I haven’t come across any posts relating to the heartache and frustration that is caused when you loose your soulmate and left to sort out everything from a will to banks etc.
My heart is breaking from the loss of my husband and yet nobody gives a damn when it comes to money. They all want it yesterday but those who should be paying out promptly are dragging their feet. There is no care or compassion anymore despite me reduced to tears trying to explain. All I get is fill in the form, send the death certificate and copy of the will.
I lie awake all night sobbing while emailing various organisations in an attempt to avoid telephone breakdowns when all I want is a cuddle from the man I devoted my life to. In return I get either ignored or email back saying “we are in the process of dealing with this and will contact you shortly” I find myself thinking unkind thoughts like “ I hope it happens to you one day so you know how it feels “ this is totally out of my character but grief is harsh
As always I send lots of love to you lovely people who reach to this forum to deal with your loss
Jen x
Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss, and I know exactly what you are going through now. It took me over a year to sort out all the paperwork, sending copies of documents, certificates, appointments here, there and everywhere, I felt like a yoyo, being tossed backwards and forwards, dealing with public officials, and all this during the pandemic, with all those restrictions. I got to the point where I just wanted to scream at all those heartless people: “Don’t you realise I’m trying to grieve?” I don’t want to be pessimistic, it’s probably a little easier in the UK, more efficient. I live in Italy where the bureaucracy is really overwhelming and efficiency is nonexistent.
I hope everything goes smoother for you. We really don’t need all this official stuff while our hearts are breaking.
Take care.
Thank you for bring up a valid thread on this , it’s awful having to deal with it on your own.
i was very lucky Mandys sister stayed with me for 2 weeks after her death and sorted most of the ugly stuff out for me .
I’m almost 2 months on and everything apart from probate has been sorted . We dealt very early with things which helped enormously, it kept my mind busy too.
Her pensions are the only ones dragging their heels big time but I’m in no hurry at all and must get round to giving them a nudge .
One task at a time , make a list .
@Northumbrian54
Hello and thank you for your reply. It must have been such a relief to have someone there with you to help as this sorting stuff is overwhelming.
I like you got straight on to everything to keep my mind busy and get it out of the way but I am finding it incredibly frustrating and stressful. Mike left this world thinking everything was in place to effectively look after me and he wouldn’t have anticipated all the hoops I would have to go through.
I am totally dependent on life insurance & pensions as I gave up work to look after him so have no income at the moment. Savings are dwindling fast while these companies waffle on and delay what should be a simple task of writing a cheque.
Reading what you have said it looks like I will be waiting a long time yet maybe my expectations were too high.
Take care
Jen
@Solost thank you for replying, I am sorry for your loss and the difficulty you faced getting things sorted. I had hoped things would be simple and swift but sadly all this is doing is causing more stress and heartache along with financial worry.
It frustrates me how heartless these companies are and like you want to yell at them but try to remain polite despite the pain I feel. I’m finding emails help as though they are time consuming I don’t have to listen to someone talking utter rubbish on the phone and I have a record of everything.
I wish you well as you continue your journey
Jen
Hi Jen64
So sorry to hear about the problems you’re having sorting out your husband’s estate. I must admit I had a completely different experience when sorting out my wife’s estate. The banks were fine they just asked for the number on the death certificate. Some of the organizations I dealt with did seem to drag their feet a bit, the private pensions were the worst offenders.
I scanned a copy of her will onto the computer, and everybody I dealt with was happy to receive this by email, and also only required the death certificate number, almost everything I did was done online. The fastest communication I received after Linda’s death was from the DWP saying they had overpaid her pension and they wanted it back.
Whenever I had to speak to anyone on the phone, they always said how sorry they were for my loss. The registrar’s office was brilliant, because of covid we couldn’t go to register the death, a lady from his office phoned us to go through the procedure and registered the death with us sending a copy by email to check that everything was correct before printing them.
Once again I’m so sorry about your experience, and hope everything comes together for you.
Lots of love to you too, Barry x
Hi @Jen64,
I have to say my experience was the same as @Bazb. Doug died during lockdown, I registered his death over the phone, they phoned me.
I used the “tell us once” service which automatically informed, DWP, council etc. Most other things I did over the phone, insurance, utility bills, the building society I did over the counter they just took a photocopy of the death certificate.
