Feeling lost

Losing a parent
1

Hi, I have never posted anything here before. I’m not sure why today is different. I lost my mum very suddenly 8 weeks ago. She was 73 but a very good 73, nobody ever believed her age. Very fit and active.

My mum was the centre of my world. I’m an only child and it was always us against the world. As an adult, married and son of my own my mum was still my centre, rock, best friend everything to me.

8 weeks ago my world completely collapsed. It was just a normal Saturday. We had spent the day doing the usual, she had even been on her wee mile walk with the dog. I saw my mum everyday, and called her every night at 10pm, about 9:55 she called and said she didn’t feel right. I live minutes away, straight round and she said she had trapped gas not to worry. I called an ambulance despite her insisting I don’t. Ambulance arrives and she is taking a heart attack, but not to panic, she will be fine.

They got her to the hospital and she had a stent fitted, by this point it was 3am Sunday morning. I saw her afterwards sitting in bed having a cup of tea and telling me off for being so worried and to get home. I spoke to nurse and Dr and they said she was doing fine and would be in for 2days max. To go home get rest, said goodbye and felt relieved. Got home, we live less than 10min from hospital, about to get out of car and hospital calls to say mum had a massive cardiac arrest and is gone.

I’m a 46 year old man, husband and father. But I feel lost. My centre is gone I’ve never felt so alone, the thought that I’m nobody’s son anymore kills me. I’m grateful for all the love I had and all the years but at the same time I feel cheated. I’m so angry that everyone’s life is just going on and mine has been shattered. I’m even jealous of my wife and son, don’t get me wrong I want them to move on so would my mum but sometimes I just look and don’t know how things can fit back normal for everybody.

I thought I was coping, truth is I’m not ,everyday is harder. It’s the little things that hit the hardest and I am trying to feel how I feel and hopefully work through it. It’s tough when the one thing that you need is the thing that is gone

As I said I’m not sure why today I shared this, guess I’m just overwhelmed and needed to get some things out.

Thanks for reading / listening

1 Like
2

Hi @Paddy3,

Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. I hope it’s helped a little to write some things down. You’re not alone.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support to you. In the meantime, you might find these Sue Ryder resources helpful to read.

I hope you find the community to be a support to you. Take good care and keep reaching out,

Seaneen

3

So sorry for the loss of your mum :broken_heart:

Many of us on here who have lost our parents feel the same, like a child who’s lost or been abandoned. No one can understand this deep sadness until they experience it themselves. I can’t imagine ever feeling happy and content ever again, even though I’ve got plenty I should feel happy about. I feel I’m just existing now, not really living

Keep reading and posting, it does help.

I hope you can eventually find some peace in your memories :folded_hands:t3: