5 weeks today I lost my mum, and today I feel really angry wound up like I could just hit someone or something and for no reason…
I’ve been out to see my dad and sister but siting there in silence was making me more and more wound up…
I’m shaking inside not visibly and it’s frustrating me. I’ve brought myself home alone where I can try to just make sense of it all…
My dad says he hates Thursday and I get that but I hate everyday since that day not just Thursdays.
Just feel wound up 
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Have you tried letting it out with a massive sweary rant at an inanimate object - I am not joking! I have had some right rants at an unfortunate pillow.
Also, a few days after Mum died I picked up a ceramic elephant I had bought her which was meant to bring good health and from the day after getting it she was taken poorly with her mobility (more so than usual) and then died unexpectedly less than 8 weeks later. I took that mini elephant and smashed it against the garage wall screaming ’ fat lot of effing good you were!’
That’s the only thing I have actually broken - and wouldn’t break anything else as you might regret it later hence the really letter in out at a inanimate object or writing it all down in and then tearing it up helps.
I think it was about the same time frame I really got those rages too so just know its not unusual and natural.
Hoping you have a peaceful evening
Beki x
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So sorry to hear of your loss @Vickyb
The loss of your mum is just awful. I lost mine in March. It does become a loss that you get better at handling as time goes on but it’s never going to go away.
It’s difficult I’m not you and I know everyone walks their own path with grief. So I’m sharing what I learnt in the hope it’s helpful but it may not apply to you at all.
My mam was this huge central family figure. She was the middle sister so the sensible one. She ran the house and she was the voice of authority and reason. She was also opinionated and a bit hot headed at times. She loved and lived for her family. We were all her vocation in life.
She died suddenly with no warning. She’s left behind this huge void. When I first heard the news my initial reaction and thought was “she shouldn’t be allowed to do this”. I felt it irrational and unfair. In time I’ve had to face up to the fact I am angry - a bit - with her for dying. Was she not taking proper care of herself? Didn’t she realise how much we all depend and need her. What was I going to do without her. How would dad cope on his own when he was dependent on her.
Death will take those we love with no compassion and sometimes no warning. It isn’t fair. We cannot control or stop it. I had to come to terms that my mam no matter how much she was central to our lives and how important she was to us didn’t have the power to stop it either. And that’s not her fault.
Hope you find a way to move on.
Ryan.
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Ryan is spot on. Life isn’t fair and Death isn’t fair. It’s tough for sure. I lost my dad June 5th. I have been dealing with anger off and on, today it was rough. I totally get what you are going through. I spent many days yelling at the sky or a pic of my dad saying, “you promised me you weren’t going anywhere for a long time”! Silly I know…my dad wasn’t ready to die, but it was out of his control and mine. Just scream, cry, and let it all out. Anger is part of the process. Hope you find peace soon!
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Beki thank-you i wrote a letter saying everything I needed to say then ripped it up and it actually did help.
Thank-you for your words and advise
X
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Ryan
Your mum sounds exactly how my mum was the glue to the family the everything and my mum died suddenly to…
I’m having a better day today and just taking each day I feel like I’ve taken her role over now and helping my dad and sister but I also have to remember about myself too…
Take care x
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