Finding it hard to do anything
Today my sister in law came to see me she’s been a great support for a few months now
Her dad suffered with the exact same cancer that my husband had
So she can relate
We went out to the beach I didn’t really want to but I forced myself
It was very busy and loud I was very anxious but we found a quiet spot to talk
To be honest it was nice to get out
But when I came back and my sister in law went I started to feel guilty about been out and enjoying myself
I felt as though my husband was saying that I didn’t care about him
I know that what I’m saying is abit strange
I have had these guilt feelings for about 7months now all the time I nursed my husband
He coudnt go out he coudnt enjoy food
So I thought why should I it’s not fair on him
Dotty666,
I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your husband. Grief is bleak. Embrace those moments where you enjoy yourself or laugh. When they happen, please don’t feel guitly.
Take care
Dotty666 it’s ok not to feel ok . All these feelings you are experiencing are part of the grieving process .
As hard as it is try to focus on the good happy memories and feel privileged to have known your husband and that he chose you to be part of his life.
The fact that you nursed him shows how much you cared and loved him not everyone can do that it takes a special kind of person , and for that he will know just how much you loved him and I’m sure he will be eternally grateful and you should be proud of yourself .
Take care keep talking x x x
I’m doing a bit better tday but still having little waves
I have been getting alot of things sorted out with the help of my daughter
It really feels like my husband is saying to me come on stay strong you can do it
I am very gratefull and lucky to have met and married a beautiful soul like him
I looked after him through he’s awful journey with love
He was never a burden ever
He was proud of me also he’s family as far as I was concerned it was me paying back all the things he ever done for me through my long journey of mental illness
I have to stay strong for him he woudnt have wanted it any other way
Thank you again for your words of support
You have really helped me
Dotty666,
It’s very early days for you. Please make sure you look after yourself, as grief is very draining. My GP said to me to make sure I ate. I also found going to bed an hour earlier helped with disturbed sleep.
I hope you will find this place a comfort. I would have been lost without these forums.
Take care. x
It’s completely okay to feel this way, also your husband wouldn’t want you to stay at home feeling upset, he would want you to continue on with your life and be happy. He loved you and you loved him. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort in remembering all the happy times before he got ill xx
Hi Dean
I’m so sorry for your loss
You right my Ian never wanted me to be sad he spent 25 years trying to keep me happy and he did it very well
Thankyou for your words of comfort
I am so sorry for your loss, I lost my wife 4 months ago and have hardly been out, but lately I have started to go places again, where we used to go together, it was difficult and I felt anxious but people are very understanding and I just made sure I told my wife where I had been, who I met when I came back home, I make sure I talk to her everyday even though she is not physically here, she is in my heart and my thoughts always, please take care.
Hi Dotty
I know that feeling. I have found if I imagine I was the one who had died & was looking down on my wife ( Janet) wouldn’t I want to see her enjoying life and getting some happiness? Of course I would and I am sure that’s so for all our departed ones.
I won’t kid you I don’t feel guilty any more (& it’s nearly 4 years now) but I do feel that if she is watching she is saying “good for you” - & of course keeping me in order when that’s needed!
Keep doing a day at a time.
Wishing you well…
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I found so much strength in this group. Haven’t been in it for a long while after being here when my husband passed away after a debilitating illness of motor neurone disease. I initially felt guilty about so many pleasurable things too., as my life was all about his needs until his death. I felt so much pain for him suffering. With time you may accept the reality and he will be happy to see you happy.
Ive met with an old old friend and we will be marrying. This is something I never thought could even imagine. Take each step, acknowledge all feelings but try to keep positive too. You can still live as your husband now sleeps. Good luck
You right what you say if it was the other way round I woudnt want Ian to be sad
All the time we where together all he wanted to do was make me happy
Such a wonderful man I miss him so much
The place I am now in my head is so so painfull
I have never felt like this in my life
I have lost both my parents which don’t get me wrong it was awful and I miss them but the pain I feel now is so much worse
Thank you
