I don’t think I’ve ever felt so lonely as I do now . I always though I had so many friends and a really close friendship group but now I’ve lost the love of my life it’s like I don’t exist . It’s like they don’t want to see
How much pain I’m in , or they don’t know what to say.
I can relate to how you are feeling. I lost my husband in January and I we had a lovely group of friends, however since John passed away they have gradually stopped calling. I fear for a very lonely future even though I have children and grandchildren, ultimately we are on our own. Life at the moment is about existing and taking it a day at a time rather than looking too far ahead
I can’t remember how many times over the last four years I have thought to myself “with friends like that who needs enemies” they give you a few weeks then expect you to be over it. I had a neighbour cross the road to avoid walking past me. I am coming up my fourth anniversary since my darling husband went to work and didn’t come home and it still hurts, I still cry and I still miss him dreadfully. I have learned to exist and do it on my own, and I have distanced myself from two friends I have know for over 40 years, one of them said to me earlier in the year “I’m not being funny but I thought you would have been feeling better by now”, I don’t understand some people all you want is for someone to listen, give you a hug, understand for more than a couple of months and realise you are never going to be the person you were before this life changing thing happened to you. I hope coming on here helps, we all understand and we are travelling this dark lonely road alongside each other. Take care Marilyn x
Hi Joanne I can relate to what you are saying re friends I lost my John in October 2016 and the loneliness is awful after 55yrs married,l feel my friends give me a curtesy call my family have been great but no one can fill this void in my life take care Patricia
Hello everyone. I think that loneliness is my biggest problem. To go out and have to come back to an empty home is just about destroying me. I spend a lot of time just walking around town or sitting in the library trying to put off coming home. After being married for 66 years, it is the worst thing I have had to cope with. A lady from Cruse visited me yesterday but only to assess my needs. I now have to wait a further 6-10 weeks to start counselling even though I have already waited three months. They are very busy. I did feel a little better after chatting to her so am hoping it will help. I hope you all manage to get over Christmas without too many problems. Thank goodness when it’s all over. Best wishes. Eileen
The trouble is people expect one to get over it and we dont get it over as quickly as THEY would like. How can we get over things so quickly. I find if I mention my partners name jsut in conversation the look says it all oh no here we go many people are very unkind and I wonder how many TRUE friends any of us really have!!!
I think that the real problem is that no one has any idea of how those of us left behind really feel. If you have not experienced this all consuming grief you are unable to understand. I know that, in the past, I have been guilty of not offering the right support to those who felt as I do now. Please don’t give up on your friends or acquaintances… many of them will unfortunately one day be standing where we are.
Hi. I’m new here. I lost my partner 14 months ago. I’m finding it very difficult to move on without him. And I also find that most people just don’t know how to deal with others grief, and would like you to hurry up and get over it. If only it were that easy. It is a lonely process. If we can somehow give each other even the slightest bit of relief or comfort even though it can’t bring our loved ones back it will be such a blessing. One step in the right direction towards it being a little less lonely. Big hugs to us.
Hi Janine
Just wanted to endorse your comment…if we can all support each other somehow then the aloneness is more bearable. I hope that this Christmas will be as kind as possible to everyone using this site and to all those striving to find hope for the future. I keep thinking that there must be someway of joining up all the dots and creating some kind of support network/befriending system for society’s needs because if I could use what I have experienced to help someone else then ther might be some point in all the grief and soul searching. Hopeful Christmas to everyone out there.
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Yes I always think it would be nice to have a hotel or something for a sit down meal
not necessarily xmas -where where those bereaved could go and not be alone
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I most definately find hope to be the key word here. If there is hope, there can be healing. I know now I can never “get over” the one I lost. How can I get over losing such a big piece of myself (because that is what He was) and living my life now without it, without him? But, I can heal enough to get by (why would God still keep me here if not?), to continue to live in a way that my lost loved one would want me to. Until joining here the other day I didn’t realize how many others were really, truly devastated by their loss too. It does help to know I’m not alone in my feelings. I’m not alone. You are all here, He is here with me in spirit, and of course there is God and the Angels. Close your eyes and feel that love if you can. Giant hugs and love to Us. Janine.
