Feel alone and abandoned

Hi. I lost my dad suddenly in may, i have my mum to care for as she had a stroke in february and she has speech difficulty . Im an only child and just feel totally alone. Im happily married and have a daughter who have both been great supports but i just feel abandoned. With my mums disabilities, its been left to me to wrap up all my dads affairs, plan the funeral and care for my mum. I mean dad was no florence nightingale but he was home if she fell ill or something was wrong, he could use a phone but now he has gone and im affraid to leave her alone so ive been taking turns with my girl to stay over. Im truly exhausted and running 2 households. We are having her come live with us but it means us both selling up and finding somewhere suitable for all our needs, especially mum. Its proving hsrder than i thought and i feel like the world is on my shoulders. I miss my dad so much, he took care of finances bills and would have some advice should i need it. I adore my mum and want her to have a good quality of life around her family and my dad would want me to step up but im struggling and im feelung like u cant cope also thst im letting my mum down. Sorry to go on, just needed to air feelings.

1 Like

Hi Nikki, so sorry to hear about your dad. I don’t think you’re letting anyone down. You’re doing an incredible job in extremely difficult circumstances, and your dad would be very proud of you. There are so many people who just “dump” their parents in a care home, yet here you are, and your daughter and husband, trying to plan your future around your mum, and for that you should be extremely proud of yourself for being such a good daughter.

1 Like

Hi abdullah. Thank you so much for that, i hope my dad would be proud. He was a poorly man, diabetic, had copd but was a trojan worked up to the day he died aged 70. I feel more sad that my mum is grieving and cant express it as she would pre-stroke. In a way, its like ive lost both as my mum isnt the same now. My hubby is brill but i think he is ready for me to be back at home full time, i understand why but im not abandoning mum when she needs me. Care home is out if the question and she doesnt want strangers coming in to care for her. I feel stuck between a rock and hardplace,

1 Like

Hi Nikki, your dad would certainly be proud. And it is so sad your mum cannot grieve properly because of her health.

Selling one house is really stressful. You are selling two, and then buying another that will suit your mum. This is overwhelming at the best of times, you are having to do this with your dad recently deceased and your mum very sick. I would probably have a breakdown if I was doing this.

Yes, it seems like your husband has been great, agreeding to sell the houses and buy another one and have your mum with you. I can understand how he might be thinking that you should now be able to spend more time at home, but you’re correct, your mum still needs you and hopefully your husband will see that too.

All the best.

1 Like
Back to top