Feeling alone with the way I'm thinking.

I’m now 6 months on since I lossed my wife the love of my life and still feel that my world as ended and can’t see any future. What really gets me upset is people even family can’t seem to understand that life means absolutely nothing to me now. and I even welcome the time my end comes. All everyone says is that you will change your mind in time because you are just grieving and you have a lot to live for but this makes me feel like I’m all alone in thinking this way. I know it sounds harsh to people who are desperately ill and just want to recover and live every moment they can and I myself would have been the same when my beloved was here but now she’s gone even though I’ve got family i just want to be with her again and life as no importance at all anymore. :two_hearts:

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Hi Bri, I really don’t think that you are alone in feeling this way. It really sounds like your wife lit up your world, losing her will naturally have supressed your enjoyment of day to day life. I lost my Mum at the end of January very suddenly, I’m in my twenties and my heart breaks multiple times each day whenever I think of her. I have siblings, a Dad, a boyfriend and friends but I have never felt so alone. In that respect, I totally understand how you are feeling and I feel it too. Life has lost its shine, and things that mattered before don’t feel important anymore. I know my Mum would hate me feeling like this, she would do anything to be here today - so it’s for her that I try my very best to see some good in each and everyday, even if it feels impossible right now.

Take care of yourself Bri.
Zoe

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I know it sounds irrational to some people and they cannot understand this feeling that we are left with … but unfortunately we find ourselves in this horrible position. I just feel like I am just stood in a queue waiting my turn and like YOU I welcome this time. :two_hearts:

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Zg215
So very sorry for the loss of your mum.Your grief is obvious and I know you will understand when I say please share your dad’s grief too. He will be feeling the devastating loss of a wife and may be hiding his deep loss to protect you. I never understood really just how devastated my own dad was when mum died. I was only in my twenties and my grief for my mum overwhelmed me so much that I never really understood how my dad must have felt in losing his partner of over 40 years. Virtual hugs to you and your family. Xx

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Hey Angiejo1 - thanks for your message. You have made such a brilliant point, I’ll ensure that I make an active effort to check in on my Dad more often. Grieving can be an insular experience and all consuming, it’s hard to consider how everyone else is feeling when you are so focused on just putting one foot in front of the other each day.

Do you have any advice for supporting my grieving Dad? Being a very traditional male he doesn’t openly bring sensitive subjects up, he has been working non-stop (he has his own business) to distract himself.

Thanks, Zoe

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Hi Zoe. Aw thank you for your reply. Just be there for your dad. Tell him you love him and just assure him that you are there to listen. Perhaps tell him about this site in case he ever wants to use it. It is very difficult when you are grieving yourself but the loss of a wife/husband is devastating as I am sure is the loss of your dear mum. I just never realised how deep my grief could be when I lost my husband. My children had their own lives and I just felt they did not realise how I was feeling as it was sometimes weeks before I heard from them. We are closer now after much talking and we can share our feelings much better. You sound a lovely caring person.xx

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I understand perfectly how you feel. Yesterday I was thinking if I got cancer or a brain tumour or something equally horrific it just would be a release for me. Family, would grieve but they would be “getting over it / moving on” soon, just what I can’t do, having lost my love of 42 years. They all sympathise & try their best to help but none of them are sitting typing these raw thoughts at 2.35 in the morning as they can’t sleep. None of them have been in bed for almost 2 days cos there’s nothing to get up for. I don’t have the strength to fight these feelings, I feel this way & cannot see anything positive, there is no future other than auto pilot & pretence. I know I am being selfish, but also honest

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It is so so sad that we have to suffer this torment and who knows what each day will bring … the only comfort I get is knowing I’m not alone in my feelings but even that makes me sad to think that other’s are having to endure the same as me. :two_hearts:

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There’s some lovely support in this thread, thank you for your kind words everyone.

I can see a few of you a really struggling at the moment and I just wanted to share some options for additional support outside of the community that you can reach out to anytime you’re struggling.

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions here at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

I hope these are helpful, do keep sharing here about how you’re feeling. We’re all here for you :yellow_heart:

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Thank you for sharing your experience and the lovely words of encouragement it really means a lot. :two_hearts:

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Thank you so much for your support it is much appreciated it is comforting to know someones there for us all at this sad time.

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Hello Bri
I am 20 months since losing my husband who was my reason for living. Now I’m simply waiting for my time which cannot come soon enough. Life is meaningless and miserable. You are certainly not alone. I wish all of us who feel like this could meet up and support each other . X

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Hi Barbara. I think there is a thread about arranging meet ups in different areas.I think it is called ‘Just an idea,’ I am going to join the NW group after lockdown. Hope this helps.

Thank you Angiejo. I will try to find it in my area of Oxfordshire xx*

Reading this thread with tears pouring down my face. I feel exactly the same. I have just turned 60 and all I can think of is having to live another 20 years alone without my husband. I wouldn’t dream of ending my life as I have a daughter and a dog but as was said before, it is an existence nothing more. I feel as though the coming years before I die are completely pointless. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to, nothing to get excited about and nothing to get up for. Such a waste but I won’t change, I’ll put on a front when I see my daughter or my friends but I can’t imagine ever being happy again.
I feel your pain, because I am in the same predicament as you all xx

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I understand your pain my fiancé was my only reason to keep going on I was suicidal before I met her she was the light of my life she has been dead 3 months and ny will to live is less than 0

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Hi. I can so understand your feelings. I lost my husband in January and I wake up every morning very early wondering what I have to wake up for !! My son is living back with me temporary but when he leaves I have no purpose !! Just had to celebrate my birthday and I went through the motions but I hate trying to show how I was coping when dying inside. I retired so now I’m free to do absolutely nothing no purpose no husband no desire !!! Even volunteering is difficult due to covid!!! I hope we both feel stronger with time.

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I too feel exactly the same . It is my husbands 68th birthday today . He passed away 19 months ago of a very aggressive melanoma . Still can’t come to terms with it . Like you I feel there is no future now without him . What am I going to do with myself ? I still play golf which we loved doing together but it doesn’t feel the same without him . The face that everyone sees isn’t the real me but I am trying to keep strong for my daughters sake . I sometimes see our very good friends but I am the odd one out they are couples and I am first in the group to lose my partner . It feels awkward and I am so jealous why did it happen to me ? We were married 47 years I was 18 he was 19 it is so crazy thinking about the next 20 years without him by my side . Life should be good now that we retired but instead here I am on my own . Sorry to whinge but today is such a difficult day and it brings everything back from when I lost my best friend and soulmate . On better days I think I am strong and can do this but although the bad days are getting fewer I still have tears almost every day when I think of him and how I miss him . I don’t want to get used to this new life but I know I have to for his sake this is what he would want behind he died he said he needed me to move on and find happiness again .

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