Hi
I am really struggling firstly knowing it’s coming up to my partners first birthday with out him he would of been 47… then days later it’s Christmas then new year and next week his ashes are being scattered and I just feel a whole load of emotions. I am at a loss with it all the pain I walk around every day the feeling it’s just so over whelming.
I feel like I’ve stopped quite a lot talking about paul to certain people because I feel they don’t really want to listen to me it’s making me feel so isolated which is so wrong…
People are so selfish and self absorbed I know everyone has there own lives but people just assume I am ok and I really am not. It’s really opened my eyes to a lot of things and to how people are. Maybe some people just don’t know how to deal with it but I feel like I am now trying to hold myself together just so people think I am ok and that isn’t right I should be able to let my feelings out but I feel like when I do friends don’t really either want to talk about it and or they just say the wrong things… this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and it’s life changing I just don’t know which way to turn x
@Nic14 hi nic I am so very sorry for the loss of your partner. I’m sorry you find yourself here but I’m glad you found this site as everyone here understands your pain and this community is so caring and supportive. I lost my partner in April and its her birthday in December as well so it’s my first without her as well as Christmas. I have already done our anniversary and my birthday without her and it is so hard but somehow we get through the day. You should be able to talk about how you feel and real friends will be there for you. I think our grief frightens them maybe because it makes them think of their own mortality and of course some don’t know what to say. I’m often in and out of here and willing to listen anytime you want to talk. Keep on posting you will get support. Take care sending a hug x
@Nic14
It is lifechanging and everyday we carry the pain which is frightening.
People don’t understand unless it’s happened to them unfortunately. I think people don’t know what to say half the time. I have a friend who I try to talk to about Marti but she’s more absorbed in how life is for her. I have a couple of good friends who have loss family members and I find them very supportive. The friends who aren’t supportive I’ve just written them off. I guess we find out who our real friends are. Have you been on Wayup, I’ve made good friends on there who I meet up regularly with and ‘get’ what we are going through. I’ve also met up with people on here who have been my lifeline, they are supportive everyday at any hour of the day and I know they will be my forever friends.
Take care, Amy x
Dear @Nic14
Thank you for sharing your post which is so very true. It is very hard for people to understand what what you are going through until happens to them.
From experience I have found friends feel they they might say the wrong thing or they do not know how to start a conversation so do not say anything at all which makes it worse. As bereaved people we need to talk about what we are going through and how we feel. It all helps.
Grief plays havoc with our emotions and it is understandable so I would not give up on your friends because they are not supportive. They do not understand the depth of your grief and pain you are going through. Just give them space and time and they will come through.
Take care and keep posting. x
Hi Amy
I am so sorry for your loss too x it’s just so heart breaking I read everyone’s stories and it’s just so upsetting the pain everyone feels on here….
Thank you for your message that is just it most my friends are so self absorbed and it’s me me me and I just don’t have the head for it right now one friend of mine continually tells me “well yea when you have counselling your start to feel better “ I just find it so incredibly difficult to listen to… No I won’t feel better I am having it because I want to be able to talk freely about loosing paul without people judging me and looking at me like they have had enough of listening to it… I just want someone to hear me with all my feelings…
Yes me to I won’t really bother with the ones that have not been there for me it has as I say made me see some friends in a different light we will still be friends but I happen to think I am a good friend so I will be mindful for them.
Thank you I will have a look on that site I did not know about it no…
Every day is a battle I read a lot of quotes and it does help me… I’m doing my best as I am sure we all are I just want this year over with it’s been just horrendous as I know it has for all of us on here x x
Hi Pepsi
Thank you for your message…
Yes true I don’t think people know what to say and that’s ok but I just feel as friends they should be there to listen and I feel some are not so the ones that aren’t I just have stopped talking about paul to them as it’s quite clear they don’t want to keep hearing it…
It’s only been 8 weeks this week since he passed and that’s very early stages for anyone and I think people think. I should feel ok by now but the truth is I’m missing him more and more…
I guess in time I will learn how to deal with this but right now it’s very roar and every single day is a battle. Christmas and Paul’s birthday are hanging over me and I am not looking forward to this at all. All I can do is keep going and hope and pray as time goes on I learn to live in this new nightmare x
I found this site very helpful . I lost my husband last may I still get anxiety .I also have had councelling with the hospice and gone on walks with them with people in the same position and it does help to talk to people . My family have supported me well but it’s just nice to speak to people about how you are coping with the grief . I still don’t like going back to a empty flat even now after 18 months.