It’s Friday again. I find that by Friday I am tired from putting on a face, going to work, smiling and functioning. It’s so hard when your heart is broken and you feel like you’re carrying a concrete block around. Even on a Friday when I get home it takes a while now to switch over to my other life of thinking and going to my son’s grave. It’s like we live two different lives. We have to take part in a world that I know longer feel part of. Thinking of everyone on this journey xx
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Thinking of you x
Sheila thank you so much for replying and for your words of understanding and wisdom. I know now that people who haven’t experienced loss think we are grieving for our loved one only. And we are. But we are also grieving for ourselves, for the person we used to be who has disappeared. And we grieve for our future which we thought we had planned but which has gone. So much changes it’s a wonder anybody survives. I think that’s why we gravitate towards people who understand. If they are further on their journey we take hope from them that we to will survive. 50 years is a lifetime Sheila. How could you not miss him. But I’m sure you take some comfort from having experienced that special love. I have wished so often from my son died that his dad was with me to share the pain. But I’ve also realized that the special love I had hoped to find I already had. It was with my son rather than a partner. He was such a special young man. It was just a privilege for me to be his mum. I am going today to start the process of buying a headstone for his grave. I never in a million years thought I’d have to do that. Thank you again Sheila for your message. I find life lonely now and it’s nice to hear from someone who shares this journey. And you know Sheila in a way I don’t want it to get easier because he was to special for that. Love to you, Claire xx