Facebook friends

You know what I find annoying? People making assumptions. I have only a moderate number of friends on FB, I don’t post much because I am a private person. It’s best that way, keep your business private, do not make your life an open book. I prefer privately messaging those friends I get on best with.

Sometimes I can go weeks or even months without being in contact. This is because I naturally value my solitude. Then I find some people have unfriended me or just do not reply. They have taken it that I ignored them on purpose. Yet this is not true. I just don’t waste time and energy babbling on FB daily like so many. I don’t want to know people’s daily nonsense! If a friend is real, they wait and are just the same no matter what gaps of time. All of us have hidden pressures and worries, times when we just need to be alone to think.


Dear Rachel

I’m sure many people feel as you do, anger is of course a part of grief. However you are dealing with it, by keeping yourself to yourself, or being private, I wish you well, but if these strong feelings persist then perhaps you could look at asking for help from a professional.

best wishes


Hi Rachel, I’m like you I don’t post much on Facebook, but I do keep in contact with friends using WhatsApps groups.
Feels friendlier somehow . X

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Hi Rachel - I think Facebook and social media generally is a mixed blessing. I haven’t got the patience with all the being friends then not being friends and general uninformed rubbish that some people post. Often because they’ve got nothing better to do with their time. Leave them to it. You have got more than enough on your plate with your loss. You don’t need to go on Facebook, you don’t have to reply or respond to small minded people, specially if you don’t want to. It’s your Facebook account and your choice to respond or not. If others choose to take offence them let them. Let it be their problem, not yours. Wishing you some peace. Xx


Hi @Rachel50, I think the feelings you describe are a lot more common than you think. I don’t want to make the assumption (!) that you are referring to your recent loss, but your social media ‘presence’ can often be a stressful and worrying issue at these times.

The way you feel about sharing what are in many ways your most private feelings in such an impersonal way sounds perfectly normal to me, and many others. Lots of people choose to ‘switch off’ their Facebook. When my dad passed I did the same, and based on the experience of a couple of real-life bereaved friends, I don’t don’t regret it at all.

One of them did something I would recommend every active FB user do, in these circumstances, if they decide to lay off the social media: post something to say you’ve chosen to do so, that you’ll be around if people want to contact you in person, but that they shouldn’t be concerned if they notice you’ve stopped posting. In many ways it brought some true friends closer.

The other did the opposite, twice-daily updates on the virtual social space and very open about her feelings. She gained lots of positive support which – interestingly – didn’t get any less supportive over the weeks and months. By the time we finally caught up in person, she was growing tired of the responsibility (as it had become) of leaving regular updates – and they became far fewer over time – but mentioned it had been a godsend to have it as an outlet, more than anything, in the early days.

Different strokes for different folks! Neither is right or wrong, normal or strange. We are so lucky to have this community where we can share quite anonymously with folk who are so much more able to relate to how we feel. I hope it continues to offer you an outlet and a place to touch base with your own feelings, as well as those of others.

Take care

Online Community team


I found that sharing things on Facebook really helped me with my grief. I don’t have any children and only my mum to chat to on the phone. A lot of my family live in Australia and USA so it has been great keeping in touch with them and hearing all their news too. When my hubby died it felt good to have his photo up on my profile page and I also wrote a lovely poem not long after he died which I shared. It helps me to mention the anniversary days of his passing (he has been gone just over 2 years.) I get love, support and understanding from many friends and relatives.
I know it’s not for everyone but I have been finding it helps.

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Me too Countrygirl. I have never used my phone as much in life. Whenever I feel really lonely I turn to FB and spend hours commenting or just reading posts. I also use it to post my feelings on anniversaries birthdays etc…Everyone is different.

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