Every Day is so difficult

Well this week on Wednesday it will be 15 weeks since my beloved husband Dave passed . I feel worse now than ever! I try to get by, then I come home and it’s like every single emotion just overwhelms me.

I’m caring for my terminally ill Mum, my dad who has dementia and trying to grieve and finding everything really really hard.

I walk into my my mums every morning with a feeling of dread, thinking how would I cope if I found her gone ( does that sound awful , I don’t mean it to) but that is what goes through my head .

I feel like I’m on a treadmill with no final destination in sight .

I so want my hubby to take me in his arms and say everything will be ok I’m here , like he used to but that’s not going to happen again, it so unfair…

Hello Mrs T1 your post made me so sad, you certainly have more than your fair share of things to deal with. I am so sorry to read you recently lost your husband, that must be so awful. Was it sudden or expected? Do you have lots of support coping with your parents situation, you need to have some time to yourself to grieve and mourn your husband. I can’t imagine how you are feeling but you mustn’t feel guilt about the thoughts you have when are bracing yourself to go into your Mums house, it’s only natural to think those things. There are lots of people here on this forum to listen and support you, you are not and never will be alone. Keep sharing and reaching out xx

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Hi , no it was very sudden he was talking to me one minute and gone the next! My mum has Carers but they can’t give meds so I have to be there morning lunch and tea and bed time. Dad gets no help so that’s what it is x tried to get him help but no one will asses with the current COVID situation so I just have to carry on!

Think I must be getting on average 3 hours sleep as you can tell by me posting on here , sleep is not coming easily at the moment.

Just don’t how long I can carry on like this for? Just feels surreal x

Hello again MrsT1, I would go to your GP and ask for some help, plead for it, demand it as otherwise you are going to go crazy with all that you have on your plate. We are always being bombarded with news that there is help out there, so please speak to your GP, tell them you are not coping and at the end of your tether, they must surely understand that having been recently bereaved, there is only so much you can cope with?

Thank you, tried that was given a number to call for cognitive therapy, it was a answer machine , hmm no one called back , called Cruise , they gave me a number for the Lancashire group as no Cruise in Merseyside, again left message , no one called back. I have a buddy call every Wednesday from Marie Curie for Mum that does help but feel I need proper bereavement counselling. I was put in touch with Liverpool Bereavement Counselling 5 weeks ago , and was told they would fast track me as I was in need of support , again nothing . I know this is a unprecedented time for everyone but I am finding it very difficult to cope with at present.

I hate feeling like this, I feel so out of of control.

Oh that’s so frustrating. Yes unprecedented times indeed but that’s not helping you is it. Are you in a position to consider private counselling or not? I know it can be expensive but a friend if mine is having her sessions online now - (Zoom) and the hourly price is reduced, but she said its just as good as face to face? I know this might not be an option for you, but thought I would mention it. I hope you find this forum to be of some help. Sometimes all we need or want is a cup of coffee and a good old chat / cry with our friends, but at the present time that is not so easy. All my family are in Scotland and I haven’t been back home since April when we buried my Mum, it is so hard not being able to spend time with the exact people we need to, who could properly comfort us. X

Have you tried Talking Therapies. I had CBT through them a while back

Dear MrsT1,
It is good that you have come to this online community. Just knowing that you are not alone can help a bit. You are going through a very difficult time and deserve all the support you can get. I have sent you a private message as well.

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Hi @MrsT1, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband passing away and everything else you have to cope with caring for your parents. You sound completely overwhelmed.

I’ve replied to you on another conversation about bereavement counselling, but it sounds as though you could also really do with some support with your parents, so I just wanted to make a couple of suggestions. These helplines can give expert advice on getting the right care for your parents, but they are also there for emotional support if you just need to talk.

  • Marie Curie have a helpline for anyone caring for a loved one with terminal illness: 0800 090 2309
  • Alzheimer’s Society have a support line for anyone affected by dementia (of any type): 0333 150 3456
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