I work in the public sector and sometimes get comments like “are you not married yet “ have you got a boyfriend ect ect - my whole body clamps up and shakes - I’m not sure if this is because I cannot say the words out load that my partner has passed away , it’s difficult to still imagine a whole life without him after 15 years by each others side , I am only 37 and not sure how to spend all the years left on this earth without feeling like this every single day , it’s so hard this greif is
I hate these kinds of comments.
I just drop it on them. “My man died earlier this year”. I know it may be easier for some to say than others. Especially with the overwhelming feelings you explain. But I do promise you. How embarrassed & uncomfortable the other person will visibly feel. Outshines any spiral you may be heading down. One day at a time. Take care
It is hard I don’t think I have been put into this position too much . When I had to tell people yes the tears started . But now I will say my late husband . Or if I feel the need just to shut them up I will call my self a widow . I still wearing my wedding band and I have his on a chain round my neck .
You clearly handle yourself with a lot more class lady good for you. I think only now in these conversations am I realising I have a lot of anger. It’s a familiar emotion that seen me through my teenage years. But once having my children I have put, or at least tried my best to put that part of me I. A box. Thank you. You honestly gave really just opened my eyes there
I will try this next time thank you , wish I could just shut myself away sometimes but I know that’s not the answer got to keep facing everyday❤️
It makes me feel like I’m going have a panic attack like I just stop breathing in that moment , I definitely need to work on a better strategy, greif has so many steps and never expected to be going through something like this it was a massive shock , just wish Ade was back and I know we all wish this
Trust me I want to bitch slap people . But my husband was the one that calmed me down so now I stop take a deep breath and think before I speak .
The other week I was out for a coffee with a work colleague first time I had seen her after I lost my husband . She compared what I was going through to her break up from her husband after she found him cheating …… I just stood and nodded this person is very much woe is me . I then told a friend from work and she was like did you put her straight …… no cos there is no point she lives in her little world .
On a Tuesday morning I go to the local History Club with some male friends, well they worry about me and give me a lift there and back. Anyway, yesterday this lady came up to me at the meeting and asked if I wanted to sit with the other ladies rather than being with the men. I said I would rather stay here as I’m not very good with other people at the moment. She then said “Oh, that’s fine. Which one is your husband?”. So here I am nearly 9 months after that dreadful day having to tell someone that no none of these gentlemen are my husband as he died in February and they just like looking after me. Obviously she was very apologetic but it’s still really difficult when you have to tell someone new. I sometimes wonder if I should lie to stop other people feeling awkward but have realised it’s not my problem if they can’t handle what I say, but theirs’s. Off to my counsellor in a bit which, despite having only been once before, is helping particularly now that I feel that everyone has abandoned me.
I don’t think breaking up with a cheating husband is anything alike losing someone you love and grieving for them , they have chosen to break up , you haven’t chose to loose the person you love and have to try and come to terms with never ever speaking , seeing them and trying to figure out a whole new life , what an insensitive thing to say and compare to , they mustn’t have a clue
They haven’t it isn’t the first time she has said something like it . So that was why I nodded and just carried on cos she would understand what I would be saying . Think it happened on a good day if that makes any sense
I dont think anyone understands how we feel unless it has happened to them. Someone told me they knew how I felt, but then explained their cat had died. I just nodded as well.
So true, no one knows at all
No I could never of understood what greif was until this happened, it’s awful