It’s hard to explain how I feel, there are no adequate words. I’m empty, there’s a ‘nothingness’ that is me now. I just don’t care about anything, except my children. Nothing matters to me, there’s nothing that upsets or winds me up, I just can’t be bothered with the day to day trivialities of living. A queue at the supermarket ? Someone cuts me up on the road ? It’s all so so insignificant now, I can’t think of anything that matters. Yes I go through the motions, I get up, I shave, I shower. I tidy up a bit, I eat, I wash the dishes, I stare blankly at the tele, I answer the door, I answer the phone, but all the time it feels like someone else doing all of this,I feel like I’m on the inside of this body, just watching and listening to what it does, total alienation, detachment. I’m not ‘living’ I wouldn’t even say I was ‘existing’ I don’t know what I am or who I am, sometimes I remember what I was and who I was, but that was when you were here, my life was whole, my life was complete, I was happy. That was then, this is now, I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t know what I am anymore, just an empty shell.
11 Likes
You are doing brilliantly, we all have to carry on until that light comes back.
You know what all those other things never did matter and maybe never will again, but your children do and your lhave ove shines through. You are a good human who loves deeply and thus your grief is deep but you are there for them, such a wonderful example. The light will come and your loved one who has passed will always be with you.
Take care and one step at a time.
1 Like