which I have experienced.
It felt like the end of the world when my little brother died, he used to call me his “little big 'un” because I am not very tall and I am his big sister.
The sister who is 11 years younger than me, is the youngest of the 3 of us, she is so temperamental, it is unbelievable. A drama queen, I have always cared about her, but since she ignored Stan’s death, I have given up the ghost. It is sad because I always believed that we are a close family, there is only Elizabeth and me left.
“It is what it is”, as my brother used to say.
Blessings,
MaryL

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So sorry Sarrah, Makes one feel all alone in this world, doesn’t it? I have good friends, and some distant relatives, but at the end of the day I only have me, and my memories. Xxx

Thank you Mary. It sounds like you & your brother had a similar relationship to my sister and I.
How hurtful and that your sister would be so cold, to ignore your Stan’s passing.
My remaining sibling is also a “temperamental, drama queen.” Only she is the eldest.
We are the only two left as well, but I might as well be alone.
Yes, it did end my world when my younger sister died.
Xxx Blessings, Sister2

Thank you, Sister2
I am sure that you are right about our relationships with our siblings. To be quite honest, the sadness, is something I am becoming used to, I shall always grieve for my brother, as I have said in an earlier post, we love them so much it is hard to come to terms with their passing. I know this much we shall all meet up again when the time is right.
Take care, love,
Mary x

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