I did phone the DWP, about his attendance allowance, and the lady I spoke to asked me if was claiming widows allowance, I didn’t know I could so she claimed it for me over the phone.
Because we had mirror wills and did not own property there was no probate to deal with. The only issue I had was changing our join tenancy to just my name with the housing association, this took over six months. Even now 16 months later they still address letters to Mr & Mrs …
Everyone was very kind and gave their condolences, but it was strange the first time someone referred to me as a widow.
I hope you finish getting all your admin sorted, without too much more hassle.
Sending love
Debbie X
Hi Debbie57
That reminded me I also used the “tell us once” service, which did everything you said. It was the lady from registrars office who told me about it, and I think a couple of other organisations did. I must admit I only received one letter with Mr & Mrs and that was from a government department.
Jen64, hope you manage to get everything sorted out without too much more hassle.
Both of you take care keep plodding on, sending my love.
Barry xx
I also used the Do it Once service, and it was a superb service. In fact the Registrar filled in the application form and emailed it off while I was still there. They informed every government department and everything was sorted in a few days. The banks took a while, mainly because I used an internet bank, and they were extra cautious about security.
Hi @Jen64, I am so sorry that you are having a tough time with this. My wife died suddenly at age 50 in February from cancer. She had no Will! Why would she, she wasn’t supposed to die! I used the tell us once system and it was very good, but I had to apply for Letters of Administration for her workplace pension, which has been the worst, still waiting for this to be resolved. When Rachel passed away I was directed to MacMillan and they were nothing short of amazing. They helped me with financial support and even helped with an energy payment which came from Npower, not my provider. I don’t know if this is relevant or helps, but they have a helpline and were amazing. Sending you hugs.
I had the same problems when my single daughter died. Her main bank account got frozen, received e mails every month from the same bank saying the mortgage hadn’t been paid even though they had been notified. She only owed 3 months mortgage before her house was paid for but they wouldn’t let me pay it. They wouldn’t take the money out of her bank but they took the money for her credit card. Then when probate was finally through they didn’t release the money. Twice I had cause to complain and twice they paid out compensation. Utility company was informed of her death and told when the empty house was sold I would send a meter reading and pay the bill. I still received a bill every month which they told me to ignore then they passed the estimated debt on to debt collectors. Again I complained and received compensation from them. I must admit her work were great pensions sorted out quickly along with death in service money but companies and a couple of her banks were awful. I have every sympathy with you it’s not what you need when grieving. It actually took the tax man 16 months to sort out her tax account going from us owing them money to us getting 2 tax refund cheques. I would just say log everything down and complain if you need to.
Sorry for your loss
@Jude53 I am sorry for your loss and everything you have gone through. There needs to be a uniform response to resolve matters as quickly as possible for bereft family members and this should be a government policy so that we are not left to wade through piles of letters, going round in circles paying money out but getting nothing back.
I have been so upset having to explain again and again then sending death certificates to then opening letters with them returned. It’s like being kicked repeatedly.and no room for escape to grieve.
I wish you well
Jen x
@Rusty54 thank you for the tips you have given and I am so sorry that you lost your Rachel to this dreadfully cruel illness.
Sending you a hug in return and wish you well
Jen
@Bazb thank you for your message, it seems you didn’t have too much anguish dealing with everything, I must be unlucky or maybe just naive . I’ve now instructed a solicitor to help as I felt like I was swimming against the tide. I am also taking onboard all of the advice offered from you kind people.
Thank you also for you love as I send some in return
Jen
I think matters were worse due to covid as so many people working from home but it was a truly horrible time. I used to dread the postman coming as I’m sure you do. I wish you wellxx
@Debbie57 thank you for sharing your experience and I apologise for the late reply. I’m still struggling with things but my solicitor has told me these things will take time and to just take a step back to look after myself while she now takes over. I feel relieved but frustrated and wish my hubby was still here with me as the pain of his loss isn’t getting any easier.
Sending love to you too
Jen x
Yes I tend to agree the private pension was .
the worst
I rang them every other day in the end there was no reason at all for holding back the money.
I agree it is very hard and upsetting I did cry many tears.