it didn’t publish half my post. so part 2 of families. So the money he owes is going up all the time . He has sent me nasty texts, one being the day after my partners funeral as I was left on my own all day and night while they went to the pub. From breakfast time to gone midnight. That was because I had text him to say if he could be out all day and night and none of them have the decency to see if I was ok, then he could afford to pay me some money back. His text was full of really bad language and I needed to change my attitude. I have had 2 or 3 from him while he’s been back home. All full of bad language. Also had 2 or 3 from my eldest son before he sent me his last text, which were all full of bad language and paranoia, except strangely his last one. when I sent a text to my youngest son complaining about family he said I was slagging all the family off so if there was no one there for me it was my fault. That was why I was slagging them off as he says, because they weren’t there for me and I was only saying it as it was. So he blocked me for about 3 weeks and wouldn’t answer his phone. My sister I don’t bother with anymore as she drinks a bottle of neat whisky a day and her daughter drinks 3 bottles of wine. My grandson, my eldest sons son was texting me to borrow £700 from me. He was desparate but said it was not for drugs. He is 23 and didn’t work and sponged from his mother who paid for everything for him til she got fed up with it, as the money left from her dad was dwindling. So he wanted to borrow from me who still works in a hospital kitchen at 67 years old and my partner worked until he was 72. His text said I don’t see what your problem is grandma if you have got it i’m not like my dad you know. I will pay you back within so long and I will do anything you want shopping or whatever. His dad borrowed £400 last Christmas and there is still £200 outstanding although he was supposed to pay it back just after Christmas. last year. If he didn’t have a job I don’t see how he could have paid me back the amount he said in the time he said. His mother said she wasn’t going to bail him out anymore although he told me she would pay some. He is his fathers son as the texts which went on and off over about 3 weeks started to get angry. I have had to struggle doing insurances for car and motorhome, which I don’t have a clue about and no one has offered to clean either of them. I am struggling trying to sell the motorhome but no one has helped with that either. So when I hear the f word (families) it fills me with anxiety and sadness and that word is used a lot on the tv and at this time of year. I hope they get treated in the same way when there turn comes around. I feel sad, lonely, anxious, tired, drained. Sickly in a morning when I wake up with nerves going round in my body. I have lost a lot of weight. I go to counselling but my next appointment for that is 7th January which is laughable as Christmas is the time when people are most vulnerable. She cancelled my last appointment also. I don’t have friends because Alan and I loved each others company and didn’t require any. So my days are long and boring with no one ringing no one texting and no one calling round. I would like to go to bed and never wake up again and am always disappointed when I do. If alan loves me why doesn’t he reach down and take me up there to be with him. That is my wish for Christmas as I don’t want years and years of living like this or even to be without him. I don’t want this sadness in my life with a family that don’t care. My counsellor suggested I go to my gp, but I am against medication masking my problem. You might as well take alcohol and there are enough of those in my family.
hi Daisy -janet
ive read your post and its a very sad read.not sure why families behave like this.you dont needed it,to me they all seem very selfish and out for them selves.wish I could say I had a solution that would work,as regards you oldest son sounds like hes a nasty person.and the grandson asking for a loan.sorry to say but id be telling him ask a bank or save up.im actually learning that some families are evil through and through.Jaynes mum brothers have been a nightmare and decided make my life as uneasy as they could.and yours are of no help either,i hope there are family members or friends able to support you.as a person whose got no get up and go and life as been devastated at the loss of my partner Jayne.if you lived local id happily clean your car and motorhome just for something to do.im sorry ive no real answers or help but really hope you find a solution
Thank you ian for your kindness and concern. It means a lot for someone to show they care. I have felt worse in these last couple of days than i have ever felt. Take care. X
your welcome Daisy -Janet.
i hope you find ways to cope and maybe your sons and grand son show you some love and respect,we can but hope.take care
Hi Daisy, have just read this post in the second ‘Families’. I’m sorry to say your family sounds like a total nightmare. I’ve had similar experience with my family as far as borrowing money. What is wrong with this generation don’t they know how to save for what they want. I have never asked for money no matter how hard up and I have known being without, but what we couldn’t afford we didn’t have, as simple as that.
My daughter seems to think I’m the Bank of Pat the last few years yet there is two of them capable of working and earning much more than I get. My son has also tried it on in the past and it caused arguments, no more for either of them…
I don’t know if they see you as an easy touch but I think it’s about time you had severe words with your family, what can you lose, they’re no good to you as they are, they are treating you with no respect and you don’t need or deserve this.
I’m sorry to say Daisy that sitting at home alone is not going to encourage callers of any sort. I learnt early on that I had to become accustomed and like my own company, and find things to occupy me. It was up to me, no one was going to do it for me. Fortunately I had interests with my husband and carried on with them. I do not expect phone calls or callers. I keep myself busy though and by doing this I meet plenty of people for chats in the course of a day. I also have dogs that are a real pleasure with their loving company and get’s me out walking and meeting people every day I agree medication is not the answer it will cure nothing and not make you happy again. So sort your family out get yourself out and find an interest. Plenty of voluntary work around, I have been offered this so many times but I am busy enough. I know it’s hard but the effort will be worth it. The very best of luck, my thoughts are with you.