Hello everyone. My husband died in July 2016 and I was sort of coping and keeping up with friends but suddenly on the 1st of December the whole jolly holly Christmas got to me and I’v fallen into a pit of sadness and loneliness I’ve never experienced before…I’ve declined invitations. ignored phone calls and want to sleep all day. My once balanced meals have deteriorated into cheese and biscuits or chocolate digestives. I go for days without washing my hair or showering and feel disgusted with myself. It’s like I’m punishing myself for something and it’s beginning to scare me, yet I can’t seem to climb out of this trough of despondency.I just hope it lifts after Christmas and my heart goes out to all of this community who are grieving.
Hello, Shirls. You really must get some help for this. I know it’s not easy but maybe you could visit your GP as a first step. I can truly understand why you are so desperate. I seem to be getting up later and later each day, with no inclination to wash and get dressed but at the moment I am just about coping. Do you have family close by? This Christmas has nearly driven me insane and I am heartily sick of it, especially as people seem to think I should join in the jollifications only six months after I lost my husband. I keep getting cards, and have left them in a pile on the sideboard, ready to throw them away. I will look out for your postings on here but please get yourself some help. Kind regards. Eileen
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Thanks Eileen. First let me say I’m sorry for your loss. I made the mistake of joining the family gathering last year and it was torture because my husband wasn’t there.Dob’t want to go through that again and I think they were quite relieved when I declined. I’ll see my doc in the new year if I still feel like this Thank you for understanding and I hope your Christmas is peaceful.
Oh Shirls, how I can identify with you and your grief. I retreat to my bed most of the day, clutching my dear husband’s teeshirt. I eat in bed and am unable to relate to other people. It’s 3 weeks since Paul left me and I don’t know how I’ll cope
I have read all the postings on this topic and can relate to it all. My husband died last June and, although there was a short period when I thought I was getting better, I am now more depressed than ever. True, my husband was 87 and we had been married for 66 years, and not many people can say that, but I feel as if I have been cut in two. It’s a long time to be with someone, and I don’t know how to carry on. I force myself to get out of bed in the morning and face another lonely day. Although I would never self-harm, I say a little prayer each night that my dodgy heart will stop whilst I am asleep so that I can join my husband. I have family but their support has waned and I am now having to sort myself out on my own. After waiting four months, I have my first meeting next week with a Counseller from Cruse, and I am hoping this will help. Otherwise I have no idea where I go from here. I feel so sorry for you all as I know what you are going through, and wish there was an answer. All we can do is to press on with doing our best to make a new life without our loved one. At the moment that doesn’t seem possible to me. Good night and God Bless. Eileen xx
Dear Virgo,
My heart goes out to you and everyone who is suffering. I can’t believe my husband has gone, it doesn’t seem real. I now feel so guilty about other people I have not given enough time to , in similar circumstances. I don’t think anyone can really understand. I am trying to do things but there doesn’t seem any point. All we can do is exist from day to day and gain strength from eachother, love, Tilly
Hi Tilly
I have just joined this group. My husband died in October 2017. He was only ill 3 wks then he died. A blood clot on the brain. It has been such a shock to me and my two daughters. I try to keep going but it is no easy. We were married 46 years I am lost without him
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
You must be devastated.
I haven’t managed to get up today, nothing seems worth doing.
I hope you can make some progress but I know the hole in your life will seem horrendous. All we can do is struggle on and literally, live a day at a time. It’s a trite phrase that I didn’t understand until now.
X T
Hi Tilly, Elaine & Shirls
The pain we are all feeling seems to be one we have to bear alone. Nothing anyone can say or do can take it away. This site is invaluable because without it we would have nowhere to express our thoughts and feelings which are overwhelming at times.
Family and friends want us to move on but don’t realise how devastated we are and the fact that we don’t want to move on without our husbands. Everything is a constant reminder but somehow it feels disrespectful to make changes after such a short while and daunting to do it alone. When is the right time to move the clothes, redecorate, change the furniture?
Thinking of you all and hoping we all feel a bit better emotionally in the coming week.
Yvonne