Feel like a bad mum after losing husband.

Looking to the future
1

I lost my husband 3 and a half years ago when our little boy was only 5. Everyone said children are resilient, which he is, but I feel like I’m failing as a parent. My little one is angry a lot, usually at me, but he never attributes this to the death of his daddy. I shout a lot and feel guilty for doing so. I feel cheated that I have to be mum and dad to him. Before my husband died I’d tell him off for wrong doing and say wait till your daddy gets home and then when daddy came home I’d defend him, even though daddy never really told him off, and give him cuddles. I want to just be that loving mum who he came to for cuddles like before but now I have to be the main disciplinarian too. Which bizarrely I was before anyway but it just feels different now. I have no-one to back me up and I feel I’m hard on him all the time. I screamed in the car today (I was alone) at my husband for leaving me too soon and now I can’t sleep as I feel guilty about that. I’ve spent the night looking for people on line who feel the way I do but no-one appears to. That’s why when I saw this site - I didn’t even know Sue Ryder was to do with bereavement - I felt I just had to get off my chest how I was feeling!

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I’m sorry for your loss Michelle I cannot begin to understand how hard it must be to loose a partner.

All I can say is after I lost my Mum 3 years ago I became a shouty Mum and I have become very angry. Why my Mum. 3 years later still I shout I loose my temper very quick and very easy.

I started bereavement councelling and I’m hoping I’ll get threw this anger phase because I do not like it.

I cannot imagine how hard it is for you bringing up your son on ur own. Be kind to urself because I’m sure u r doing an amazing job.

Big hugs and lots of love to u and ur family

Anna

3

Hi Michelle,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and how you’re struggling to parent your little boy alone. It must be incredibly tough to do this on top of dealing with your own grief, and I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself. It’s understandable that he has been affected by losing his daddy and this is not your fault.

It sounds as though you could both do with some support to help with this situation. Here are some suggestions you could try:

  • Winston’s Wish is a charity that supports bereaved children and provides resources and advice for parents and adults on supporting bereaved children.
  • We have some information on our website about supporting a child with bereavement
  • You could speak to your son’s school to make sure they are aware of the situation and see if they can offer any additional support.
  • You don’t mention how your husband died, but if he had any care from a hospice, they will normally be able to provide some bereavement support for families and children (all the Sue Ryder hospices do this).
  • Gingerbread is a charity that provides information and advice for single parents, including those who have lost their partners.

I’m glad that you’ve found this site, and I hope it has helped a little to get things off your chest here. As well as getting replies to this conversation you have started, you can also read and reply to conversations started by others. For example, I have found some that I thought you might be interested in:

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about the Online Community, just ask me.

Priscilla
Community Manager