I’m new to this and don’t really know what to say.
My Dad passed away on the 22nd of December 2019 from a Heart attack. I went round to his flat at about 20 to 11 and as soon as I walked in the smell of death hit me. I had my 3 year old daughter with me and even though I knew my Dad had gone I ran over to him and shook him, trying to find a pulse, but obviously there was nothing. He was in a mess and ice cold, my little girl just kept looking at him, I covered him up n called 999 then called my sisters, brother and then my partner to come get our little girl. It was such a shock, he was fine a few days earlier, we just couldn’t believe it. Because of it being Christmas and New Year and the fact he needed a post-mortem, by the time he got to our chosen funeral directors he was too far gone for us to be able to see him one last time, all I see is him how I found him and it’s just awful. The pain of losing him is horrendous n I do often wonder if I had gone the day before would I have been able to help him, the paramedic said it would have still been the same out come by the looks of things. I am struggling with coming to terms with everything and I also suffer with anxiety which has become much worse since. I am lucky enough to be very close to my family and we have all been trying to help each other. As the oldest I do feel I need to be strong for them, but at the minute I couldn’t be any further from that if I tried. Maybe talking to strangers will help, I don’t know.
Sending huge hugs to you, I had to be strong when I lost my Dad for my boys it’s one of the hardest things I ever had to do, you must allow yourself space too. You cannot be strong for everyone as this will cause you more stress and anxiety. It’s very early days, you will be going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Talking definitely helps xx
I’m sorry to read about your dad. Life can be so awful at times.
I’m on this site because I am struggling terribly with the sudden loss of my lovely mum last june from a massive brain hemorrhage. She was so apparently fit and healthy for 74 and in the blink of an eye age was gone.
However, 21 years ago when my dad was 53 he had a massive heart attack and died in bed. My mum had only gone to make him a cup of tea and when she got back he was gone.
We were so shocked but the PM informed us that there was nothing any of us could have done. He wouldn’t have even known about it.
Did your dad have a PM as well?
Both PMs on my mum and dad provided much needed answers.
Remember it’s still very early days and you will still be in shock.
Look after yourself, the coming weeks are very difficult.
Yes he had to have a PM as it was so unexpected and they also said the same, he wouldn’t have even known it had happened. The only thing they couldn’t determine was when it actually happened, they have just put it on paper that he passed away on the 22nd. We had his funeral last Tuesday, the 14th of January and it was so him, he was such a character and the chapel was full, which gave us great comfort, knowing he touched so many hearts, it was just perfect and I hope we did him proud. We are waiting for his ashes to come back, I didn’t realise it takes so long. I speak to my friend who lost her dad 3 years ago and we both said how guilty we feel for laughing, even eating at times. Someone came up to me a couple of days ago n said “how are you, you got over it it now” I said “you must be joking, I’m never gonna get over it”! It really upset me and I thought how naive of you to think just because the funeral has been you think everything is ok! Maybe I was just being irrational. I’m very sorry for your losses Sarrah and Cheryl, I never understood grief properly until now, the pain is beyond words. Thankyou for both of your messages, I wasn’t sure I would get any replies.
This site is brilliant. You will definitely get replies!
So many of us grieving. People say the most stupid, insensitive things. I spoke to my neighbour the other day. I told her how down I was feeling without mum in my life. She replied ‘still?’
I could have hit her. This is the reason I avoid them all.
I hsvent socialised since mum died and I’m not interested in doing so. I will never come to terms with her sudden death. I thought she would go on till she was 90.
I feel alone tonight, my partner is asleep snoring downstairs my two eldest sons are very self centred. x
I am very sorry that you had this awful experience, I do understand. Some people are so thoughtless in the things which they say to us, it is very difficult when we are feeling so wretched and pining for the one who we love. I found my husband of 59 years dead on our bedroom floor, it had only just happened, the shock takes some absorbing. This was last August exactly one week after my 80th birthday, it takes a long time to come to terms with as the lovely members of this group will testify.
I wish you peace of mind,
Sarrah I’m so sorry, I didn’t see your message until now. Night time is the worst and when the kids are being that way it’s harder, mine are the same, they don’t get it do they.
Oh MaryL I am so very sorry. It is An awful situation and yes the shock is so immense, at the moment I’m not sure I’m ever going to get over it! It’s all I see when I close my eyes, it’s awful! We had a Birthday Party for my dad and brother on the 13th December as it was Dads bday on the 7th and my brothers the 15th, we are so very glad we did that as it was the last time we were all together and then a week later he had gone forever!
Hi that’s ok… nope they do not, they do not even bother coming to see me either as their lives are too busy x
Hi Sarrah I also feel alone tonight I lost my wife 14thDec.Im sitting in the house all by myself breaking my heart it seems to be harder for me on a Sunday I seem to feel low and more empty on this day. I keep wanting her back but know I can’t I’m so sad at the moment with only myself to talk to and try and rationalise things that can’t be sorted I so miss her
Thank you for your reply, your condolences and your kindness,
I am sure you will miss your dad
I really believe that when our time comes, we shall meet our loved ones again and all shall be well
Do you have any pets at all or interests maybe. My dogs help me and bring me so much happiness x
I feel your pain :,(
I lost my mum on Xmas eve. It was extremely sudden and unexpected and like you I’m trying to be strong but it’s just impossible. I am so up and down and one minute I feel like I get through it then the next I’m locked in the toilet sobbing. My mum was only 64, healthy and really looking forward to Xmas with me, my sister and my dad. We’re trying to think of the positives to help get us through it. Mums death also had to go to the coroner and now we have to wait until May for an inquest. So many unanswered questions. My advice would be that if you feel you need to sit and cry, do it. You don’t need to be strong all the time. You have a supportive family and I guess you are all up and down - just like my family is at the moment. When I’m having a sad moment, my sister will comfort me and vice versa. Always remember the good times. Sorry for your loss and I am sending love to you and your family xxx
Sorry to read about losing your mum. And on xmas eve too. That’s horrendous.
I lost my beloved mum in june and I have not moved on at all.
She was so spritely and funny and we used to joke that she would outlive us all, then one day in june she had a sudden severe bleed on the brain and died. That’s it. One minute here, the next gone.
At just 74. We thought she would make at least 90.
The shock, the loss, the living without my go to person has been so traumatic.
I really feel for you
U never get over it you learn to live with it I lost my lovely wife 6 months went out. For 1st time on Saturday I did feel guilty but was good to get out take care
Hello all…I returned to work ýesterday after 5 months off with grief which absolutly floored me…losing my partner…i still feel like someone ripped my heart out /chopped it up and put it back in me…which has left me unemotional…just carry on each day like an empty box…staff at work asked if i was better…??..like I’d had flu…but i understand they feel awkward what to say…at the end of my shift i returned home…walked in and burst out crying, no brian here to hug me ask how my day went, make me a coffee…hit me all over again…his presence gone…My warmth/friendship goes out to all those in pain ,aching for their loved one…wouldn’t we all give up our everything just to gaze/chat/hold our loved one just for a minute…i would…xxx
I hope so. Thankyou.
Glad you got out for a while.
Hi my name it actually ron your welcome Take no notice of stupid comments take care of yourself xx
My mums oldest brother is called ron and always rings me to see how I am. He missed my mum so much.