Feeling lost

My dad became poorly a while ago and before this pandemic started he was just in the middle of having tests completed as the doctor believed it was cancer then it all got put on hold due to consultant going off sick with covid 19 symptoms and all the other professionals having to adjust to the pandemic.during this time my dad was unable to swallow and eat or drink and he was getting worst and worst at home. I managed to get a professional to get him in the hospital to help him as I was scared dad would die at home and this was around the 25th of March… during this time the consultant came back and said dad’s cancer was worst then they thought and that there was nothing they could do due to the current situation,I felt like my world came crashing down but my dad accepted this and the plan was that my dad would be fed through by tube and could come home to spend his time and I would look after him with my mum and daughter.
The hospital kept delaying feeding through the ng tube and sadly my dad caught covid 19 in hospital where he sadly passes away there on April the 10th.
I feel like I’m in a bubble as it was soo quick and I get so upset to think that dad could have come home as he wished if only they did not delay the feed and there was also other concerns regarding the care my dad had 're river during this time. I get very irritable at times and it just hurts and my chest hurts.

My heart goes out to you, what a terrible time you are having, you are going to have to take every day even every hour at a time, what you are feeling is normal, keep in touch with this forum, they will hopefully give you all the help and support you need, just remember it is early days, and eventually things will start to get better, sending you love and hugs x

Hi. Tree. This is such a sad post and my heart goes out to you. It’s an awful time for all of us and even more so when there are added complications as in your case. I think the NHS were a bit overwhelmed at first. They must have all been shocked how the virus spread so quickly. But that may not help ease your pain now. It’s very early days for you and the initial shock and unbelief has not worn off. I found the first few months the worse. Once again, if I tell you it does ease eventually, well I have found it so. But everyone will grieve in their own way. It’s very much an individual process. Never think you are ‘odd’ or ‘strange’. Nothing in grief is ether of those. You may well feel irritable and angry. That again is perfectly normal. How many of us have not felt angry at times, it all seems so unfair.
Chest pains are so often the result of anxiety which we all suffer to some degree, and is a common symptom of anxiety. If it continues see your GP if only to put your mind at rest. In fact a visit to the doctors does no harm and it often helps even if you don’t want medication.
Jude is so right. One day at a time, even one hour at a time. Baby steps. You will never forget, that’s not possible, but by trying to accept how you feel you may ease the awful burden.
Take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself as well as others. Blessings. John.

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