I have told my son who lives with me that it isn’t working out and to find somewhere else to live. Hes not there when i need him most. Arranged to take me shopping on monday before christmas but it didn’t happen so i bussed it there and back and my bags were rather heavy. I have lost a lot of weight so feel rather weak these days. Down from a 16 to a 12. My alan would never let me struggle like my sons do. I felt tearful and alone. I finish work at 8.30 at night at weekend after doing a nine and a half hour shift and he wasn’t there to pick me up, so waited for a bus in the cold. Thats gratitude for putting a roof over his head and lending him money. Alan and i had interests. On the four days i didn’t work we would be up and out somewhere. We liked antiques and collectables and had cabinetd in antique centres in3 different areas but not able to carry that on because i don’t drive. We also have a motorhome which i have been trying to sell as that’s costing me storage. I have always been quiet and reserved due to things from my childhood. I have never liked being the centre of attention. All i really want is someone to be there for me. A friend in person now and again and someone to rely on to talk to when i’m feeling low, which is quite a lot these days. I had someone from this forum who helped me a lot initially but she doesn’t have the same time she used to have for me, so i feel very stressed and anxious at this moment in time. I just feel like when i try i get knocked back down again. Thank you anyway for your kind words. X
Hi, sorry I didn’t know you had a job. What a pity you can’t drive and able to carry on with your interests and a motorhome would be a wonderful escape, I have thought about this myself. Have you thought about learning to drive.
It sounds as if your son’s are aware that you are quiet and reserved and see this as weakness. Get them to visit you together and have a strong word with them. They need to be giving you more support.
Hi, yes my job is very strenuous. Many a younger person can’t cope, but what would I have without it. At least I am out of the house for 3 days a week. I passed my driving test when I was in my forties but I didn’t drive for very long before I gave it up and only actually once on my own. Most people I know give up or cut down on their driving when they reach my age, and these are people who have driven for years so I’m not about to start again. As for my sons that will never happen. My oldest one sent me his last text and has drug and drink issues. He hasn’t been there for us for many years now, letting us down often. My 2nd son has drink issues and probably drugs also. I gave him a roof over his head last February but he just depresses me with his ways and now my youngest son turned round and said to me on new years eve that he never saw his dad cry or show emotion. He never told him he loved him. We weren’t there when his son was born and we never had family get togethers. I told him just because he didn’t say he loved you doesn’t mean he didn’t. He showed how much he loved us by all what he did for us. We are of a different generation. Me and Alan never said it a lot but we knew that we did. We were on holiday when his 12 year old son was born in September and when I had my eldest son no one visited me. The reason we didn’t have family get togethers was because Alans family didn’t get on and my family didn’t get on so were reluctant to bring both families together for that reason. We have been to Alans family a couple of times at Christmas when it has kicked off badly. Too much drink starts it off and many hurtful things said. So my youngest son is blaming me for the rubbish Christmas and new year we had because my 2nd son had fallen out with me over taking me shopping on the Monday before Christmas. I struggled with it on my own on the Tuesday on the bus. Christmas morning I asked my 2nd son if he was opening his presents I got him and he said no. When I asked why he said I don’t want them so I took the money back and the other 2 presents are still there unwrapped. As is a Christmas card from my grandson to his uncle, because he wanted to get his uncle a card. So he took me to my youngest sons for Christmas then disappeared until later on at night. So Christmas was ruined as was new years eve. Just to say he was the one mithering about taking me food shopping a couple of weeks before so I told him when would be best, then said he couldn’t do it on the night before. He says he’s done plenty for me which is a lie. I struggled to get my few decorations out of attic. I struggle with my shopping and only have a small co-op where I live which is expensive. Very occasionally he will wash the pots or empty the bins. I have 2 vehicles for cleaning. The thing he has done most for me is take me to work and pick me up from work but not always and not recently. Well I will use the bus from now on or else he will go on about wear and tear on his van or fuel costs. Although its only a 10 minute drive away, if that and he’s normally going that way anyway. I have now told him anyway if he wants to carry on living there I want £25 a week from him to get his debt down. If he can buy wine every night and cigarettes well he should get his priorities right. When he came back to live there he said he would be straight in a couple of moths and that was last February and has not got any straighter. Sorry about the rant. I could go on but I won’t. Thanks for listening though. X
Have to say, your sons sound like a pain you could do without, The happiness we feel when they get what they want and their fleeting gratitude is not working, is it, maybe if you put yourself first and let them get on with it? Instead of bailing them out, get a taxi home from work, it sounds as if you need it after your day, get a taxi back from the shops, just make your own meals, take care of yourself, tell them they are old enough to do the same. Yes it is lonely, but lonely and upset all of the time is worse, sometimes, taking care of yourself and feeling stronger can make it easier to deal with things in a more positive way and if people see that, it can make a difference to their attitude. Best of Luck
hi Daisy -Janet
to lose your partner is terrible and a nightmare,but all the issues with your sons is adding to the fire,sounds like a living nightmare from hell.i stayed with my mum 2 months before getting the place im in I gave her 60 pounds a week and brought my own food.not sure your son realises it would cost way more have is own place he needs to get in the real world .sorry but im finding it hard to understand what goes through your sons head.and the other one well I cannot grasp why families cannot just be their for each other.the sons need there heads banging together to waken them to how unreasonable they have behaved.again very sorry that your having to go through all this shyte in your life.please excuse my French.
I honestly dont know were your getting the strength from to cope with all this crap going on.your sons are to say the least very selfish.sorry for getting on my soap box and sorry if ive offended you in any way its just so damn frustrating reading how they have treated you,
I hope some thing happens that makes your life easier than it is at present.
Hi Daisy. I would say you need to get away from needing these son’s of yours. Don’t rely on them. Why not drive again book yourself a refresher course and don’t bother with them. I bet they will soon come running when they don’t hear from their long suffering Mum. Make a life for yourself, no matter how hard, let them see that you don’t need or want them around unless they know how to treat you with respect. As Ian so rightly says you don’t need this shyte so start making that new life for yourself.