Ex husband died

Really struggling today. Found out this week that my ex husband has died. As a family we have been trying to track him down for years. I was looking on Internet on Monday and a deceased estates notice came up. It is such a shock as I found it while trying to contact him.

Eventually found a friend who contacted an old friend who I rang. He told me that Neil had been lost at sea in 2013 but just declared dead as they never found a body.

I am a complete mess, and so are my grown-up children , we had all hoped we would see him again

I feel like a widow, but because I was divorced, no one understands how we feel. None of us wanted the marriage to end so there was more closure there and no facts, body or grave to help us grieve.

We are all falling apart
What do I do

Hi Chrissy I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through; bad enough losing a loved one but with no body or grave it must be devastating. I wish I could find the words to comfort you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care x

Hi Chrissy,

I am so sorry for your loss - what an incredibly difficult situation for you and your children. You have been searching for answers for a long time, and this was not what you wanted to find.

Your grief is natural and valid, even if people around you don’t understand that. I hope that it helps a tiny bit to be able to write down how you are feeling here.

You can find several other members who’ve lost a partner in this recent conversation: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-my-husband-may-year

We have also had a couple of previous conversations from people who had a complicated relationship with the person who has died. Although neither of these situations is the same as yours, I thought there might be aspects that you could relate to:

JG1964 lost his wife, who he was separated from: https://support.sueryder.org/community/dealing-diagnosis/seperated-wife-terminal-cancer
Owl lost her estranged father: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/death-my-estranged-father

Please feel free to join in with any conversation by adding a reply if you feel like it.

I too lost my ex three weeks ago and am struggling. I still thought the world of him and he was killed suddenly. I can’t get over the shock.

Hi Donnas. I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy and I find time doesn’t really heal, it helps you to learn to live with the loss in a strange sort of way; you don’t really get over it. Sitting at the grave sometimes I find it hard to believe it’s actually my husband’s grave. I hope you have family and friends to help and support you through this traumatic time. Take care and keep posting this is the best place to be, everyone here understands what you’re going through and will be supportive. Libby x

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