Family Celebrations

Quite some time since I posted but lying awake worrying. On Sunday it will be two years since my beloved husband of 53 years passed away very suddenly. My granddaughter is getting married on 10th July and I have been worrying so much about both things. I don:t know how I will cope. Tonight my son dropped a huge bombshell. My husband and I had been great friends with a couple for many, many years and they shared in our joy when our granddaughter was born. They were part of our family life up until I lost David. I never received a card or any telephone call from her and only saw her three times in the nine months after my hubby’s death. There was no recognition of his birthday, our anniversary or indeed the anniversary of David’s death. I cut myself off from her completely as I felt so let down. Now my son says my granddaughter has invited them to her wedding meal as they both have been so good and kind to her all her life. They are both delighted to accept the invitation, late as it was. There was a cancellation. I cannot explain what I feel but on top of everything else I am a wreck. How do I deal with this? can I deal with this? Am I making myself ill with worry over nothing? The thought of even going to the wedding without David, has had me in a tail spin but this added worry is crippling me tonight. I am sorry if I sound pathetic but I have fought hard every day to live as best I could without David, now this!!!

Dear Hainey,

You don’t sound pathetic at all and it is good that you have come back to this site to express how you feel. I have seen many posts on here from people who worried about how to get through anniversaries and other special days. Everyone somehow finds their owm way of dealing with. It sounds like you have a loving family so hopefully they will support you tomorrow and help you to get through the day.

Your granddaughter must be so happy that she can get married and is able to invite people to celebrate this special day with her. I am sure that you have a special place in her heart and that you being there will mean a lot to her. Yes, I can understand it won’t be easy for you because you will miss your husband who would have been at your side. Your granddaughter no doubt will miss him too, but I am sure that afterwards you will be pleased thatnyou have made the effort to be there for her.

With regards to your old friends: again, I have read many posts on here from people who have been diappointed by the lack of communication from those they had considered good friends. Sometimes, this can be down to misunderstanding. After my parents had both died, I went through a periode where I felt quite low and did not make much effort to contact a good friend. She interpreted that as me no longer wanting to be friends, and cut me off. Some time later, I was able to explain to her how I had felt, she apologised, and we continued being really good friends. Your friends may have found it hard to know what to say, or may have felt that it would be too painful for you to meet up with the two of them on your own. I think it is good that your son has told you they are coming, because that at leasst give you time to think about what you would like to say, rather than ariving there not nowing they would be there. Does your son know that you have cut yourself off from these friends? If not, I would suggest that you tell him and ask him to also explain the situation to your granddaughter so that when she plans the table settings she does not put you on the same table as them. You never know, it may be a new start for the friendship, if that is what you would want.

Jo

Hi there hainey
Your not being pathetic but everything can seem like a major problem when you are grieving. Your family will consider that after two years you are probably accustomed to not having your husband by your side but we all know that isn’t the case.
It is your granddaughter and you should be there celebrating the day with her and you are much more important to her than the ‘friends’, The rest of your family will also expect you to celebrate with them so I would make that supreme effort and try to stop worrying. Get on those best clothes, get your hair done and I bet you will enjoy the day and be glad that you went.
Smile, chat and if those ‘friends’ that are worrying you approach who knows what will come of it. Don’t let them be a problem on such a special day.
Jo64 has given you some excellent advice so let us know how you get on. But I can tell you that I have dreaded things and when I get through them I feel a sense of accomplishment.
Have a good day on the 10th.
xxx