Hi everyone, my first post here. I lost my Mum last year. She battled bowel cancer, had intense radiotherapy to get her watermelon sized tumour down to grapefruit size to then be removed. She had to have her pelvis broken to then get into her bowel and remove the tumour. She had a total hysterectomy and also had part of her bladder and bowel removed. She stayed in hospital for 4 months then was around 1 week away from coming up but got pneumonia and passed away. I coped very well until the last couple of months. But what’s troubling me the most is when she died my in laws never bothered to contact me at all. My amazing fiance went to tell his parents the night mum passed away and they didn’t bother getting in touch with me nor did they get in touch with him again. We never seen them until 3 weeks later. I have a genuinely great relationship with them and have been with my fiance for 15 years, since I was 16. So they’ve known me around half my life. How could they not check on me? I let this eat away at me everyday but the last 2 months I’ve found unbelievably difficult. I’m sorry to ramble so much, I can’t sleep and am very upset. If you made it this far thank you for reading and allowing me to babble.
Sometimes people just don’t know what to say, even people who have known you a long time, family. Maybe they didn’t want to intrude on you’re greif. Has you’re partner contacted them. Maybe they could and ask why, maybe if they received contact from him then it would let them know it’s OK for them to get back in touch that there needed for support.
My sister passed away in April, brain tumour, she was just 50 and it all happened quickly 14 weeks in total from diagnosis to death. People had no idea how to help, scared to say the wrong thing so said nothing.
Hi. Kaybee and Paula. Welcome to SR. We all know how you feel, so you can rest assured you are among friends. You are both in so much pain, and any commiserations or platitudes won’t help much. Yes, I agree with Paula, maybe it may be a good idea to ask why. I also agree that people find it hard to cope with grief. So many so called ‘friends’ drop away because of that. It may hurt them too to talk about it. I am not making excuses for them, because when in bereavement we need all the support we can get. You will get it here.
It’s an old saying but so true. Take it one day at a time or one hour at a time. Cry, shout, yell do what you like and release those emotions. Everyone copes in the only way they know how. There are no time limits or set rules. No one can tell you how unless they have experienced the pain and maybe give some advice.
Friends, real ones may well do that.
And Kaybee, you are NOT rambling. This site is all about talking and unloading. Emotions will come and should be allowed to. If possible never ‘bottle up’ emotions. It’s Nature’s way of helping with stress. Please come back and talk to us if you feel the need. We are all good listeners. Blessings and we are all with you.