Feeling hopeless

I lost my beautiful wife to metastatic breast cancer just over a month ago,she had fought the battle against cancer twice and went through so much chemotherapy and radiotherapy which she never complained of but must have been awful most of the time.We had dreams of growing old together but now not to be she has been ripped away from me and i ache with missing her so much just the being around each other and knowing that the other person is there has gone,you were my soulmate for 28 years and nobody will take your place my Darling.

So sorry sitee,we all understand here how it feels to lose a loved one,I know that feeling of wanting to grow old together,my husband passed last March he was 59,always took for granted that we would be together longer,it wasn’t, to be.Still miss him like crazy.Hope you can post on here,help,s to write it down,though it’s all painful ,you are not alone ,someone always listens on here x

Dear Robina . My husband died suddenly last July . He was 60 . I’m missing him like crazy and tonight that’s all I keep thinking is how much I just want to get into bed with him like I used to and cuddle up to him and go to sleep . Stuff we took for granted every night but will never have again . Bereavement is brutal and I hate it . Having to try and deal with being denied the closeness I took for granted for so many years is so painful . I don’t know how we get through it really every day …do you ?
Sending love to you . And to you Sitee too
Romy xxxxx

Missing a hug, a kiss, holding hands. Missing the glance across the shopping Isle that says I love you. Simple things that I took for granted. I would give everything for just one of those experiences again. Xx

All those things, and so much more.
The in-jokes that instantly come to mind in certain situations, that nobody else can understand. The nicknames we had for people and places, never to be used again.
It just goes on, and on, and on . . .

It does go on and on, Edwin and I think the thought that losing our loved ones is so final is the hardest thing. There’s no going back, we are just stuck here. So many people say but you have many good memories. I don’t want memories I want her back x

Yes Romy the loss is brutal,so missing my hubby’s cuddles too,he used to call me lucky,i don’t feel lucky.It’s so hard isn’t it losing the one person that accepted everything about you,totally got you!Soulmates.Iv’e mentioned before in other posts,i totally believe we meet our loved ones again,i sometimes write about it in the signs thread as never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable,as they are my beliefs,but that is what keeps me going.You will all meet again.xx

Keeps me going as well robina, otherwise why do we try to make them proud, talk, to them, still love them. I pray we see them again.

Yes Stevie,iv’e said it before,iv’e seen and heard and felt things,they are around us.There is more.You keep making your Denise proud,keep talking and keep loving,and keep doing your best,as we are here to do that.xx

I would love a sign just something to let me know she’s ok.
I have felt nothing or seen anything is it because I was always a bit sceptical about things like this or am I just looking too hard

I’ve always been very sceptical and I can’t convince my mind otherwise. However, I wouldn’t mind being wrong and getting to meet all my ancestors.
It’s worth sharing that for weeks I found white feathers inside and outside. The feather cushions are still there and yet not a single feather escaped for about four weeks, and Robins are giving me a wide berth. I admit to being a bit perplexed.

Hi William
Many sceptics have had signs,don’t think it works that way,that only believers would get signs,as we are all and should be able to receive them.There are so many different ways a sign can be given,you just need an open mind that it can happen.Grief and strong sadness can work as a barrier,as a higher energy is needed to receive them,i know myself this is hard as we feel as far from happiness as ever.Some signs have not been from my husband,but from spirit,itself,now i know this is hard to believe but you can hear someone speak to you from the other side.I know now as it’s happened to me,and i don’t lie,no point.My middle daughter heard her father speak to her,and was amazed,i have not heard my husband’s voice yet.I could go on and on,but your signs would be personal to you,so you would know.Have you asked for a sign from your lovely wife,then sat in total silence and listened?You could also ask for a specific sign that means something to you,something only you and your wife would know,then you have to have patience as a lot of the time,the sign can come within the day,or days ,weeks or months later.It’s there William,around us and it’s not a gift given only to a few,we are all meant to awaken ourselves to it all.Just ask and be patient and notice,and have some quiet moments in stillness,no distractions,no thoughts racing,these are the best times to receive them.Your wife i’m sure will have already been trying to give you signs,all our loved ones do,it’s not that easy for them either,as lots of energy is needed.Please take no notice of what i have said if you feel uncomfortable ,i always say this as i do not ever wish to impose my beliefs on anyone,but when i say these things they are said from the heart and would never lie about this xx

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No I don’t feel uncomfortable at all I enjoy reading your posts and wish I had as strong a belief as you do. Yes I talk to Margaret all the time usually when I’m out early in the morning walking the dog and I ask her to let me know if she is alright. As for sitting still I have a struggle with that when I try and close my eyes my mind races I can’t stop it and quieten ny mind. I have been trying meditation but haven’t mastered it yet. Just really sad and struggling at the moment.
Take care William

