Feel so guilty

I lost my lovely husband 16 weeks ago suddenly at the age of 53. I went to work on the Saturday, went shopping on the Sunday and missed the phone call from my son to say that my husband had collapsed. Time I got home my husband had died, I tried CPR as still no ambulance, they turned up shortly afterwards and spent 45 minutes on my husband. My husband died of a massive rear blood clot and had stage 4 kidney cancer which was in both kidneys. My husband did not know this as was due a CT scan that afternoon.
20 months previously he had a nasty fall and fell 3 metres and smashed his elbow and was in a lot of discomfort. I noticed a few months before he was sleeping more and had back pain, but he had suffered years from back pain and always had a nap. I never notice the weight loss which I only notice by looking at our 25th anniversary holiday photos. I eventually made him a doctor appointment but it was far too late. My husband put his pain and weight loss down to his fall. I feel so guilty that I didn’t notice that he had lost weight. He died a week before Christmas and I had wrapped up all of his Christmas presents and he hadn’t wrapped mine which I found later in the back room with a beautiful card. I miss my husband so much and wish I could have saved him. I feel like I have a new life which I hate and want my old life back. It’s not fair and so cruel. I never got closure or a chance to say I love you. One month I will organising our 25th anniversary party then a couple months later his funeral. Just hate life :cry:

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“I feel like I have a new life which i hate and want my old life back” I can so relate to this :broken_heart: i am so very sorry for your loss. :heart::broken_heart:

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Thank you I’m grainne 1974 it is so horrible and unfair. Hate life so much. Wonder what the propose of us being here and why our love ones had to lose their lives. Especially the younger ones who had so much to live for and you have really nasty people walking around. My husband was 53 and was working to the day before. He will never get to retire or see my son get married or be a grandparent. I still can’t believe that I will never see my handsome husband again. We could of had another 25/30 years together. So cruel!

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I lost my husband in December 2022 as well. Try to focus on each day as it comes - some are good, some are bad. The first year of all the firsts will be the hardest . It was my wedding anniversary yesterday and I cried most of the day. Today I feel a lot better - ups and downs are my life now.Look after yourself :heart:

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I agree @Jenny6. I’m so sorry for your loss, @Hazel.1966. What a very sad story. It’s such a massive shock when they go so suddenly like that. My husband went very suddenly and unexpectedly and hadn’t even been ill. As @Jenny6 says, the ‘firsts’ are always very painful and there are so many of them! Not just birthdays, Christmas etc but lots of little firsts too. Some you can prepare for but some will ambush you. I didn’t think New Years Eve or Easter would bother me but I’ve been a wreck this weekend. You must just take each hour at a time and deal with now rather than look too far into the future. Love and strength to you all. Jean xx.

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I am so sorry. Sending love. X

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Hi @Jenny6 and @Jean8 thank you for your replies. I am really struggling with the thought that I was never going to see my husband again. I am feeling so guilty which keeps going around in a cycle. Every day seems to be getting harder as no closure and no answers. Like I said in my post I am struggling that my husband lost his life at 53. Take care both of you xx

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It is very hard to loose a partner, especially so young . I feel it is so unfair and find it hard to move on from that. We have missed out on retirement and grandchildren and so many things. I look at other couples and almost feel jealous!
Try to get out for walks and find something you enjoy such a yoga or gardening just to take your mind off things for a while (if possible). It is so hard but remember you are not alone.

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No one can foresee, you have done nothing wrong. People lose or put on weight all the time. I lost my darling man two weeks before Christmas 2021 - the first Christmas i was in shock, going through the motions, the second Christmas heartbroken as reality set in. I have days i can barely function due to depression etc all normal i think. You had no idea , i had no idea my darling had a ticking time bomb in his brain, it took a broken hip that he was diagnosed with a rare brain issue, 16 weeks later gone. I have gone through what ifs , anger, sadness, wanting to die myself. I am slowly understanding all normal. J xx

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@Hazel.1966 im so sorry for your loss, so sudden and unexpected, and so young too. Similar situation to my Bri, who collapsed while out on a walk. Those early days are so tough, so raw and so much still in shock.
Life is cruel, for our husbands to be gone so young, they both had many many years ahead of them. They and us have been robbed of our futures together and its so not fair. Sending you love xx

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Thank you @Skip yes it is so unfair and cruel. I’m sorry what has happened to you as well as knowing how you are feeling. My husband was my soulmate and never thought in my wildest dreams that this would happen. I think back to the times I was mean to John and never told him I love him very much as thought we had years together. The best years were to come and now nothing as feel so lonely without him. The house is so quiet now. Feel jealous when I see other couples out and about and hates adverts advertising holidays as we had planned two holidays this year. Just so unfair
Take care skip xx

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@Jan51 thank you for your reply and your kind words. Yes such a shock and unexpected. I wish I could have saved him! Not fair at all. Miss John so much and hate my new life but need to go on for my son who is 22 years old. He misses his dad so much.
Big hugs hazel x

@Jenny6 i know how you feel so very unfair that men were taken so young and will miss out so much and that we have this awful life of being without the love of our lives.
Big hugs xx

Life really is cruel at times… so sorry for your loss x

@Libragirl56 thank you…yes indeed life is cruel and so unfair. X

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Yes i hate seeing couples too, not necessarily loved up ones, just ones on a walk, or in the car or doing their shopping. And definitely holidays, we were due to go to Alicante in jan for my birthday, he passed in october 2022. Its just shit isnt it. Love to all xx

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