Feeling lost and lonely

Hello
I lost my husband in June.It was so sudden and unexpected. We are both in our 70s and seemingly fit and well. We had been out for a meal went to bed and he coughed and just died. I did CPR for half an hour until the ambulance arrived but it was too late. 7 months on I feel worse than I did in the beginning when there was so much to sort out. I feel lonely, sad, afraid, have lost my appetite and hate my life without him. People say I should treasure the memories we had together but I can’t I just want him back. Does it ever get better? At the moment I feel what is the point of anything anymore.

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Dear AH
I am so sorry to hear your very sad story. Sudden death is the hardest to cope with so I’m told. I am in your age range and lost my husband fourteen months ago but it wasn’t so sudden. At first i was disraught and in a dream. The whole story of my David’s death kept on going round and round in my head like a video film over and over again. Maybe you have felt this. The French say ’ you must empty your sac’ meaning you must cry out all your grief.let the emotion flow. I have concentrated on distraction tactics more recently. Luckily I’m involved in many activities out side the home. However when I’m at home I keep the radio on as I can’t bear the silence. Things are getting better gradually slowly.
I wish you peace and love
Tricia

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Thankyou Tricia
Yes I have all those feelings you mentioned and like you I cannot bear the silence in the house. I also keep going over and over the night he died and trying to search fir reasons why he died. Did I miss something? Could he have been saved if the ambulance had arrived sooner? Was I performing the CPR correctly? That awful night is constantly with me. I have some outdoor activities that I have now resumed since Covid and some good friends and a supportive family so I know I am lucky in that respect. We moved to a different area during lockdown so I am still adjusting to this and feel sorry that Mike hasn’t had the chance to enjoy it here. Thank you again for your reply and so sorry to hear of your loss of David.

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I wonder if we will always have these questions and torment if wether we did enough, when these thoughts creep in I keep telling myself we all did the best we could in such a terrible situation, it’s so difficult to bear the loss I’m only at five months and still trying to desperately make some sense of it all hugs to everyone on this sad journey xx

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