Everything i do, i think why should i enjoy anything i try to do when a loved one that’s passed should be here to enjoy it too, food, music, anything.
I feel for my partner because i’m not intimate in any way, i’m neglecting my children, one is 20 but lives with us, 16 and 9 and i just feel useless. I’m no good for anyone, because I just don’t want to do anything, nothing comforts me anyway, regardless of me thinking they deserve it more than me if they were here.
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Maria, you sound so sad and miserable. You don’t say how long things have been bad but if things are totally out of control please think of getting help.
Your GP, Sue Ryder and Cruse are the first things that come to mind to help you get some control over your life.
Talk to your eldest child because they may be able to help and just get you through the worst.
Grieving is different for everyone but the feeling that you should not do anything that makes you feel happy is normal but honestly your partner would not want you to stop living and being unhappy would be the last thing he would want.
Please take care and don’t be hard on yourself. S xx
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Thanks for your reply.I just hurt all the time, even when I’m too numb to cry, knowing he shouldn’t have gone,we were making future plans… I’m not strong enough to cope.
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I’ve been with cruise .chatting every Friday…they are lovely. They just let you say how ever you heart feels 
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That’s great and I know everyone at Cruse would love to hear that it’s working for you. They are all trained volunteers and it is quite a commitment with ongoing training.
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Guilt is really normal when grieving, cut yourself some slack, it’s ok to be happy at times too.
X