Feeling isolated and forgotten

My Dad died a week ago and I feel like I don’t exist. I live with my husband and 2 young children but I feel disconnected from everyone. Since my Dad died, nobody has called me, my husband has continued as usual and my Mum has gone on holiday. I’ve received verbal sympathy messages from people through my husband, and on Facebook but nobody has actually spoken to me. When my Mum’s husband died several years ago, she was inundated with calls, cards, and flowers. I’ve received 2 sympathy cards and bought flowers for myself. My husband persuaded me to go out for a social evening and none of our friends said anything about my loss, no hugs either. Everyone continued as usual. I feel like maybe I haven’t been a good friend or my friends are not true. Perhaps I’m being unreasonable and selfish. I feel like I don’t exist or nobody cares.

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I sympathise with you, I lost my dad in February and my mum eight years ago. I burst out crying even when I am in a shop. I’m having trouble accessing counselling too which doesn’t help.

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Hi, firstly sorry for the grief and pain that has prompted your post. How very strange for you that your loss appears to have not really been acknowledged. Does everyone think that you weren’t bothered by the death of your Dad? I think a good chat with your husband would be a start because perhaps he doesn’t realise how you’re feeling. Society still struggles hugely with grief and many people feel awkward, uncomfortable and unsure of how to respond to anyone who is grieving. Letting people know that you are trying to process the loss of your Dad is important, so don’t mask your emotions, let them know. Best wishes, take care xx

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Thank you for your messages and thoughts. I’ve talked with a couple of friends and one said they didn’t know what to say, another said she didn’t realise I was upset by my Dad’s death. I went out for dinner with friends on Saturday evening and only at the end of the evening did one of my friends acknowledge my loss. It was odd but I’m telling myself, the others don’t know what to say.
Going out has helped my head space. I feel a little less dazed and isolated. It’s certainly making me think about how I have in the past and will behave in future towards friends, family and colleagues who experience a loss.

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I understand how you feel I have had the same thing happen to me and you cannot fathom people’s behaviour assuming you are just “ok” or “as you were before” you are changed forever by the loss of your parents my mum died in 2018 and I miss her every day but I chat to her in my mind then my dad last year which I am still going through that loss in many ways not visiting the family home and family and some friends behaviour around this last year has led me to stay away from a lot of people they just seem to stop asking you and don’t acknowledge your pain grieving goes on and on and we have to live with it and time passing doesn’t change that everyone is different I would say like you, I was shocked initially at people’s behaviour or concern for me but now I am hardened to it. The best thing is to look after you, our parents would wish that for us take care of yourself and live your very best life as they would wish you to xx

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Hi Pen3,
I’m for your losses, and for you having difficulty accessing counselling. My GP has recommended Cruse bereavement support, Sue Ryder and MacMillan. Might they have a support service near you?