Feel nothing

My father died 3weeks ago . I feel nothing and have not cried. All I feel is hate for my abusive controlling mother who put him in the home that barred us from seeing him for the last 18months because of covid. I am sure this is not the way I should feel.

Oh @Kathryn37, I am so, so sorry. You have been through a horrendous time, separated from your father in this way, and then to lose him like this. Your anger is understandable. Maybe seek some counselling- Sue Ruder, your GP or The Grief Trust could help. Talking about how you feel could help you release and deal with the feelings you have, so you can properly grieve your dad. Take care, people on here are with you.

I have some understanding of how you feel Kathryn37, I was the same when my father died. He was abusive though, not my mother. I felt that I should grieve for the loss of my father but I couldn’t, I was just glad that I didn’t have to see him anymore.
Don’t be afraid of the anger you feel towards your mother and the covid situation, anger, I’m told is a natural part of grief.
When you can, seek some help from a counsellor or continue to write here, I’ve found everyone here to be very kind and helpful.

Thank you, I am hoping that the funeral next week will help, so I can say goodbye. My mother insists that my brother goes on his holiday before we can have the funeral!

I have always found the time between a loved one passing and their funeral to be a “lost in no man’s land” kind of time. I hope the funeral helps you.
Have you thought that you could write a letter to your dad telling him all that you couldn’t while you were excluded from his company? Maybe you could ask the funeral director to give it to your dad if you are unable to.
I have done similar things and it gave me some comfort.
My thoughts are with you. x