Feel like I'm going mad

Hi
I lost my dad back in April and it was soo hard,I complained to hospital twice since regarding the care that was received and also regarding the day he died as I was lied to about the time he died. I have received the final response to my complaint from the hospital a couple of weeks ago and am unhappy still with it as I feel they covered a lot of things up. Since dad’s death and the final response from the hospital I get soo up set and feel like my heads racing with my dad,the hospital,the complaint,I feel overwhelmed and unsure what to do,it’s exhausting and upsetting and makes me angry and then i get soo upset with myself,not sure how to deal with it all.

Hello, it is so sad to read about your dad and how he wasn’t treated well. The same happened to me, but I still haven’t complained because I don’t think I could mentally take it if they did what they have done to you.

A kind lady called @Jobar very sadly lost her husband, and complained, and it took a lot of work to finally get the hospital to admit what went wrong. Maybe she would have some advice for you as to what your options are.

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Hello Tree1,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, and the problems you have been going through recently. It sounds as though things are very tough for you at the moment and as you say, you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

Take care,
Audrey
Online Community team

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Hi Tree,
I am so sorry about your dad and understand why you need answers from the hospital.
The shock of losing my husband suddenly and completely unexpectedly nine months ago has left me unrecognisable from the person I used to be.
What damaged me as well was the attitude of the hospital where my husband was taken after he had collapsed while out with our younger son. The callousness with which he was treated is impossible to believe and the potentially dangerous (for my sons) misdiagnosis of his cause of death is what spurred me on to complain.
Without my two sons support and equal determination to get answers I would never have continued with my quest for answers and recognition of mistakes made. I would urge you to ask a friend or family member to help you approach the people who can give you information about your father’s treatment.
I contacted the patient liaison service or PALS as it is usually known and every hospital will have one.
My husband died in November and it was only in July that we had a zoom meeting with four members of staff who finally accepted our concerns and offered an apology. I had also earlier received a final response in the form of a letter. Given that it did not address important issues we had raised we requested a face to face which because of Covid restrictions had to be on zoom. I do believe that seeing us and hearing first hand how we have been affected by the mistakes made meant that our complaint was humanised. I couldn’t let my husband be seen as just another anonymous statistic. He was the centre of our world and deserved better than the total lack of interest he was shown. I still would like a face to face with the person who was on duty that evening but that won’t happen.
The quest for answers in the NHS is an uphill struggle all the way and is exhausting. My GP was beyond useless in helping us understand how my husband could die so suddenly and had no intention of communicating with the hospital which was in a neighbouring health authority. Your GP may be more supportive so that might be your first port of call in pursuing your quest for answers.
To sum up, my advice is not to give up. It will take time and energy, which when you are grieving is in short supply. Ask for as many details as you can and keep writing until you

Get the answers you need.
I have also contacted my MP regarding the accuracy of death certificates and he is taking this up with the relevant powers that be.
I understand only too well the toll this takes physically and emotionally but so does the corrosive effect of injustice.
Hopefully you will find your answers. The most difficult thing to accept is that nothing will bring back our loved ones.
Take care

Thank you jobar for your reply. I feel like I cannot leave it and do have to take it further as my dad was somebody and I truly believe no human being should be treated how he was the day he died especially.

thank you for your reply and I’ve started to write my complaint to the ombudsman. I’m just finding it all soo hard and mentally draining.

thank you for your reply and yes it is very mentally draining and the responses make everything soo much harder.

It is so mentally draining. It is the last thing we need. I really hope you’re able to get some result like Jobar did.