It’s a hard thing for anyone to grasp,even as abeliever i’m amazed by it.From the age of 15 when i first lost my grandfather,a gorgeous gentle man he was,he was at home when he passed,at that moment he sat up,pointed and said “im ready to come with you” he lay down crossed his hands over his chest and smiled,then took his last breath.He saw someone.Then my mam who had often had experienced the other side told me she would give me a sign if she could when she passed,she certainly did that,2 days after her passing i was in bed ,but not asleep and i felt a warm hand hold mine,no one else in the room,took my breath away,these were a few of my first knowings that there was always more.I knew when my husband passed that he would try and he has and still is.I can only tell whats happened to me,and there are too many to list here and it’s for everyone,to receive.We are only taught that we are born and live then die,and that’s it but it’s certainly not all there is,there is so much more.Hope you find out YorkshireLad,there is a possibility your wife may prove it to you x

I’ve an open mind in that I’m receptive to anything if it either happens to me and I am aware of it at the time, or if I read something that is backed up by believable research or statistics.
I’m definitely not opposed to the idea and if people believe in things that are at variance with my beliefs I don’t think any the less of them.
I can safely say I would be delighted to experience something… psychic phenonema, spiritual signs, anything. I think it would be very challenging.
I did think it very strange regarding no more feathers and no more Robins but I don’t attribute that to anything that is tangible to me.
I’m reading an interesting book on spiritualism by Sam Harris called Waking Up. He is an atheist.

Hi Robina
I always enjoy reading your posts especially this one what you have experienced seems uncanny yet I do believe you.
Myself I am open minded as to a spirit world, if that’s the correct terminology, however my husband was an atheist and always held the belief when you die that’s it that’s the end! I’ve not had any signs and would not expect any , after all for him to give me one would prove him wrong and I say this with a wry smile I don’t think he would want to be proved wrong.
I’ll continue to read your experiences with interest.

I haven’t read that one ,finished a couple recently,The Art of Living by Thich Nhat Hanh,and Fear same author,both very interesting.Must be good to achieve there state of peace and serenity,they transform themselves to a higher consciousness and nothing can touch them They have more compassion for everyone and everything ,it fascinates me.Yes Spiritualism can stand well on it’s own,it needs no links with religion,or you can mix the two.I have an eclectic mix of beliefs,i was baptised a Catholic,i’m very interested in Spiritualism as a way of life,and i believe in life after this one,so i’m open to lot’s of different views and opinions.x

Hello Sadone
Yes im amazed myself at all of it,it’s good you have an open mind,and even though your husband was an atheist,does not mean you cannot receive signs,we all pass over to the same,regardless of beliefs or no beliefs,i would say now your husband may see things very differently…I understand we are all vulnerable on this site,we are all searching,full of sadness,me included,iv’e had experiences but i still want my husband here.That’s why i would never write anything that is untrue,just sometimes i’m bursting to say there is a connection to your loved ones,it is possible and it’s real.No one is special,we can all connect.There are more on this site that have had experiences and round the world there are many, many more.xx

If Thich Nhat Hanh interested you then I imagine Sam Harris would appeal to you. I haven’t read “Fear” but I probably will. I often dip into two by Thich Nhat Hanh… “The miracle of mindfulness”, and “Peace is Every step”. I went on retreat to A Buddhist centre near Ulverston some years ago and I took good things away with me in terms of new learning. I like the idea that Buddhism is much more informal and like you say the central tenets of care and compassion.
I know I need to go back to regular meditation but I can’t convince myself the time is right. My grandparents were Quakers on one side and Methodists on the other. Apparently I signed the pledge as soon as I could write, under duress obviously. I think I was a Little White Ribboner. That was my only real brush with organised religion, although my wife was a committed Christian so I had to deal with that. We just avoided the subject which made it difficult to arrange her funeral.
As a humanist I find it easy to relate to many aspects of Buddhism.

I am not very experienced in spiritualism but I am learning from a friend and she talks exactly as you do Robina. Every day I hope for some sign. I hold a locket in my hand fastened around my wrist at night. It was given to me by family and has his ashes and a photo of him. I hold it against my heart. Today on my allotment a Robin landed a few feet away on a bush and watched me working. Now I know Robins can be inquisitive but every time one comes so close and is intent on what I am doing I talk to it as if it was my husband. Discussing what I am doing and does he approve. My husband loved Robins and his allotment. So it makes sense to me. It gives me comfort anyway. I too have trouble with meditation but keep trying, as well as mindfulness.