Everyday holds a new pain

Hi all on this forum
Today was a day that again makes me know I’m on my own with out my soulmate .
It was a beautiful day out side so I thought I’ll cut the grass I walked to my husbands hut at the bottom of the garden and for the first time since he passed I opened the door and I just burst .
All his tools were he left them all his things that he made all the memories of him at the window waving out to me or shouting out for a tea telling me I wasn’t allowed in because I would clean it I sat on a wooden box and cried till I could hardly breath a hour later I was still sitting on a box .
Everyday seems to hold a new pain sorry for my wee rant .

I understand completely where you are coming from, no wonder you are so upset. I hope you are feeling more settled now, for a while at least.

Hi to you both
Thank you for you kind thoughts I know we are all in this horrendous journey it just feels like every time I turn round there is something new to make me fall to my knees like you both and everyone on the forum I want the only person who New me inside out back and I know that isn’t going to happen .
I sound like a child asking for something they can’t have saying it’s not fair .
I fell so frightened with the thought that this is it my life is now this horrendous journey with no one to hold me or make me laugh or just talk I felt beautiful happy outgoing safe greatly loved because I was loved by a truly beautiful loving man and now I feel old frightened and unsure of my self .
The tears flow again my heart is just so broken as I know we are all grieving for the one we love .
I’m sorry this is such a mournful rant .
Thinking of you all
Lily

Rant away, I can understand how upsetting this was for you. We just think the everyday activities will never change and it’s when they do you feel so powerless take care x

Hello again Lily. Don’t be sorry for the rant. I had a colossal rant at about 3am this morning on another thread and wondered if I had dreamt writing it when I awoke. I hadn’t, but the pain has to come out at some point, holding it in is like sweeping water uphill. Yes, we do feel old, frightened and vulnerable and in a way “detached”. I definitely agree. I hope today treats us both, and everyone else - kindly and gentle. Tina.

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