Hi Tim
I lost my husband nearly a year ago now and everything is still how he left it. The only items I’ve got rid of are his wheelchair and slip on shoes as they were bought because of his cancer and not because he wanted them.
Last week I actually threw out his shampoo and shower gel as they were practically empty and the shower had ‘solidified’.
I don’t cry as much as I used to but the tears are never far from the surface.
Take care of yourself,
X Julie
My husband died 14 months ago, I still have his toothbrush next to mine, his dressing gown hangs on a hook with mine. and walking stick next to the bed. His cap just where he last left it. I don’t cry as much now when I see them, but it gives me comfort to feel him all around me. X X
So sorry for you loss Tim it is so hard to vary in with out them beside us it will be a year next week since my beloved husband suddenly passed it’s been awful I’m still here plodding along miss him so much life changed for the worse his belongings also are still in same place could never move his dressing gown hanging beside mine and his bits on his bedside table it’s so lonely to manage this new life have to try sending hugs take care x
I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in June 2021 then lost my daughter August 21 my only child am going through the motions not living no answers just loves and hugs fi x
I am so very sorry Fiona for your loss and now having to deal with being I’ll I don’t have the words to make any thing better just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and feel so sorry xx
Tim I lost my husband six months ago and I still have everything in the house as it was. The only changes that I have made are to start painting the walls he prepared even when he was ill. I cannot imagine a time when it will be different.
This is so hard like us all wish they was with us to give us hugs and talk to us I’m struggling with out him so much not sure how this year has gone with out him never thought I would be living with out him yet was so looking forward to retirement growing old together take care all hope you are copping bit better x
I haven’t changed the house much apart for getting the living room painted, something we had both previously planned. I did move his chair, no one would sit on it before but now they all want too.
The garden shed had been left just as it was the last time he was in it. I do go in to get the lawnmower or any tools I might need or brush cobwebs away. But I’m always careful to put everything back in exactly the same place.
Like you Rose, we didn’t get to spend retirement together and that makes me sad.
Take care everyone, Debbie X
Hi Solost, I feel the same as you, I lost my wife 14 months ago, I think it actually gets worse as time goes by. Ria was also my soul mate, we both met each other after coming out of bad relationship’s, Ria was Dutch and we met on holiday in Spain, she came over with her kids to live with me in England and we never looked back, we were only married 20 years and we had so many plans ahead together, but sadly Ria died from metastasis cancer, caused from bile duct cancer. She was only 61 and I had just retired, I don’t know how I have managed to get this far since it happened, I have lost a lot of confidence and feel it’s so hard to move on, it’s worse when you see family and friends moving on with their lives, I understand that they have to move on, but how the hell do you get through what is without doubt the hardest thing that anyone has to go through. People tell me just take one day at a time, but every day is like groundhog day and I find myself reliving that final day over and over again, I have taken to writing my thoughts and feelings on my tablet, I find this quite therapeutic, but I just wish I could find some relief from my thought’s.
Hi Wireman, so sorry you lost your wife. I sometimes feel that time has just stopped for me. My mind is still there, that day, that second it happened while my body is carrying on like a clockwork toy, getting on with life just because it’s a habit, no enthusiasm, total apathy. It does help to write down our feelings here, sharing with others who we know understand exactly what we’re going through. “Nothing becomes real 'till it’s experienced”, as J. Keats wrote.
Take care
Hello Solost,
Reading your post is like reading my mind. Total shock and disbelief. It would have been our 45th wedding anniversary in November. We had known each other since I was 17. His death was sudden, unexpected and catastrophic. I keep going over what happened. The coroner finds the cause of death inconclusive. It’s hanging over us, but the GP tells me we might never know! I too have good days and very bad days. The tears flow most of the time. Family are amazing, but I now have a huge void in my life, and the pain is so raw.
Let us hope that in time, the wonderful memories will help us, but at the moment nothing helps to lessen my grief. Grandchildren help me on a weekly basis, but then I have to go home to an empty, cold, quiet flat.
Hello wireman 53,
It’s heartbreaking reading all these posts and yours touched me. How do we get through it?? I don’t think it’s really sunk in for me yet. I know it’s early days as everyone keeps telling me. However, most people have never gone through this pain, I feel my heart has literally broken. We worked together for years. We were rarely apart. Everyday I wake up to the nightmare again.
We have to believe that happiness will return.
Take care
I feel exactly the same .I lost my wife of 20 years , 8 months ago to covid .
2 weeks and she was gone , like she had been snatched away in the night and I didn’t get chance to say goodbye because she was on a ventilator .
Every day I cry , everyday I tell her I love her and miss her .I just can’t handle being on my own with no one to talk to or share things with . I honestly wish I had died with her x
Hi Poochy, Hi Tim, sorry for your losses. I know the heartache you’re going through, just like all of us here, so grateful to have found this safe place to share our sorrow, trying to make it a little bit more tolerable. That’s what I think about grief, it never goes away,havevto learn to live with it. For me, my husband’s still here, I just can’t see him, I hate it when friends and relatives talk about him in the past, I prefer not to talk about him at all.
Take care all.
I can understand totally. I lost my Husband 8 months ago.and can’t move on yet.all this clothes are still hanging in the bedroom.his shoes his after shave…I can’t move anything.I know he isn’t coming back but I can’t accept it.
I can often too.the smallest thing can set me off.
It’s like tying to learn to live again without him but it’s so painful and so hard.
I lost Ian 47 weeks ago today. His passing was sudden and unexpected. Like you, I have left everything of his as it was.
I’m finding it very hard to accept what happened and still text him twice a day.
As to learning to live without him, I’m not sure I ever can.
Take care
Julie x
Hi Julie.
I’m not sure how we are ment to move on.I find it so hard to do even simple things like shopping as we were always together.
We worked together also.we were together 24/7
I’ve been talking to a bereavement councillor and I find it helps a bit to talk.
I find myself seeing something and thinking oh I must tell Ken about that. Then I realise…how do we cope Julie I don’t know.but we have to try as I’m sure our loved ones would want us too hard as it is
It’s not easy …Steven x
Hello Stephenj, I feel sorry for your loss and can understand that working together as well as living together is a massive loss. My husband and I did the same and we were total soulmates. You are right that they wouldn’t want us to grieve as we do but take comfort in the saying - ‘He would not want his legacy to be that his death destroyed you’.
Take care.
I’m so very sorry lv annie x x
I’m the same , it’s been 8 months since I lost my wife but her toothbrush , her flannel are still in the bathroom , her slippers and shoes are in the lounge where she left them , I have her dressing gown under her pillow which I haven’t and won’t wash .all her clothes are where she left them . She is still here in this house x