Feeling desolate

Hi Deborah
Thank you so much for taking the time to send a message. I really appreciate all your help and advise. Thank you.
Lorraine xx

@seychelles i have only admitted how I feel on here to be honest . I am trying to be strong for Mum .
Yesterday I had to go to Filey and bring back Mum and Dads caravan back - usually they would bring it back next season but that’s not going to happen . It’s broke my heart again …:broken_heart:
I talk about Dad to anyone who will listen , you ask what he likes doing … I’ll try and attach a Pic .
He was very adventurous, over the years he kept bees , sailed to the isle of Scilly , motorbiked in Switzerland . Later in life he mainly would be riding his bike , weekends in Filey fishing in his boat or doing his allotment .he lived life to the full everyday .
He could fix anything, I spoke to him everyday and was the person i turned to for advice on life , my car my house . He was really popular which showed at the funeral - 200 people attended and it was full he had a lot of friends . He would help anyone . He was like my best friend but also a great Dad . I can’t believe he was here one day and gone the next . I think I’m still In shock . He was 75 which isn’t young but I thought I had longer with him … I wish he had reached an older age .
Thanks very much for the supportive message - it means a lot …

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@seychelles also I hope you are feeling better after being poorly xx

Hi Laura,
Great to hear from you again. What a lovely photo of your dad. He certainly is young and looks so fit and healthy in the photo. It hits home to me now how life can change in a heartbeat and how we must always remember that. Life really is a privilege. But then in busy lives we don’t actually stop and think like that. I realise now that my mum was old but I didnt see her as old. Her mind was sharp, memory wonderful and she had the most amazing young at heart zest for life. She loved adventures, trips in the car and weekends away with me. We even went for Spa days together up until last summer. She even wore cropped trousers on holiday with me this time last year. How amazing she was ! We had great fun together and I miss her with all my heart. She loved clothes shopping and could have easily moved into M and S ! Now I can’t bear to go into shops without her and doubt I will ever go to M and S again.
For her funeral I wanted to buy a new dress so I ordered one on line from M and S. I had cried too much to make it to shops. The first and only dress I ordered was perfect and fitted me straight away as usually I have to send things back. I am sure she sent the angels to help me that day.
I am feeling a little better thank you. I am waiting for a call back from my surgery as need to go on thyroid tablets. I am always so so tired that with the grief also I feel I need to have medication as been monitored for over 3 yrs. Things got quite bad on the weekend with breathing, couldn’t swallow and lots of pain so I went to A and E . So need to wait now for the phone call from the surgery to hopefully get some tablets.
Hope you have set some small steps for tom . I am still setting mine. It has been a sorting day here. I have to sell my mums house so am sorting draws here at my house to make room for her things I am finding it so hard sorting through her things and I am trying to hang on to everything which I know is mad but at the moment I am not throwing anything out including her furniture. Luckily mum bought everything new in every room of her house 4 yrs ago so I love everything she has so will replace my things and keep hers. Next weekend I shall go to her house which is 35 miles away and clear some more things then I will have to get an estate agent there to value it. I really dont want t sell it but I have a brother and sister who I have to share it with. They haven’t done a thing to help me since mum passed so its ben so hard going doing everything myself which had upset me even more. But on the positive side I can do it in my own time , stay there for a few days each time and get my head round the fact that she has really gone. I still have mums ashes here with me so I feel she is still with me guilding me every day.
It’s tough going for sure but I hope you will get comfort from sharing on here.
Deborah x

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Hi Deborah,
Yes he looks younger than he is . I am even struggling to use past tense today .
I have some small tasks for tomorrow but the weather is forecast to be awful for the next couple of days so I am not looking forward to that .I am in Derbyshire .

I am glad I spent so much quality time with mum And dad I have no regrets and have many memories to cherish . It’s sounds like you spent lots of lovely times with your Mum too .
I have done a lot of the sorting out on my own too like you and you are right it’s very hard going .
Thanks again for replying I will take your advice on not returning to work yet , some people have said it may help me but these are people who haven’t been through this hell …


Hiya Laura,
I always say passed instead of died. I hate it when i am asked for the name of the deceased by utility people . Makes it all too cold.
Yes I spent a lot of time with my mum as she lived on her own 35 miles away . I retired 10yrs ago so i could spend more time with her. She was 80 then and i took her away to Cardiff for her birthday to a posh hotel etc and I had a lightbulb moment. If you knew me you would know how career minded I was and was starting off as a school inspector so I was at the height of a new challenge It was exciting and I loved every minute of my work. Being with the children every day was an absolute pleasure and I missed it terribly. I gave up all my salary and had to wait 5 yrs for any money so my husband and I lived just to pay the bills for a while. But the most important thing is I spent quality time with mum and we did everything together I stayed with her at least 4 nights a week. There 2 back home for 2 back with mum etc and we managed like that with her coming back with me for days also. We went on holidays just her and me. Shopping trips , weekends away , lunches and afternoon teas out etc. You name it we did it. Its only now I realise I did the right thing in so many ways but I also appreciate it that many people couldn’t do that. I feel so lucky I had the chance bec no amount of money in the world could have given me those memories. Have to stop now as am getting upset.
Will check on you tom ok
Try to get through the night and try to get just an hour or two of sleep
Thinking of you
Deborah x

