Exhausted

I know that waking up every morning is hard and getting out of bed is hard and trying to get through the day is hard but I seem to have got to the point where I don’t know if I have the energy to keep doing it. How do we keep doing this for a lifetime without being able to look forward to doing things with our soulmates? I just feel empty and exhausted.

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I kow exactly how you feel, and trying to live this new “normal” life without a loved one is so hard.
It just seems to be getting worse, with the continuous crying, pain and heartache. It’s been 18 weeks and I’m crying more now and there’s nothing to look forward to anymore . It’s just so unreal and I still can’t believe that I’ll never see him again. What I would’nt give to have him back where he belongs.
Take care x

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I think I’m just waiting for him to come back because this can’t have happened. But then when I realise it has, I am exhausted just getting through the day.

Hi where has the pleasure of life gone. Flying solo is no fun. Its exhausting being exhausted. Doesnt matter that you might fill your day doing things that once gave pleasure because as the evening draws in you are alone. As the sun rises you are alone. When I glimpse a photo I instantly feel sad but I push it back. All this emotion is to much.
I cant see how it can change. I believe as time continues to move forward so do we, but it seems however fast the hours pass memories keep us stuck.

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I can see why people go back into their own past world. I watched it happen with my grandma and my mum. It’s almost a protection from the real world where the light has gone out.

I agree in the past there is peace, we know we cant stay there and we end back here. I dont have 24/7 sadness but I dont have the happieness as it was. It is a difficult one to explain. Its just a sadness but from deep within and there does not seem to be anything that can keep it away.

I know what you mean - and it can erupt at any time. I never used to cry - it took a lot as I was more of the mindset for dealing with whatever the problem was. Trouble is, there is no way of ‘dealing’ with this ‘problem’. My life as it was - happy and fulfilling - ended the night he died.

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I know what you mean I have always been good at hiding my emotions. Counting to ten a lot taking deep breaths always worked. Now its a deeper breath almost having to hold it to stop the tears, only when around people though.
Your right there is no way or doesnt seem to be, therapys not for me, getting a hug doent work, none of these things will bring him back and at the end of the day that is all that will make it good again.
I have no solution to this it is at it will be.

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I am having counselling so I will see if that helps on any way. Ultimately, like you say, only him being here can make it ok and that can’t happen.

Dear @Jules4,
I so agree with every word you say, especially about feeling empty and exhausted.

I lost my wife Nicki 47 weeks ago today, and for the past few weeks I seem to be struggling more than ever. The only way I seem able to get through a day is to sleep or total physical inactivity. As soon as I start moving around our house, looking at Nicki’s belongings - clothes, recipe book collection, cross-stitch projects, etc - or anything that reminds me of her or “us”, my mind just floods with sadness, futility and sense of loss. It’s like I’m trying to avoid reality. I have a pile of letters I need to deal with, emails I need to respond to, and I find I just keep putting things off until tomorrow, but tomorrow never seems to come. I feel mentally incapable of dealing with anything, I simply want to crawl into a hole and join my wife.

I am sorry I cannot offer any hope or comfort. But I do believe that our loved ones are still close by, and can see and hear everything we do and say. That belief is one of the very few things that keeps me going.

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I know what you mean about letters and emails. I still have so many to deal with and have no energy to do it. I don’t want years of this. We were meant to have a retirement together.

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Living life like this is a daunting task. We don’t know why we deserve these suffering and how or if we could get out of it some day.
It’s evolving somewhat 3 months after she passed. I had this dull aching, persistent sadness deep in my heart. I don’t cry as easily as it initially was. Dunno if I’m moving forward or just become numb. Recently I find myself reluctant to deal with mails statements everything.
Whenever I have flash about our original plan of retiring in Taiwan I feel some much pain. It’s just hell to watch dreams falling apart right before your eyes. I don’t know if I should go there alone when my daughter goes to uni 2 years later. That would be a challenge as everything there reminded me of our final trip early this year. I try not to think too much but it’s difficult.

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