Feel so lost

Losing a partner
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I am new to this, I lost my partner 15 months ago so suddenly he had a cardiac arrest and was just gone , I found him and that stayed with me , Ive done the what if I had got to him sooner , what if he hadn’t gone upstairs , I’ve done them all . It’s so hard he was my rock he always knew what to say to make me feel better , now that he has gone I’m struggling , I am surrounded by family but feel so alone , being alone at home the silence is awful , when does it get easier.

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Dear Clare05,

That must have been such a traumatic experience for you, to lose your partner so suddenly and to be the one who found him. I see from your profile that you are only 48, so young and not an age where you expect to experience the sudden death of a partner. I cannot speak from experience, but judging by what I have read in the many posts from others on this site, the time it takes for life to get easier is different for each person. When my mum lost my dad, she really struggled, even though like you she had her family surrounding her. She was always telling me how lonely she felt and how much she missed him. She had always relied on him, so her confidence was gone and it took a long time for her to even want to leave her flat. We encouraged her to meet up with other women who had lost their partners, because we felt they would understand her situation. It took about a year before things became easier for her. (Sadly, not long after that, she had a fall and never recovered from complications after surgery,) I hope that as time goes on, you will find that living with your loss get easier for you too. xx Jo

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Thank you , none of my friends have gone through it , they all try to understand, reading some comments on here has made me realise I am not alone in how I feel , my mum lost my dad at a young age too so i try to talk it through with her also xx

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Hello, this is my first time posting too. I lost my husband of nearly 35 years in May this year. Totally unexpected and sudden. He was 58. The day before we had a lovely day taking our 2 1/2 year old granddaughter to a farm park and she was staying over with us… He woke in the early hours not feeling quite right, so went downstairs to wash his face and make a cup of tea. I suggested he take his alarm clock in case he fell back to sleep. I thought I heard him snoring downstairs at 4.30am and went back to sleep. His alarm went off at 5.00am for work but he didn’t switch if off. I went downstairs and found him in his computer chair. I think when I heard him snoring it was his last noisy last breath.
Why did I not go and check at 4.30? Would he have come back to bed if our granddaughter wasn’t asleep in the other room?
I can resonate with your circumstances. My husband was my rock. I am quiet and shy but felt with him I could do anything. I have two adult children but don’t want to burden them. The are suffering too and have their own lives to live.
I felt numb for several months but now it is all too real and I hate it.
Sending you hugs.

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I lost my husband 6 months ago. He was only 50. He went out for a run, collapsed and died. We still don’t know the cause. We went to find him but we were too late. My life was shattered. I don’t see any purpose now. We had so many plans - none of them have any meaning now. I just keep plodding on for the sake of my children. Take care and keep posting, people do understand.

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Hi Linda

My husband also died from cardiomyopathy and it was sudden. I asked all the same questions of myself. We had to have an autopsy so I asked the Coroner if it had made any difference if I had gone to see him when I heard the noise, and the answer was no. With heart failure it is instantaneous. I am not sure if that makes you feel any better, it helped me a little. I am 10 months in and dreading the anniversary, it has got a little easier, some days are better than others. Going through a pandemic at the same time as losing a loved one just tops it. Keep posting, take care and just take one day at a time x

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Hello
My partner was only 40, like you we had so many plans , now I feel just broken and its like I’m in this bubble looking at everyone else xx

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I know we can never take anything for granted but when they’re young and it’s sudden it just seems so wrong. I still can’t believe he’s not coming home. He worked hard but will never enjoy his pension and retirement- neither will I.

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Hi I lost my husband 6wks ago suddenly of a cardiac arrest. He was my best friend & I can’t deal with life without him. I have a 25yr old son & 19yr old daughter who I have to carry on living for. Life is so cruel & I feel like I’m in a nightmare.
I’m sorry to hear about your partner & I know exactly what your going through. I feel lost & feel there is no help. Always here if you need to talk . :broken_heart:

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Stay strong ladies…I also feel lost without my lovely wife we had so much going for us and then it’s all taken away, I cannot stop crying and thinking I just don’t want to be here anymore its been the worst 5 weeks of my life.
G

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My husband passed nearly 4 weeks ago I feel my life is over,grief is so physically painful I miss him so much If it wasn’t for my family don’t know what I would do, we were married 51yrs thought we had many more all our plans gone,just long dark lonely nights to look forward to heartbroken.Take care everyone

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Hi Gerry,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There are lots of other support options out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support, Gerry, so please do get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

Michelle

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Hi Linda22 your story is so, so similar to mine, Garry was on the sofa, he too made the snore’ & I turned to laugh as it was 3pm in the afternoon & thought he’d nodded, he was gone at 61. I did CPR but like you did the what ifs, had I tried my best, had I had my phone in my hand too long. I am 7 months alone, can’t move on as I still feel so shocked & numb. Reading on this site makes me feel I’m not going crazy or alone. Jill M x

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Hi Clare
I’m also 48 and lost my husband 11 weeks ago, he was 48 as well. It was sudden, we were in bed and he made a strange noise, thought it was a snore and when I nudged him he didn’t wake up, I called the ambulance but couldn’t get him off the bed to do cpr, he was a large man and our room is very small. I am still waiting for cause of death but am haunted by what ifs, if I’d been faster, stronger maybe I could have saved him. The paramedics came fairly fast about 1o minutes maybe 15 and they tried for an hour but he was gone. The only, and I mean only thing that keeps me up and going are my children, they are 14 and 17 and without them I would not be able to get out of bed each day. No one understands the heart wrenching pain that we feel unless they’ve traveled this path, but we are here for you. I have found such comfort in this place :heart:

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Hi Lillyboost

It’s been 16 months for me and it still feels like yesterday , the loneliness is un bearable, my children are grown up and have their own lives , we are in contact daily , it’s the nights that are the worst sitting alone with tv on , not watching anything it’s just background noise, i read quite a few posts on here and yes only people who have gone through the same as me seem to get how I’m feeling, when does it stop hurting, when can I be mr again , I dont know how to be me anymore xx

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Lost my husband of 51yrs end of September, after 4weeks in critical care following a long operation visited every day,only allowed an hour a day hated leaving him,kept getting our hopes until told nothing else to do,stayed with Steve till the end.I never could have imagined grief would be so painful it’s a physical pain in my heart.Its getting harder as time goes by mornings,if I have slept, are so depressing,another day without him,on top of all this heartbreak,oh I miss him so much,so lonely never been on my own before,at least on here we can put our thoughts into words,take care all you grieving people

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