I lost my nan to dementia last month but we just had her funeral on Monday.
I’m feeling massively like I’ve lost a part of myself and its bringing this sense of loss into such sharp focus. I’m terrified of losing my mum and also my partner now.
My mind seems so focused on my relationship with my partner and I’m seeking more reassurance than usual because of this. My partner came out as trans a couple of months ago so our relationship feels very uncertain and unstable already right now.
I’m looking around and just seeing everyone living their lives, getting engaged, as if they have it all together and I’m just a mess.
I recognise that I’m the only one that can give myself what I need, but that path is hard and my mind would rather default to unhelpful coping methods like ruminating and reassurance seeking.
The journey of my nan dying has been so traumatising and my mum has been her sole carer since she got her diagnosis 10 years ago.
I know I need to stop giving myself such a hard time but I can’t help but feeling I should just be coping better.