Feel really bereft

Losing a parent
#1

I lost my Mum a few days.befor Christmas 2016, Dad was suffering with dementia for years before, and then suddenly lost Dad in October. I think I didn’t have time to grieve Mum properly, as had to help care for Dad, who sadly declined loads after Mum died.
Now I feel so sad and empty, and bereft, it’s really hit me over Christmas that where I came from has all gone…I miss my Mum and Dad desperately and really feel so sad I’m an orphan at 42.

I have lots to look forward too, moving house and getting married, but I feel empty, dedicated and very anxious…

#2

Hi
I understand how losing both parents feels,though it was many years ago for me,i was 29yr and 34yr at the time,i am now 56 and miss them as i ever did.I did feel like that at the start,like you say where i came from had gone,but as the time changes your grief,to something more accepting,i realised they had never left me,they still influenced decisions in my life,i had learnt from them,they were still very much a part of me and always will be.I hope you find a peace from your pain eventually as the months pass,and that you gain a strength to carry on for those good things you are looking forward to xx

#3

Thank you Robina xxxx

#4

Your story is very similar to mine. I lost my mam six years ago and dad just before Christmas. I went straight into caring for dad after mam’s death and don’t think I’ve truly grieved for her either. I’m an orphan at 49 and it’s awful - raw and painful. I feel lost and empty. I’ve cried for three days this week to the point my eyes are sore.
All I know is we will come through this. The grief won’t heal but it will become bearable. It’s just being kind to ourselves until that happens.

#5

Hi

I lost my Mum over two years ago when I was 55 and my Dad when I was 32. That sudden realisation that you are now an orphan is dreadful. Very frightening, especially when you have been caring for someone I think.

Robina is quite right, our parents are with us always and influencing our movements. They made us so we will always carry them inside us.

Yorkgal76, I moved house after losing my Mum as lived with cared for her. It was very daunting and clearing the house a nightmare. I left the house finally just over a year after the loss of Mum. It was the best thing I could have done. Everyone thought I was mad as I left my home area completely. It has been strange and some days I am still a little wobbly. But, I have been able to find a form of acceptance now of my loss. I couldn’t have done that staying in the family home or in my home town as I could never have moved on properly.

I hope you keep coming back here if you need help or advice and I wish you lots of happiness with your new life and marriage. Exciting times for you which your parents will be watching somewhere and cheering you on.

Mel

#6

Hi all, I totally get it. I feel completely and utterly alone as the majority of my friends have both their parents. I lost my mum 6 years ago and suddenly lost my dad last August. It’s hitting me more now since new year. I just can’t get my head around that they have both been taken away from me at such young ages (both under 70) and myself 46 yrs old. How do we cope?

#7

Hi Yorkgal76 and All.

Can I join this unwanted club? I lost my dad in 2017 then was thrown into caring for my mum and lost her in 2018. I was early 40’s too.

I didn’t get the chance to grieve my dad, despite very much being a daddy’s girl. I feel like my foundations were ripped away from me and now life is very different.

I love Robina’s perspective. I already understand thst everything I do is because my mum and dad made me who I am and therefore I still very much feel they are with me. Even if only literally in my DNA, they live on through me.

We will all get through this! Even if for no other reason than our parents would want us to. So glad there are others out there that understand though.

Ann xxx

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