My darling husband age 59 died 4 weeks ago lung brain cancer, we done everything together didn’t socialise much, he loved his football but mainly we went everywhere together.we have 3 wonderful children 4 grandchildren but my life seems so empty I completely broke down yesterday because everyone says he’s in no pain he’s happy but how can he be happy when he’s missing us. Sorry my mind so confused
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Hi jacatoni know what you mean my wife passed away just over 10 months ago people say that to me oh she’s at peace now yes she may well be but I / we are not after 44 years of always being together going everywhere together is painful they don’t realise what we going through as they have never experienced it stay calm and relaxed i know that may sound silly but it’s working for me
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Hi @Jacaton yes, I’ve had these exact thoughts. Is left behind is hard and my partner would be pissed that’s he’s gone and left us all. He loved his life and will miss us all as much as we miss him.
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Thank you so much God I miss him feel like I will never stop feeling like this
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@Jacaton Hi, my wife also passed away from lung cancer which in the end spread to her brain. For me that was almost 10 months ago. I can fully appreciate what you’re experiencing, at first I had no idea of what to do, how to process all of what had happened. It’s very rough and at times you will feel overwhelmed. But it does come and go, small periods at first then these expand into days, sometimes weeks of stability. Not better, but I find easier. I’ve found coming on here and talking about it has really helped. People who have not experienced loss in the way we have rarely understand how we are feeling, they try and say the right thing, their heart is often in the right place but they lack the experience. it was useful for me to just be honest with people, let them know what I needed, often they want to help but just don’t know how. Keep reaching out on here, there’s people from all walks and all experiences, they all try to help as they can.
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Thank you so much it’s like today I’m lonely which is normal but this feeling of never seeing him again is killing me. I look for signs everywhere talk to him talk to angels but get nothing, I just want him to know how much he was loved and how more we miss him but I also hope where ever he is he’s not missing us cos if there in a different place I honestly know he won’t be happy and was taken too soon. I know he had cancer and never suffered at the end but I looked after him for 2 years and we were just fine but within 2 weeks just went so downhill it’s hard to understand why
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I know I’m so confused cos he was taken so soon and didn’t know he was dying, we as a family kept that from him cos it would have distroyed him, but if there is a place people go to my Tony would not want to be there so this thought kills me every single minute
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Everything you’re saying, I’ve said. Trying to process death, where are they, what are they doing, are they ok, are they in as much pain as us. It’s endless torture. You will get to stage where you will let it go, because you realise it doesn’t help.
A lot of our recovery is us, there is no pill or magic wand that will take away the pain. We have to walk through the grief at some point to get to the other side. There is only us and how we deal with everything , I believe, that determines how we move forward. I face everything head on, that’s how I cope but that’s not for everyone. Some people do struggle for a very long times, years but they are on a different journey.all our journey are unique to us, we have different stories and different relationships. Grief however, has a common theme among us and we truly get how you feel.
I still have very dark days, and still cry most days, all be it brief, sometimes howling but that has got less but I’m me and I’m dealing with it my way.
Someone is always here to help x
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I too am trying to face things head on to get through this. Accepting any good news I get along the way. Today I have successfully managed to cook in my new air fryer. At the time my husband died we were going through hell trying to set up annuities which we subsequently cancelled. My financial advisor raised a complaint on our behalf’s as I was hardly in a mind set to do it. I heard today that I am receiving £500 compensation. Taking I am having to wait for probate to access my husband’s pension it will be very welcome. I take any positives as a sign he is looking over me. I cry most days but try to keep moving forward. The messages on this site help me see a future. Thank you all. Xx
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@Jacaton I fully understand about things getting rapidly worse at the end. My wife and I both knew it was a terminal diagnosis and they had tried various things to help extend her life, but in the end she ran out of options. On the Thursday she was out with friends, driving, laughing, trying to enjoy what she had left. On the Friday things started to get worse, her memory started failing, she would get confused reading things. It very quickly got increasingly desperate over the weekend, she was admitted to hospital early on Monday morning. She passed away the next day. The speed of it took my breath away, one of the last things I said before we left for the hospital was she still had time, we’d get her back on her feet. It just wasn’t to be. I struggled with my feelings over that last weekend for a long time. I still think about it often. It’s taken a long time but I’ve learned to start accepting how things unfolded. In the end I now know that I was with her at the end, she knew I was there, and she knew that I loved her. It’s all we can really do. Your husband, I’m sure, would have known you were there with him, he would have known your love was there too.
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My husband went rapidly downhill as well. On the Saturday my brother and some friends visited him in hospital. They reported back that whilst he was obviously Ill they had a good conversation and he was his normal self. I went to see him Sunday. He didn’t know I was there. He needed a lot of morphine to control the pain. Certainly wasn’t communicating. Tuesday morning he died. I wasn’t there. My last visit haunts me. I think I have had 1 day I didn’t cry.
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I know exactly what you mean … very similar with my husband too … suddenly went down hill … within days … my poor wonderful man !! And i did manage to tell him i loved him too … thank god !!! If there is one ? Not too sure anymore !! xx
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I know hate to believe life after death cos I know my Tony wouldn’t want to be with us. Just can’t believe I will never see him again 
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