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Hi Laura and Hope.
How are you both today ?
Keep trying to get through each day best you can. Try anything that helps you even sleeping if you can
Thinking of you
Deborah x

@seychelles @Hope6 hello both ,
I have been going though the motions . Taking my son to school, cat to the vet ,going to the bank with Mum . Mood is still really low and feel quite disconnected from the real world . I slept quite well though So that’s a bonus . How are you both doing today ?
Laura xx

Hi Laura,
Same here. Just getting through the day doing a few jobs around the house just to occupy myself for a while. I don’t go out much now as I prefer staying home. I keep thinking what’s the point in anything like going to shops or wherever because I wont be happy anywhere. I keep finding things to do here though so for now I am fine.
I am still waiting for my surgery to phone me to sort my health out so just feel a bit low. I slept better last night too. Strange because I don’t sleep much at all. Got a bit upset watching TV tonight. Something reminded me of mum and it all got too much. Tears flowed again. I dont think they will ever stop but then I dont really want them to. All strange feelings of helplessness.
How old is your son?
Keep going Laura. You are doing so well even when you think you are not
Look after your mum x
Deborah x

Hello Deborah ,
He is nearly 12 , he has just started secondary . He’s doing really well and he keeps me focused .
It’s been a hard summer for him losing his grandad .
I hope you get your medication sorted - that will be adding to your pain.
It’s hard isn’t it . What’s the weather like where you are . It’s tipping it down here - a really miserable day .
I am going to go to mums soon and do some
Jobs and have some lunch there .
I hope you get through today ok .
It’s hard being so sad and missing them this much .
Laura xx

Hi Laura,
Lovely to see you posting.
The weather is dreadful here.Last night was one of the most stormy wet nights we have had for a long time. Thought the roof tiles were coming off at one stage but all ok I think.
Aww how lovely to have a 12 yr old.Make the most of the next few years as they fly past. He is your reason for keeping going now and what a gift you have.Just wonderful.Children are so precious.
It’s very tough going through our own grief when we have children also to help cope with it.I have a 28 yr old son and I sometimes forget in his busy working life how I should try to find more time to help him with his grief as he was the closest person to his nan. Their bond was one that even the vicar at mum’s funeral said was so strong you could touch it.Its tough seeing a 6 ft man break down and even worse try to hide their feelings bec it’s the done thing to man up. When my don is home I always talk about my mum to him.We talk about funny things they did together, things she taught him, TV programmes she liked and all sorts of things.Itvusually ends with me crying and him trying to hold it all in but it’s I fel the best way to stop all the bottling up of conversations and keeping her memory alive.
Will be back on here later
Deborah x

Thank you Deborah ,
Yes he is keeping me going for sure . It’s such a tough time everyday is difficult .
I’m glad you can talk to your son about your Mum and share precious memories .

Today I have felt strange and just cannot believe he has gone so suddenly. I’m really not sure I’ve accepted it .
This weather hasn’t been nice . I like to try and get outside so not felt great today . I think it looks a little better tomorrow.
Thanks for messaging me it means a lot .
Laura xx

Hi Deborah,
Thank you for all your great advice. You’re very kind and thoughtful.
I’m unwell at the moment so out of action. Will message soon.
Please take care xx

Hi Hope and Laura,
You are both very welcome.
Keep strong and be proud of how far you have come even if it doesn’t seem so. Each day your wellbeing will get a teeny bit stronger even when it’s the last thing you care about.
Just keep doing whatever it takes to get through each day or even each hour as I used to do. Still do some days when it really its me.
Going through a difficult time with not feeling well and emotionally up the creek. Trying to keep too many plates juggling in my life at the moment as things were put on hold when mum was ill last Nov and I haven’t got round to finishing anything
Rest as much as you can
Deborah x

Thank you and take care if your self as well x it’s
So tough x

Will check on you tom ok. Am off to bed now so hopefully tom I will feel better. You will get through this somehow Laura. We will because we have no choice. We are all here together and keep posting as much as you want.
Deborah x

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Hi Laura,
How are you getting on today ?
Am feeling a bit better today. Went into the garden just for a walk around to get some fresh air.
Am sorting and clearing and rearranging my house so I can have some of mums furniture here so its been a bit hectic.
How is your little boy ?
Deborah x

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Hi Hope,
How are you feeling now?
Rest and get yourself stronger to deal with all this. Put yourself first ok
It’s so tough going and I understand.
Just checking on you and thinking about you
Deborah x

Thank you. Love and healing thought’s for you.
Lorraine xx

Hi Deborah ,
I’ve had another tough day . Me and mum have decided to keep Dads allotment on . All his hard work is coming into fruition and we have been there today collecting veg and weeding . So it’s kind of heartbreaking but lovely at the same time going there . His friends there are going to help us …
It’s just been a sad sad week .
I’m so glad you are feeling a little better.
Finn is loving his new school - secondary is shut step , so it’s a weight off knowing he’s ok .
Thanks so much for messaging . I appreciate it . It helps me .
Love to you xxx