My husband Brian died four years ago and I am still finding life very difficult. I feel that I am such a selfish person. Yesterday my friend came to visit me and we were talking when her husband phoned her. They just had an ordinary conversation about shopping etc. at the end she said I love you to him. It was like a knife slicing through me. Because I realised that I will never have those conversations ever again with Brian. I love all my friends but they are all couples with children and they can’t even imagine what is like to be me, with no family. I am truly glad they are so happy together and of course I want them to love each other, but it hurts as I no longer have that in my life. I don’t want to be that horrible, selfish person. I hope I can get over this as I can’t avoid all friends as I need them in my life. I do actually feel better writing this down.
I don’t think you’re being selfish, you’re just being human. I’m earlier on than you at five and a half months after after suddenly losing my partner of forty years . My sister and my cousin were discussing their holidays today where they were going with their husbands etc. I was feeling somewhere between envy and deep sadness as they discussed their plans. I could never tell them how I felt, they wouldn’t understand. When I came home to the empty house I just sobbed as I closed the door. Yesterday I was feeling a bit better but today I feel I’ve taken 20 steps back.
To both norma and misty in feel exactly the same ,I envy seeing couples together esp older ones and realise I have lost that now for ever ,no one to make plans with or discuss important or trivial things with. It’s certainly not being selfish to feel this way ,as you said Norma it’s just being human. We have lost not only our loved one but a life partner so our lives as normal too. We dont want other people to have their lives and plans with their husbands and partners ,we simply wish with all out hearts we still had that life too. That’s a human reaction. Best wishes to us all.
I feel exactly the same when I am out about. Especially older couples, I mentioned it at a bereavement cafe I went to yesterday. The counsellor there said it was a normal reaction. As it reminds of how much we miss our partners
Hi, I feel exactly the same as you, it is like you say, a knife going straight through my heart. I even sometimes get upset watching happy couples on tv as i miss my partner so badly. I think my friends and family just assume I’m ok now as it’s coming up to 5 years this year I lost my partner, but they don’t know how hard it is to put on a brave face everyday. Sending love to you all x
I’m starting to feel that discomfort and unfairness too. Seeing happy couples everywhere, them making plans for the future, holidays
Me and my partner made lots of plans for the future, he was helping me heal from the recent loss of both parents and trying to show me that there will be good days again. Planned a holiday destination, and lots of outings and hobbies, places to visit, road trips.
Except the only plans now we have are what kind of palliative treatment he will be getting, or will he be referred to a hospice or pass away at home.
The future just now feels cold and empty.