I just had a first social invite since I lost my husband end of February … …it will of course be .keeping social distancing in a family garden party for a relative …my first reaction is no …I couldn’t imagine going without my husband …only ever done family do’s with my other half …I dont think I’m ready for this …I guess in some ways it’s been an advantage being in a forced lockdown as it hasn’t been an issue (socializing)…
Hi
Just wanted to say I know how you feel. I lost my husband suddenly in May 10th and I was invited to a family BBQ on Saturday past. I could not go , I cannot contemplate going without my husband when the rest of the family all have their other halves. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do it. I have my daughters but that’s not the same as my husband
Hi Jools…it helps when you hear someone else fells the same or similar …you are right others being with thier other halves will only heighten the sense of loss already felt …I’m the same having a daughter and sons but it is not the same as our other halves. I hope that one day we can all find a way to smile again …even if only for a while …thinking of you to at this difficult time …take care x
1 Like
Hi Bab
I know how you feel. i lost June 5 weeks ago. My daughter tried to help by agreeing for 3 of her firends to come round this afternoon to help sort the garden (I like gardens but hate gardening). when they turned up, lovely people, I just said to my daughter taht she had to look after them, got in the car and went for a b=very long drice. They dod a gppd job on the garden, but I couldn;'t talk to them
One of the things about social gatherings or any sort really for me is that sense that life will look as if it is carrying on as normal …when it really is such the opposite isn’t it Dave. It’s hard when we have spent most of our lives having that one speacial person alongside us like you with your wife June… I had been with my husband for 44 years…it is hard…take care…
I don’t see how it can be normal, an I don’t want my life to be normal again, feels like a betrayal of our 45 years together. When I do see people, they don’t know what to say, but in fairness, there is nothing anyone can say is there?
We have a large circle of friends, but none of them have had a partner pass away yet. Divorce and parents dying, but June is the first to go. I know I shouldn’t, but i stopped answering the phone, and only return very few calls, If I can’t be with her I don’t want to be with anyone
I hear what you say about not wanting life to be normal again…deep down we know it never will be anyway…you are right when you say people dont know what to say …for me the worst is when people say nothing at all…I want to talk about my husband …I want to always remember all of our times together …I want so much …but the one thing I really want is him back like you with your wife Dave …they say acceptance is the final part of the grief cycle but how can you accept something so final : do you ever get to that place they call acceptance
Why do I have to accept it. I know what’s happened, she’s gone and never coming back.
I see acceptance of losing somone as meaning " gone forever and never coming back " but even though I sat and watched my husband lose his battle to stay with us …I cant accept hes gone or that he is never coming back …so you see even though in my head I know this …in my heart I dont accept it .
1 Like
Sorry bab, I misunderstood, didn’t mean any offence. I think I agree with you, thanks again
That’s ok …I had a feeling you had misunderstood what I had been trying to say …you seemed angry…but I wasnt 100% sure so didnt want to put my foot in it ! …take care …be kind to yourself
You’re right, I’m angry - I have to remember that I’m angry at what happened, not with anyone else, take care
I get that …I get angry a lot of the time to …and yes it is really about the situation and unfairness of it all …at least we recognise that …take care