Feel so lost

I lost my husband 12 weeks ago & I feel like a teddy bear that’s had all the stuffing taken out. One minute I feel I’m coping ok & the next minute it hits me. We were together 40 years & during that time he battled Prostate Cancer, Bowel & Liver Cancer & lastly Bladder Cancer. He was my soulmate & we were always doing things together as a “team”


Hello, I am sad to read the problems your soulmate had to deal with but lost his fight. For you that lost is hard to come to terms with and at present it is still very early days. Please give yourself time and don’t expect things to be anything like normal. 40 years is a long time and he will always be with you learning to live with your new life. Be kind to yourself and please take care. S xxx

Thank you Susie. We were told in January that it was terminal & could be weeks/months, but nothing could have prepared me for the emptiness I feel now. The family have been very supportive, but at the end of the day I’m here on my own most of the time. I just don’t know how I’m going to get through this.

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You are stronger than you think and you will get through it, you will but it’s not easy. Give yourself time and later look for local groups of mainly women meeting up either for walking or cup of tea and a chat, again not easy making that first effort but worth while, there are many small groups called living with loss or being on your own, it may help. You will find extra strength. Keep believing in yourself. Big hugs and blessings being sent S xx

Hi @Moser

I know the pain you’re experiencing as I’ve recently been through the same.

I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your husband went through so much together and not just the bad times you’ve outlined.

What you’re feeling right now is normal. Somebody said to me recently that it’s testament to the true love you had that you feel so lost and disoriented.

You’ve lost your teammate, your love, your life partner, your sounding board and the person you loved to support.

What you’re feeling is the lack of somewhere to direct the love you feel for your husband.

I can’t tell you how or when you’ll get that first moment of clarity when you know you’ll be OK but it will come.

Have you spoken to your GP?

Grief is such a drain both physically and mentally and each affects the other.

Your GP can help in lots of ways.

If you’re in work, does your employer offer an employee assistance programme?

I found it really helpful speaking to a counsellor and saying things to them that I didn’t want to say to friends or family.

Keep posting here, it’s a very inclusive and supportive place to say whatever you’re feeling.

Wishing you well.

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Hi Jbravouk,

Thank you for your message, it means a lot to know that other people can be so kind at these most difficult times. We had a wonderful life together with so many happy memories, despite all the problems we had especially over the last year. His target was to make his son’s wedding (my stepson) last Friday & this was so hard to deal with. Our grandson who was the best man spoke so well about his Grampy, it broke my heart. I know that the whole family felt it, but also that he was looking down on us all, & would have been so proud.

I haven’t spoken to my GP yet, but it’s something I will do, or maybe have counselling.

Thanks once again for your kind words.

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