I don’t know how to get through this. I lost my husband 4 and a half weeks ago to cancer, we knew it was incurable but he became unwell and died within a few weeks, he was only 53. I am trying to hold it together for our 3 teenage kids but the numbness and shock are starting to subside for all of us and reality is hitting and I feel I am carrying everyone’s grief. I hurt for what my kids have lost but even more for what I’ve lost. I think about him all the time and feel this heavy weight on my chest and panic at the thought of the future without him. It’s all so exhausting. I’m still in my 40’s and although people have been so kind and supportive none of them truly knows how it feels so I find myself just saying that I’m doing ok and I’m not. It would be good to connect with people that understand.
Hi @Nic16 I’m so sorry for your loss. My wonderful husband passed 10 weeks ago today at aged 56 after a short illness so I understand completely how you feel. It’s such early days for you as yet and to a degree you are probably still very much in shock so this all will take time. I have 5 children and a little Granddaughter and I know you will be trying to stay strong for your children, but also remember it’s ok not to be ok, tell people how you are really feeling don’t try to hold it all in, how old are your children, if you don’t mind me asking? Grief is a process and I’m afraid there are no quick fixes when you’ve loved and lost someone who was the ‘other half of you’. Be gentle with yourself, try to eat and sleep as best you can, it can be exhausting sometimes, but you will get through it x
It is exhausting! I’m 52 and my husband died in the autumn, I felt it hard to know what I’m supposed to be doing, I don’t know anyone who has been in my position. Just keep taking one day at a time. My sons are in their early 20’s and with yours being in their teens you can’t just collapse in a heap, you still need to be mum.
I would suggest joining WAY s as you can hopefully connect with others in your age range with children too, there will be meet ups etc It makes all the difference to talk to people who know what you are going through.
So sorry for your loss what you describe is normal. I felt all that. I found talking to my husband helped. Sounds Crazy but lot of us do it. My children were grown up and left home when my husband died two years ago. I learned that it was ok to say I miss him or bring up memories and have a cry. It releases the tension. I lived day to day and gradually the fog lifts. Life is going to be different but you will survive. Be honest and open with your children. Mummy is feeling sad today missing daddy so I need your help… if you open that door they will grieve with you share their thoughts. Let them talk about their memories of their dad. It will lighten your load. And it’s ok to cry. I was listening to music and ironing last night. One of his songs came on and I felt the tears but I’m ok with that.
And this forum is a great help. After two years I come on here in spurts. Day to day I’m coping but sometimes memories birthdays anniversaries come up and I want to verbalise what I feel to someone who understands. It’s early days for you . You are doing great. Sending a hug. That’s what I miss most the hug that says it’s going to be ok.
Its been 15 weeks since I lost my beloved husband to cancer, so I understand what you are going through.
Being on here helps if you want to talk.
Thank you for your replies and I’m sorry that you are all going through this too. My kids are 13, 17 and 19 , they definitely give me a purpose for getting up each day but I feel that I am just going through the motions for their sake. I miss my husband so much.
Hi Nic16
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, I lost my husband aged 57 in October, also to cancer. Do you have family and friends for support. I know it helps doing your everyday chores with your 3 lovely children, as I find it a bit easier when I’m with one of my 3 grandchildren. But also I find that I need time just on my own with my thoughts. Do you manage to get time on your own where you’re not too exhausted to be able to think?
I too lost my beloved husband to cancer on 23rd November 2024, he had just turned 50 in june. We had celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary on 19th October and 3 days later we found out he had cancer.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. Is it me or does there seem to be a lot of men in their 50s. What’s going on!
Hi Lolly27,
Thank you for your reply, I am managing very little time on my own as the kids just want to be around me all the time and my youngest has anxiety which started after his granny died from cancer 3years ago. We are lucky that we have lots of good friends and family around us but my husbands passing came as a shock to everyone because he had such little time in the end. I feel that they are all managing their grief too and I don’t have the energy to take that on. I can see how it would be so easy to isolate yourself from everyone.
Yes I have noticed on this forum that there seems to be a lot in that age group 
Just what I was thinking. I am so sorry that so many of you here have lost your husbands or partners so young…only in their 50’s. It is so tragic and unfair. I feel for you so much. With love xx
Hi Poppet1973,
I am so sorry that you had so little time with your husband, my husband was doing well following treatment but we got told a week and half before he passed that there was nothing else they could do for him as his organs were shutting down, I just can’t process it as he was well at Christmas and new year. He would not have wanted us to be sad as he was such a cheery person pretty much to the end but I am an emotional wreck without him.
I’m 45 this year and my partner died aged 55 on 1st January this year. I was completely unexpected and completely devastated me. All our plans have just gone and now my life is just getting through the days. My son is 22 and we lived with him and his fiancé and our doggy. They are so good to me but need their own life and I’ve lost the person I shared a life with . It’s so hard to know how to get through this and think about the future.
We were told on 13th November it was too late and cancer had spread too quick and went to his lungs and he was too weak for chemo
I don’t think want to think about the future without my beloved husband, our kids are grown up and living there own lives.
Me neither but it’s just looms ahead and terrifies me I will forever feel like this. I just want to hide away from the world and be at home where I feel safe knowing his memories are here
It’s the same for me, my kids are 32 and 29 and have their own partners and children. We all had the flu over Christmas and spent the whole 2 weeks in our own homes. It was just another day. I can’t see any kind of future at the moment, just emptiness.
That poem is so relatable
I feel terrified for the future without him. I too worry that I’m going to feel like this forever.
I worry about feeling like this forever, but to be honest I also worry about not feeling like this. Like I don’t know what you feel like years later but I never want to not feel this level of love for my husband. I don’t ever want to look at his photo and think I’m ok with this now. Does that happen? I’m quite worried about that.
Nic, you are in the very, very, early days of grief and I think you are expecting too much of yourself. Learn to live hour by hour. Yes, you are just going through the motions. You are in shock! It is hard to function in shock.
Pay the bills, feed yourself and the kids nutritious food, and get rest. Of course you hurt for your children and what they’ve lost, it is something no momma wants for her kids. Kids tend to not see adults as having feelings. Cry in the shower and scream into your pillow.
Yes, you are just going through the motions. We all are, we get it. Just trying to function is exhausting. There is no rush.
Do not grieve for the future you lost, you will grieve it when it gets here.
Make a list of 5 things you must do each day, do them and mark them off. It will be a visual reminder that you are, in fact, functioning. At the end of the week you will have accomplished 35 things. 150 in a month.
You are going to survive. It’s going to be hard for a long time, but you will learn to live again. I am so sorry.