Feeling awful

I’ve posted many times on here, one minute I’m ok and looking ahead towards the future encouraging others that eventually they will feel better about their loss and the next the complete opposite. My head is so all over the place. Today for no particular reason I’ve managed to get very drunk. I’m surrounded by her photos, I miss her so much, I’m so lonely without her. I long for the past when she was well and we were happy. I’m really not sure if this pain is worth it. If she could read this she would be so disappointed in me but I can’t help it. I miss her more than words can say. I know that other people, her brothers, have lost her too but its not the same. I know I’m drunk but I’m not sure if I want to do this any more.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, we’ve all done it. Not long after my husband died I drank a bottle of wine in an evening, not usual some would say, but I don’t usually drink at all. Grief does that to you, you hope it will dull the pain if only for a few hours.
I recently read in a book, grief is a journey and we don’t leave our loved ones behind, we take them with us and learn to love them in a different way, until we are with them again. X

This is so difficult to explain even to people that I know will understand. I’ve never been what you might call a strong person but I can take control of my life if I need to but I’m not so sure that I want to any more. Lonleyness is a dreadful thing.

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Hi Peter,

I’m so sorry to hear about how difficult everything is for you today. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
  • If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. We have also recently launched a Grief Self-Help Service, which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, please visit selfhelp.sueryder.org.

You deserve care and support so please, Peter, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,


Thank you Susannah for your reply. I’ve seen my friend today so feeling a bit better about things. I’ve joined a local group that does short walks in the local area. Going to the first one tomorrow so will be meeting new people. I think I was just having an off day yesterday and feeling very sorry for myself. Better today although I’ll certainly keep all those phone numbers you gave me just in case and continue to ramble on here because there’s no doubt it helps. Thanks again for your concern.